that I’m meeting many new people – some people are being friendly to me, I’m getting invitations to things, but I find it difficult – I feel a lot of shame about many things in my life and in my past – nothing deserving shame perhaps, but I do, and I can’t shake the assumption that people wouldn’t understand, so I keep things to myself, and I’m reluctant to start friendships, because I’d have to let people get to know me. And I’d have to explain things, if I’m to be myself, and they wouldn’t understand, I know they wouldn’t, etc. etc.
Two solutions: fix the things I have shame about as much as I can. Or, take more risks, and be willing to go through the people who don’t understand, for the people who do. I’ve been trying to do the first – but it’s a long process, and meanwhile I feel terrible about all the people I must seem unfriendly/uninterested/self-involved to. When I’m just trying to protect myself. When I just don’t feel ready to be liked. That’s an odd sentence that just popped into my head, but it’s true – I’d often rather people don’t think much of me/leave me alone, than for people to like me, dig deeper, than discover they don’t really.
I’ve had therapy, I swear.
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Edit: the 43things quote on the side of the page:
“I’ve had a lot of problems in my life and most of them never happened.”
- Mark Twain 4 years ago
where I’m starting to understand that I can be nothing but myself, that pretending to be anything else is just unsustainable. It’s too exhausting.
I read that if you are yourself, other people with similar energies will naturally be attracted to you. I want to learn to trust in that process. To no longer try to hold on to friends if they really don’t have that much in common with me. To accept that not everybody is going to like or click with me. And to be open when people whom I can be comfortable with do come along. And they will. (I hope) 6 years ago
of a child asking another “Will you be my friend?”?
Because it’s so much simpler that way, but I don’t think adults do simple. There is some kind of etiquette with this, but I’ve never been good with etiquette.
I’m ashamed to say I haven’t made any new friends for a long time. I guess most of my friends have become my friends because they’ve been put into an environment with me, e.g. school or work, where we are supposed to be sociable with each other. And then if you don’t hate each other, and you keep in touch, somehow you start calling each other ‘friends’.
But how do you do it outside these situations? How do you, say, make friends at a gig? A related question: how do you approach strangers you’re interested in being friendly with, and not make them think you’re hitting on them? I mean, say I meet a woman I’m interested in being friends with. If I ask for her number, wouldn’t that be interpreted as romantically intended?
If I sound extremely stupid and naive about this, that’s because I am. 7 years ago
I think I’m (very slowly) getting to the point in growing up where I’m starting to understand that I can be nothing but myself, that pretending to be anything else is just unsustainable. It’s too exhausting.
I read that if you are yourself, other people with similar energies will naturally be attracted to you. I want to learn to trust in that process. To no longer try to hold on to friends if they really don’t have that much in common with me. To accept that not everybody is going to like or click with me. And to be open when people whom I can be comfortable with do come along. And they will. (I hope) 7 years ago
