Define myself in a way that does not depend upon what others think

“What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think… It is easy in the world to live after the worlds’ opinon; it is easy in solitude to live after your own; but a great man is he who, in the midst of the crowd, keeps with perfect sweetness, the independence of solitude.”

I recently found this when searching for info about self-actualization. It’s from Tom Stevens’ website. Here is the link to this section.

FEAR OF REJECTION AS NEGATIVE FEEDBACK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

If your self-image is too closely tied to what others think of you or how well you relate to others, then fear of rejection can be a threat to your whole self-image. That in itself can create a lot of anxiety. If you are used to defining the core of your Self or your future as “popular,” “married,” “well-liked,” “a leader,” or the like, then you threats to any of these self-concepts may create a great deal of anxiety. Or you may view your life script as being married, having children, or having a number of close friends. To the degree that any of those expectations are threatened, and you cannot see how you can be happy without them, then you will experience anxiety.

How can you overcome fear of rejection due to threat to your self-image or life script? You must define yourself and your essence in a way that does not depend upon what others think. For example, if you define yourself as someone whose main goals are to seek happiness for yourself and others; treat others kindly, honestly, and assertively; be a person of integrity; and not worry about other’s reactions to you, then meeting your primary goals will not be dependent upon what others think. Your happiness will be in your control, and you will feel much more secure.

On the other hand if you define yourself primarily as someone who must be loved and accepted by others, then your happiness will be in their control and you will always fell insecure and anxious at some deep level.