I made myself go to the meet because I’d released books so I went, dumped the books on the table, smiled at various people and left. 7 years ago

It sucks. It really, really sucks.

There’s a BX meet tonight and I had every intention of going. I wanted to go. Up until about five minutes ago when dread poured itself down into my stomach. Nothing changed – I was sitting innocently at the PC. No one said anything that upset me or anything like that. I just realised that I’d need to be leaving soon and BAM! I’ve gone from mild excitement about a night out to complete dread at the thought of going even for five minutes. Shit.

I still want to go. I’m very sure I’ll enjoy myself if I do go. But I’m scared to the point of wanting to throw up. I’m full of irrational fear. And it’s so, so very stupid. What’s scarey about meeting a few friends and a few new faces? This is ridiculous. But it’s also very real. 7 years ago