So often I write these things and they do continue….
There is never a need for the other shoe to drop.
It has taken me a lifetime to learn that.
I know that when I wrote this it was a wish and a perspective.
Moments after writing it, I called my mom to wish her a happy Easter and she informed me the scans had come back with a couple of tumors.
I was grateful that I had gotten her to the doctors, insisted on testing so that she can now get the help she has so clearly needed.
Wow. I am happy I could bring that to her.
Monday, I meet her at the doctor’s office at the hospital, while trying to work that morning, with my head swirling about what had happened…
I was grateful I had the afternoon free to spend that time with her.
Monday night I went to yoga to process what had been going on,
but within hours I feel a cold coming on and I am sick the whole week.
I was grateful my body told me to focus on me and to be gentle so I went to bed every night by 9:30.
My work team couldn’t get together on a single day so I replicated the meeting for two groups on Tuesday and Thursday. And though it made for twice as much work, I was grateful that the outcomes and the more intimate conversations and discussions. They fell into place perfectly and aligned the project. Moreover, I was asked to lead from the front, instead of the rear, and to get out there.
For that I believe I am grateful.
My other project brought me long hours on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, but was groundbreaking work and interconnected to my other work. I was able to make progress with them, get reconciled on our work fronts and build momentum and support from the staff, workforce and supportive organizations.
I am grateful I am working with their organizational head, who is a very progressive individual with whom I get support and cooperation in my quest, as he gets the same from me.
Come Saturday evening, I finally sit with the man of my dreams, to finally relax from an incredible week, and conclude, with him, he is not the man of my dreams.
We have figured out, in the year, what connects us, what separates us, what we like about each other and what we don’t. Moreover, what we can and cannot live with, or makes us happy or not, with each other.
I am grateful that I am willing to take this look, right now, and be honest with myself about he and I and our longer term prospects with each other. Though he is a great guy, our “Green Acres” lifestyle isn’t as reconciled as we’d like it to be. I may be able to jump on the back of his Harley, but I am never going to be the woman he wants me be at “Bike Week”. I was reconciled that I couldn’t invite him back to the Waldorf Astoria annual event he attended with me last year. (he hated it) but I was happy to believe we could make this work regardless. I have to be happy – and relieved to know – that the things I have been listing that I must give up in my life, now do not need to go.
I am grateful – and happy – that he and I love each other enough to be honest with how hard parts of the relationship are – and how we may not need to give up the things we love most in order to fit together better.
I am grateful for one brief shining moment, I was a biker chick. lol
I am grateful my daughter will be home soon and I can spend my work time with her as she works as my intern this year.
I am grateful that I loved and lost.
It is better than not having loved at all. 8 months ago