reduce my bitchy moments

...I can say that his is done now, I have eliminated 95% of my bitchy moments. And My fiance is 100% happier. So It is a happy day in our household.

...I will be able to mark this one done this week. I got the Brass to take Ray one Last night and it was FANTASTIC. So I’m not frustrated any more. So I won’t be displacing my anger in bitchiness. And I can be my sweet little self again. He did tell methat My Bitchy attitude was pushing him away…Gotta really watch that.

I guess maybe I was wore out from karate class or something, but I snapped at ray. we were in the market and he asked me where we were going first and I said “I don’t know You know this market better than I do”. And I said it very mean like. He looked hurt. I have just been getting so frustrated with him of late. I promised myself I would not ask him If he wants to make love again. Because he keeps turning me down. And I can’t take the rejection. That has to be why. I am so sexually frustrated. AUGH!!!!

I did it. I went the whole day without being a bitch. I can’t believe I did it but I did. Go ME!!! It wasn’t really that hard either. I talked it over with my The*apist And she said Imay be upset with him for something else and am displacing that anger on to him in the form of being a bitch. That I need to tell him how I really feel. Well I have already done that. So I guess I just stop being a bitch now. That’s not so hard, Right? I really am not a bitch at all. So I don’t want him to think I am a bitch either. Especially him. SOI guess we will see how I do today.

Per my doctors orders. I told Him I was being such a stubborn BITCH and he said oh no you must be a nice Bitch, So I guess that is a good place to Start. Oddly enough though I am only a Bitch to my Fiance. And I have no idea why that is. He says it is pushing him away. I don’t want to push him away. Yet maybe in a way I do, Because I have never had a Healthy adult relationship and I’m not always liking it. I miss the drama and the manias of my unhealthy ones. And I can’t Contrlo and manipulate him in any way and that annoys the heck out of me. It really does. WHt would I want to manipulate some one I love? I am going to have to take that up with my The*apist tonight.

Let me kick out the jams!

- MC5

...I’m ok with this right now. I can always bring it back up if I need to.

I should start by being less bitchy, eh?

And then something happened. The Breakfast Guy. I’m not the most cheerful person in the morning to begin with. Then you add the most annoying and sadistic breakfast buffet supervisor in the world, and poof – there goes all my progress.

It seems like everything in my life piles up all at once. I have pressure building on me in every direction. I try to control my reactions, try to be even-tempered and patient, and in most cases I do a good job. But every so often, it’s like the domino effect—something that I’d normally be able to handle becomes too much because all my inner resources are being demanded by something else, and so on. Something comes at me from one direction, and then another, and then another, and all I want is just to be left alone to regroup, but I can’t, because life isn’t like that. Things don’t go away, they need to be taken care of, and people don’t stop doing the things that people do just because I want them to stop. The troubles and worries in life seem to become heavier and heavier to bear each day, each one compounding the other ones. No matter how much I want to, I can’t just roll up into a ball and disappear until I feel better, I just keep getting pushed and pushed, and pretty soon I just burst and snap at anyone who crosses my path. I don’t like it but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to relieve the pressure that builds up. It’s not the “count to 10 so you don’t yell at someone” or “take a deep breath and let go of the tension” type of thing. It’s more like having a nervous breakdown.