matter

Of course there are things I want to accomplish. There are ways I want to feel about myself and my surrounding once I reach some proximity to these goals, but I what I really want the summation of my life to be is that somewhere, somehow along the way…I’ve made a difference.

I don’t think there is any stronger power that a human can posess, than the ability affect change in someone elses life. And so follows, the greatest reward.

So look around, step out, we are surrounded by opportunities…to change.

I often feel like there is no point to me being around. I’m not depressed at the moment but I still feel this a lot. Ineed to have faith and confidence in my ability to be a ‘real person’ and not to let anyone walk all over me.

Wow! It has been a while since I made an entry here on my mattering game. I’ve been doing all my entries in my little journal at home.

Today is Day 1 of week 10. So far I’ve lost 10 pounds. I was hoping for a little more, but it takes more than hoping and I am moving in the right direction. I haven’t lost in the last 3 weeks, but at least I didn’t gain over Thanksgiving.

I’m enjoying my classes very much and I’ve just finished another song that I like. I wish there were a way to share it here, but I only know how to post pictures.

Our bills are paid and I’ve earned some money from different sources. I got a couple royalty checks, a check from CD Baby (funny, I just put a CD of mine there so I could learn how to post for someone else and then some people bought my CD’s and downloaded songs) and a check from ASCAP (My first ever. $2.07 cheers!)

Our debt has decreased and we still bought a few things. A new washing machine (we had to do it, but we didn’t have to buy one as nice as we did)

Our books aren’t current. I have some data entry to do. Whee!

Well… I am enjoying playing, and I’m really not sure if I’m mattering any more than I would have if I weren’t playing. Well, I’m sure I wouldn’t have lost the weight, but I probably would have still paid the bills and got the checks.

:)

I created a game today about mattering. It is a 14 week game that starts Monday the 25th and ends Sunday the 31st.

It has all the measures of how I will matter during this time and general steps I will take.

It includes:
weight watchers, meal planning and exercise
creative work – including journaling and songwriting
study – a couple classes from Berklee
maintance structure – for laundry, cleaning, bills, teaching
and a lovely morning routine.

I love to play games (in the fun way) and I’ll update here on my mattering game.

Funny… I played a game last year and it was all about caring for everyone around me, and trying to find better ways to care for everyone around me. It was an OK game, but I’m excited to play THIS game :)

I joined the on line one. It is a great way for me to take care of my body. It is easy and I am conscious of what I eat, etc…

A lot of times I think that if I take care of people around me and they are happy…. then I will be happy. And, sometimes this is true, but sometimes it isn’t. I should know by now that I can’t make someone else happy if they don’t want to be and I can only support someone in caring for him or herself.

I know I “matter”, and I want to continue to matter and contribute to my own mattering. The way I mean this is more like the physics definition ...the substance of which physical objects are composed.

I want to matter… like, since I matter – I take care of my body …since I matter – I create things, move things. Here is the physical evidence of my presence.

I don’t know if this makes sense, and it isn’t that I want others to not matter. They will, and sometimes I will help them. I just want evidence of ME… mattering. It isn’t that I am SO important, but I just think I need to be important too.

This will unfold as things do…