Dont hold back

Sometimes I feel as though there is a physical aspect to this goal. Because no matter how much I want to stop being a coward and just DO SOMETHING about something…I chicken out. And this is only with one main problem in my life…with everything else I am a “in your face with ambition, always working hard, blunt, fierce, and strong” kind of woman.

But with my recent new obstacle I find myself running away and hiding with my tail in between my legs; which is completely unlike me.

It might be because this is something new and I haven’t really done it before. I’m not the person with the experience in this situation and I lack all control,. I don’t know what’s going to happen and I can’t just write it all down scene-by-scene. I’m scared but I know I just need to suck it up, take a deep breath and walk slowly into the heart of my problems.

I can do it. I just need the reassurance. It’s time to stop second guessing myself and go with my heart instead of my head this time.

I love this goal. To not hold back- it applies to everything I do, everything I am in my life. Because with all aspects in life there comes limits and I can only push them so far…but at times people tend to become more subdued and no longer test the limits they should.

So I’ve applied this goal to everything I can.: my education, my job, my dreams and also my relationships.

Have you ever noticed that when you are trying to ignore your intuition or your heart, the signs keep popping up to just go for it?

When I’m avoiding something- it comes looking for me. I can only hide from it for so long until I have to face what I need to/should do.

So, world, I have seen the signs. I know. I KNOW. And I am not trying to do it…I am instead trying to avoid it, still. And I’m not going to give out an empty promise that says I am indeed working to fix it.

I am torn over the current issue in my life right now, really. Absolutely torn. Because the part of me, my gut, that is screaming to just screw it and go for it is the part I find naive.

My head is logical. It’s telling me not to mess up. It’s telling me not to push this. But I’m not the only person in this equation and I am surely not the only person pushing this issue.

I am sure this entry is difficult to understand. I just can’t out and say it, though, so I have to write in this way about a subject that completely avoids the subject but address the feelings behind it instead. (Now I’ve become even more confusing. I’m losing myself in my own words now, even.)

So I am going to make an effort to either resolve this and let it go so that I can continue on as usual… or to embrace this possible change and stop letting my head keep me from my heart.

I’m crossing my fingers that I make a good decision.

i don’t often regret the things i do. it’s the things that i don’t do, for one reason or another, that i regret. so if i feel like i should say something, i need to say it. if i want to make a move, i need to take a breath and just do it. if there is something i want, i need to go for it. i believe that i’ll feel a lot less closed-in and more free if i am totally open and transparent. if i go for what i want and take chances, i know things won’t always work out but at least i’ll know i put myself out there and that i tried. i don’t want to waste time wondering, “what if?”, and i don’t want to leave people confused (although a little bit of mystery is always exciting!)
i don’t know how many times i wished i would have just told him how i felt and kissed him.

never hold back, if you want to do something ( hopefully for the good? :P ) do it.. because you never really know when you’ll live up to so TAKE A CHANCE! i know, it’s easier said than done but LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST, or else when we’re all grown up, we’ll just end up regretting everything :( OR we’re already dead.