I don’t know how to focus and just complete a goal. I’ve several ideas but can’t seem to get my butt moving.
I went to a small college here in town to apply for the massage therapist program. I chickened out because I didn’t want to not have any time to take off with the baby. I’m also ambivelent about the profession…not sure if that’s the way I want to go.
It’s the same with my other ideas. I’ve considered finishing my degree in Early Childhood Education. I’m apprehensive because a. it doesn’t pay much, indeed perhaps not even enough to pay the bills. b. my drug conviction may hold me back from getting a job anyway. (see kids!! one stupid mistake can effect your whole life/career)
I am now considering taking a photography course because it interests me, putting together a portfolio and having it as a side business.
I’ve also considered going through personal trainer certification and possibly teaching aerobics or doing some other fitness type work.
These are considerations, ideas…Why can’t I have this magic Passion I hear about to drive me toward what I’m really supposed to be doing.
I feel this panic at the thought of being 30 (am I too old to be a fitness instructor anyway?) of time ticking away and not having ANY type of degree completed or any type of career plan and having another child. At the same time I am frightened to go back to school and frankly I am exhausted from being pregnant, and fighting depression from J being locked up. I also have to put so much focus on my 12 year old son who needs me more than ever right now. Excuses.
I don’t know what to do. I know I need to do something. Anything.
