kibbutzingaroundThe doctor actually wanted me to take all of this garbage for the rest of my life!!!!!
She has her reasons and they’re not wholly without reason of a sort, but I am just not willing to be swallowing bottle after bottle of mega-concentrated vitamins every day until I croak. She appears to be one of these people who thinks if she takes enough pills and shots and potions she’ll pickle herself and live to be 150, and that’s fine for her but I can’t and won’t live that way. She didn’t understand that.
I wasn’t really sure what to do. I was going catatonic again. Finally I realized that I just had to open my mouth and say whatever came to mind, otherwise I was just going to leave wanting to die the way I do every time I go to a doctor. Instead of speaking I ended up weeping, half-screaming, and cussing. I weep a little but I never come close to screaming in front of someone I don’t know well and I don’t cuss in front of anyone, so this was a bad, bad, bad, wicked bad sign.
Eventually she realized I just can’t take all these supplements. So she said I didn’t have to. I won’t end up diseased if I don’t. Meanwhile the stress of taking them and feeling like someone else is dictating my life and treating me like a sad sick old woman is taking my health down.
Yet it seems to me that just not taking any supplements is going to be a black cloud over my head too. I am low on B vitamins and on D vitamins and I know that, and that’s probably not great for the long term. Also on days when I get really stressed I feel like I’m a “quart low” on something, and I wonder if that isn’t the depletion of some vitamin.
So I wonder about something. I did some research and found a multivitamin – one, single pill like a normal being might take – that would go a long way in terms of boosting all the things that I’m concerned about. I wouldn’t mind taking that each day, along with the one supplement I was already taking that I know from experience does make a major difference for me. Two pills a day, I can do.
Then there are those wicked bad days where the emotional strain is so bad I feel like I’m dying…sometimes I’m afraid that wiped-out feeling is the last of some kind of vitamin bidding me a fond adieu on its way out, so after a really horrible day it might feel like self-care rather than self-abuse to take some kind of high-potency isolates.
So far, those ideas don’t make me want to punch myself the way taking all these isolates every miserable morning has done. This idea feels like I’m in control, doing what makes sense to me, living like the relatively young and healthy (if mildly to moderately disturbed) person I am. I can’t afford to order the multivitamin right now but I will once I get paid. I’ll see how this works for me. Actually if I can even feel settled with this plan I’ll close out the goal. 2 years ago