Be eaten by a panda

If I’m gonna die I wanta do it right. Fuck this passing on in my sleep, dying of some pathological disease or being shot while protecting my family from pirates while yachting in unsafe, international waters.

I’m going to San Diego, I’m going to cover myself in steak sauce and then I’m jumping into the panda pit. Besides, how cute would that be? Look at those adorable incissors as they tear holes into my forearms! Those cuddly paws mauling my face and chest and that cutsey-wootsey tongue licking at the flesh that has been rent from my bones. And how about that pretty radial sesamoid gouging my eye as it pushes my face into the dirt while stepping on my chest! Aren’t pandas just the greatest mammal ever?!