I’ve received a number of emails (the actual number was 6) about my ‘Rogue Manifesto’ goal on 43Things, which you can read about HERE. Mainly people wanted to know if they could read it now or if it was published elsewhere online, but at the moment, it’s only written in pencil and framed, hanging on the wall in my home office.

After coming out of a depression a few years ago I decided that I wanted to spend my life doing more for other people. I wasn’t sure how I was going to accomplish that, so I sat down and began writing this memo to myself about what it was I would like to do. I signed it. Dated it. Then hung it on the wall above my computer so that everyday I sat down to work, I would see it. It’s to serve as a reminder of what I’m suppose to be doing when I’m not working or flat out goofing off at my workstation. (I’m addicted to Sims 3 and often will play for longer than the allotted amount of time I’ve designated myself for game play.) It’s also to remind me of who I use to be, and to never allow myself to be consumed by greed again. It’s easy to stray from your original path, especially when things along the way become more and more tempting. It’s easy to understand why the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. We often start off with noble and honest ideals, but fall privy to corruption and moral decay in our pursuit for more. I did, and I paid the price for it. Quite literally. And it’s something I care not to have to go through again.

Out of all of the emails I’ve received about the Rogue Manifesto (RM) there was one that stood out in particular to me because this person wasn’t only curious about what the RM says, but how they too could write one of their own. They’ve been longing for a while to find something they could do with their lives, something of some importance, and wanted to know how I went about discovering what it was that I wanted to do, and my only response to her was to write it out.

That sounds so vague, I know, but it’s also exactly what I did. I sat down, and asked myself, what is it that I want to do to help people, and before long, the ideas came to me. I asked myself a number of questions to answer, like “How will BLANK help?” or “What is the purpose of BLANK objective?”. I had to get my mind thinking of ways to convey what it was thinking into spoken words, then record them to paper so I wouldn’t forget. Whether or not this person does this, I’ll never know, but my response was as sincere. I sat down and wrote out my ideas until finally I came up with a completely coherent piece of text that would convey all of what I wanted to say and do.

Sometimes, when I talk about my experiences, I think some people want me to give them concrete answers on how they too can achieve or accomplish the same, and that’s something I cannot do. If it were that easy to say “follow steps A, B, C and D to become successful”, someone would have written it, patented it, and trademarked it a long time ago. There is no rubric for achieving your goals, because the journey varies so greatly from person to person. Whether you want to earn a degree or repaint your garage, no one can tell you, with 100% uncertainty, the single right way to do anything. F we all had the same circumstances, then probably yes, but even then, though our circumstances would be the same, our individual personalities wouldn’t be, which is also a factor in achieving whatever goals you set out to do.

Some people are quite adept at retaining reading material, which would make them proficient analysts, and some need to read documents several times before it sticks, which would mean they probably wouldn’t be best suited as being a court reporter. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and it’s those differences that both determine and separate our life courses. I’m in no way saying that if you don’t have a particular strength you shouldn’t pursue your dreams. No. But what I am saying is that the journey may prove to be a lot more difficult for you than it is for someone else. Just be prepared to train harder, longer and tougher, but the dream is still yours if you want it.

There are a number of goals that I’ve set for myself that are in ares where I’m considerably weak in. But it hasn’t stopped me from pursing them. I have to stay up later and work twice as hard but I’m getting there and in due time, I’ll receive my just reward.

As I’ve mentioned in an early post I am nervous about publicly publishing my Rogue Manifesto because not only will I be watching and holding myself accountable, others will be too. It’s one thing to practice a speech at home in the bathroom mirror, than it is to give the speech in front of a crowd. Now, the Rogue Manifesto isn’t a promise of any kind. It is, but it’s only to myself. A promise that I will try. That I will work hard to make this dream a reality, and by sharing it publicly I believe the support of other people will help me keep that promise. And I fully intend, to keep that promise. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, with what resources, or even when I’ll be able to say that I’ve crossed the finish line, I just know that I’m going to do it. I don’t believe I will, I KNOW that I am. 8 months ago

This morning started off BEAUTIFULLY! I finished customizing a Wordpress theme for a client of mine. I do minor tweaks and edits to Wordpress sites and blogs for those that aren’t very HTML or CSS savvy. I enjoy doing it. It allows me to create something new, and add a personal flair. But I managed to finished the overall look and layout of the site. Now we have to work on the typography (font and text) and it’ll be complete. But in addition to that, I also made some headway with my Filipino Project. Right now I’m looking for someone to help me write the about page and mission statement for the site. I’m not particularly good at writing about pages. I mean I know what I want to say, but I have a hard time finding the words and bringing it all together. Once that’s complete I will be putting the site up. I may share it here nor not. We will see. I also did a minor brainstorming session on something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. It involves giving away money to help people start projects. Not a new concept or even a profitable one. It’s a hobby, and like most of my websites, I do it because I enjoy it.

Speaking of enjoyment, I need to update my short story contest website as well. I haven’t updated the site all week, for one because the weather has had my Internet knocked out a few days this week, but then again I could have gone to Starbucks or someplace to update it but I wasn’t in the mood. Which is no excuse. I need to stay on the ball. If I don’t I’ll get further and further behind, not to mention people will quickly lose interests.

Going to work on that. I’ve been better about keeping things organized. I don’t carry around as many notebooks and tablets as I use to. There was a time when I had a different notebook for every idea, project or brain fart I concocted. Sounds weird, but my desk was always COVERED with notebooks, notepads and scraps of paper. It still is to some extent, but nowhere nearly as bad as it use to be. By the end of next month I intend to have everything consolidated to a single notepad. (Yeah, right).

Which reminds me, I need to go through this stack of newspapers for the Leviathan Project. I will talk more about that later. Hopefully I will get through at least half of the stack by the end of today. But for sure, I want to have gone through them by the beginning of next week. By then my subscription to the Wall Street Journal should have renewed. I forgot to renew it last month. Actually I didn’t forget, I had to have the credit card on file replaced and never updated the information. But it’s all good now, and my papers will resume delivery. By the way, I also giveaway subscriptions to the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Financial Times and Investors Business Daily from my favorite things website. I will have to include the links for you all later.

Speaking of websites, I have noticed an uptick in traffic lately. I don’t know if it’s because of my time on 43Things that has people interested, or if it’s just coincidence. It’s not a substantially large increase in page views, but its more than recent weeks. I’m thankful and grateful for it. It means I’m moving in the right direction with things. I’ve always said I wanted to increase traffic to the site by 3-fold come this December and it’s looking as though I will accomplish just that.

I’m not looking to only increase page views, I want repeat views as well. I want people to WANT to visit my website and not be some online destination they frequent when they’re bored, or stranded at the doctor’s office all evening. I want people to have an interest in what I have to say. I think everyone wants that in some regard, though. To be heard and understood. It makes you feel important. Fills you with a sense of purpose. Everyone needs to feel purpose and importance otherwise why bother with anything. Yes there are exceptions to the rule, and yes there are those who seek understanding on issues that may not have humanity’s overall interests at heart, but I’m talking about the people that are looking to do and create something positive, constructive, something conducive to improving the quality of life of other people. Those are the people whom I speak of when I mention people needed their voices heard. I’m pretty sure none of that made any kind of sense just now because I’ve got about 4 different things on my mind at once. In a moment I’m going to get up from here and head to the grocer. I need to make something for dinner before work tonight, and I have not the slightest idea of what that is going to be. Probably a noodle dish since that will be quick and easy. Not to mention filling. I’ve been trying to eat earlier in the evenings to get myself use to the habit of not eating late at night. So far so good.

I’m also sitting here debating whether or not I’m going to this extra computer in my office, or if I’m going to get rid of it. It’s about 6 or 7 years old and it hasn’t been booted up in months. I’m thinking about scraping it and using the shell to build a custom PC. But we’ll see what happens. I’m in no major hurry. Besides, I need to have some cosmetic repairs done on the car, not to mention I need to stay focused on paying down my overall debt. Which is going good by the way. I don’t have exact numbers yet but I believe it’s down to around $20K total. That includes the car, student loans, credit cards, the whole tamale. Pretty good I think. But things will be even grander once it’s all been paid off! 8 months ago

I’ve been debating with myself this past weekend, whether or not to share something I’ve written almost 3 years ago. I call it my Rogue Manifesto, and it’s something I’ve kept in a frame above my home office computer as a constant reminder of what it is I’m trying to accomplish every day.

I wrote it a few days after officially declaring to myself that I had conquered my depression. My health – emotionally and mentally – was doing a lot better at the time, to which I equated was the end of depression and the beginning of a new life, but I was unable to find any sort of purpose. I knew I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives but I had no idea exactly what that meant, to myself or to anyone else for that matter. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to be important, rather it was that I wanted to do important work. It wouldn’t have to be popular in mainstream news media or trending via social media, no. I’m talking about it being important to a specific person. That whatever I would do, or be involved in would allow me to directly benefit their lives personally. I wasn’t looking to have people dependent on me but I did want them to know that if they had an idea or needed help, I could be someone they could come to for support.

I’ve always believed that you have to give before you can receive. You can’t go through life expecting others to give to you before you’ve even contributed anything yourself. It’s borderline entitlement, something a number of my own friends struggle with. They have this ideology that because they went to school and earned a degree, they should be given a chance at reputable job. Not all of my degree earning friends feel this way, but I’d be lying if I said none of them did. It’s maybe 4 or 5 that do feel sort of entitled over medium to high salary jobs because they’ve earned college degrees. A degree itself doesn’t mean you’re better fit for the job. You may posses certain qualities, skills and attribute that make you a more ideal candidate than someone without, but it doesn’t mean that you are indefinitely the better solution.

While this handful of friends of mine go about with the “gimmie, gimmie, gimmie” mindset, they are in all actuality some of the least productive members of my peer circle. The majority of my friends, and those whom I socialize with regularly, are the kind of people that say “this is what I have, this is what I want, here’s where I want to go, and here’s my plan to make it all happen.” And though a number of them don’t have college or professional degrees, they hold positions as managers for banks, they are successful small business owners, corporate executives, and one has even managed to start a school in South America. It’s a small, school, maybe 10 or so children at most, but it’s not about the magnitude, it’s the fact that she’s doing something she believes in. Grew up poor, put herself through school and is living out her dream. It’s people like her that inspire me every day to get out there and do more for people, who like her, weren’t dealt the best handful of cards but are still winning the game. The people that have an idea, a well put together plan, and and an active agenda, but just need a little help obtaining resources to put it in motion. Not to fund the entire expedition, but to just help start the momentum, and they’ll do the rest.

That’s what my Rogue Manifesto is about. Contributing more to the hopes and dreams of others while fulfilling my own desires and aspirations. It may come off as arrogant, but I want my life to have meaning. I want to be remember for the things I’ve done, and to those I’ve contributed to, and not just for who I am. It’s not about being a hero, or a savior, it’s about being someone that actually gives a damn about someone other than himself. It’s about showing other people that yes, there are good people still in the world that are willing to help you build your dreams. Not everyone is in it for themselves, and not everyone is trying to take advantage of you. Yes there are bad fruits in every bunch, but that doesn’t mean the entire lot is useless. You don’t throw out your wardrobe because one pair of shoes no longer fits, you get rid of the damn shoes and replace them with ones that fit.

I’ve made a number of terrible mistakes in my past, and I’ve paid for them on a number of varying levels, and for a time I use to allow those things to hold me back and down. I use to believe that because I failed, I could never be successful. I would never be able to fulfill my dream of helping other people because they’ll look at me and say “You’ve failed. How can you help me?” But it was because of those failures that I learned what true strength and success means. That I learned how to help someone and not be consumed by my own selfish needs. Through failure is how I’ve been able to achieve, what some deem as impossible, to rebuild. To start over. To begin living the life I’ve always wanted to live. That one mistake is not the end all be all of your dreams. Mistakes don’t define us. Our actions do. Our beliefs and morals do. Some people won’t listen to a thing I have to say because I’m not a celebrity, I don’t have millions of followers via Twitter, nor am I a politician. But then there are those that will listen because they will be able to see my sincerity and my passion. They will see that I’ve fallen, and despite how hard that fall my have been, I’m back on my feet and still running in the race.

I want to uplift and empower people, because when people realize they are capable and able, they can do many great things. I don’t aspire to take any credit for their achievements, I simply just want to help them get there. 8 months ago

Warning: This post was not written with any sort of proper styling. My apologies if this post comes across as incoherent.

Last night I spent a good majority of my time working on something that for now, I’ve dubbed as “Project Start”. Not a particularly interesting name, but I feel it will suffice for now. In a nutshell, “Project Start” is one of the many ways I intend to give back to the community by providing a small (very small) award or gift, (which ever you choose to call it) to a single individual every month to begin a project, hobby or idea that the believe may enable them to create more opportunities either for themselves or others, in the future. To be honest, this isn’t a formal initiative, or program, it’s something I want to do for fun, but at the same time, I will be conducting the necessary research that will enable me to transform this ‘hobby’ of a website into an actual organization. It’s going to take a lot of capital and revenue before it reaches its final stages but I’m confident that I will get it there.

I’m also working with a few friends and acquaintances to help me start my first international venture. I have no specifics for it yet, actually I don’t have the slightest idea of what this organization/business/whatever will do, what it’ll offer, or even how it’ll do it. I just know it will happen in the Philippines. Not an ideal place to start a business, but from the research I have gathered, it’s economy is doing fairly well, all things considering. Not going into a lot of detail about that right now. At least not until I’ve put together more pieces to this puzzle.

You know, these posts are starting to sound an awful lot like my ‘Leviathan’ posts, being that they are business and financially oriented, which is not what I intended this website to be for. Yes, I know freehand writing isn’t suppose to have any sort of structure or organization to it, but I wanted to focus more on myself personally, and not my business and professional aspirations. Right now, nothing comes to mind except an email from a friend last night. She was thanking me for the posts I share via Facebook in the mornings – which reminds me, I need to write one this morning. It’s good to know that the things I share have the potential to touch so many people, and I enjoy doing it. For me it’s about more than garnering likes and comments on my posts, although I do admit, I love to see/read other people’s comments and opinions. It helps me better plan for my next post.

I’m always amazed at how I touch different people. Honestly, the things I post via Facebook are often things I believe personally, or are of experiences I’ve had throughout my life time. When people can relate to those experiences I feel a closeness (not intimate) but more like a kinship between they and I. It’s a subtle way of saying we understand one another despite our differences. Am I making any sense or just rambling? Feels like I’m just rambling. But I guess that’s what freehand writing is. Rambling.

So anyways, getting back to her email, and the many emails I’ve received about my posts, they are all encouraging. As I’ve already stated I believe. I’ve always wanted to help people, but I didn’t want to limit it to charity, donations and traditional philanthropy. I just want to do things for people, you know? To let them know there are people out there who genuinely want to do something good without ulterior motives. Not everyone is looking to be a con. Some people actually want to see the world get better. Sounds like a fairy tale, but it’s true. At least for me. There’s enough chaos and corruption out there, why add to it? “You have to be the change you wish to see in the world”. Mahatma Gandhi said that, and whenever I commit to a project it’s one of the many things I tell/remind myself of. Whatever change you want to see, you have to be the first agent of that change. You can’t expect someone to carry the torch to light your way, you have to do it for yourself. You have to be the one that shows others that whatever change you wish to see is possible, and once others see that it’s possible through you, they’ll follow. But nowadays most people only want to be famous and get rich through the quickest and easiest means. YouTube is full of people hoping to become “successful” overnight posting some of the most ridiculous videos of lackluster quality and of the most ignorant content. How far we have fallen as a society. Or maybe it’s me that’s fallen. Maybe I should abandon my “old world” ways of thinking that in order to achieve anything, you have to work for it.

Maybe that’s it. Yeah right. Had I not believed in work ethic I would have NEVER been able to accomplish some of the things I have in life. The knowledge and experience gained from it all is something I wouldn’t trade for the world. I’ll take knowledge over popularity any day because knowledge never fades. You can always make yourself more knowledgeable, but you can’t always make other people like you. Is that borderline narcissistic? To say I’m not concerned with people liking me? I’m not saying people will always admire who I am, but I’d be lying if I said that I don’t run into a lot of people that are drawn to my personality. I think it’s because I’m a nice guy. It’s certainly not my demeanor because everyone says I have no facial expressions and I always look angry. I don’t think it’s true, but a number of people say that I appear unapproachable. Until I smile or speak, then people see otherwise. I may not smile all of the time, but 90% of the time I’m in a rather plesant mood. The other 10% is where I don’t want to be bothered. 8 months ago

I’m tired this morning. I didn’t get much sleep yesterday, and on top of that I had to work last night. Wasn’t a bad night. The crew was short one or two people but the workload wasn’t too strenuous that we couldn’t get it done. But, as it happened, the work wasn’t completed by the time I left. Why can’t people just get along? If it were that simple the world would be at peace. I don’t want to dwell too much on work. Actually I want to brainstorm some ideas for getting into venture capital. It’s something I’ve been REALLY thinking about a lot the past couple of weeks, and I’m going to give it a shot. I’m not a millionaire by any means, nor would you consider me wealthy. But you have to start somewhere right?

So my idea is to invest in startups relating to the tech, mobile, apparel and food industries. Actually, tech and mobile are the two industries I’m considering most since the demand is there. Apparel and eateries/food businesses are more so a hobby. I haven’t outlined a particular focus, and if you’re reading this and you are a savvy/seasoned/experienced venture capitalist you’re probably thinking “WTF” to say the least.

I’m doing this my own way, granted that sounds a bit bold, but this is how I learn. How I teach myself. I’ve never been good at following others’ examples and ideas, I have to use a “hands on approach” to learn. It’s how I taught myself to invest in stocks (which I’ve been doing quite well for myself) and it’s how I taught myself to build websites. I sound as though I’m making excuses or trying to justify my position. Maybe I am. But I shouldn’t be. Anyone that’s confident in themselves shouldn’t have to make excuses? I’m thinking too much.

My idea is to start small, as I’ve stated. I wanted to invest (which I shouldn’t use that word, invest, so loosely) but I want to invest (there it goes again) in individuals, groups, or even new businesses that don’t have a need for a huge sum of startup capital to get going. I’m talking low. Small. Minute. Less than $10,000. I don’t want to start off throwing money this way and that only to lose everything I have. I’m being practical. But how am I going to go about finding these groups to invest in? I’ve come up with a list of possible sources (and no I won’t share it here, just yet), but I do have a working list of tentative sources. I will have it narrowed down by week’s end, maybe even end of next week. We’ll see.

I also need to do some homework/research from the legal end. Don’t want to be sued, or fined. This has to be legitimate. Which means I’ll need a formal business name to operate under (duh). This is part of my 6 month plan to leave my part time job. I think now is a good time to develop this plan while I have a steady income stream. So if it proves viable by year’s end, I’ll know it’s a good bet. And if not, I’ll need to scale back, restructure, or even rethink this entire venture.

I’m also working on something I’ve mentioned before, Project PDX. I think I’m about ready to test the first website to see how people respond. I’m also doing some research and development through another website. I will mention it later, after it’s been set up.

Which brings me to another point. I need to set up the website and blog for all of this. About me quitting my job that is. I think it’ll be a fun evening project. It’ll also help keep me focused, and any readers/followers the blog garners, will help keep me inline should I ever begin to slack off or lose interest. Which I don’t foresee happening since I REEEEEAAAALLLLYYYYY need to get out of that place! And it’s not so much that I need a new job, I want to work for myself. Be my own boss. It’s more than about making my own rules. There are lots of avenues/career paths I want to explore. Things I want to do, and I won’t be able to do them working a 9-to-5. Especially one that I hate. I’m going to take some time today to start piecing these websites together. This will make the second day that I’ve mentioned them and I don’t want there to be a third and I have yet to take any action. Talk is cheap.

I need to update my Facebook in a little while too. Not sure what I’ll post this morning. Needs to be something GOOOD! Positive! Optimistic! Enlightening and energizing! But about what? It’ll come to me. Sooner or later.

I’m off work tonight, which means I’ll have plenty of time to get some things done. Hopefully I will have tomorrow night off as well. But we’ll see. If not, I’ll just have to make the most out of tonight until my next off night. Which is Saturday. Not far away. Speaking of Saturday, a friend’s music gig is a month from now. I need to give him a ring and get the details. We’ve been friends for nearly 10 years and I’ve never been able to attend any of his shows. Sounds terrible, but I’m always working. Or out of town. But I’m going to this one. I’ll need to buy a camera to take pictures. My old Kodak is busted and I don’t like using my phone to take pics. It has a 3 megapixel camera on it and they always come out grainy. The phone is 3 years old, by the way. I don’t have much need to upgrade to a new device every few months, but I am looking to upgrade this October. Not sure what I’ll get, but I’m leaning towards the Galaxy Note II. Being able to write notes on the go is especially appealing to me, since I absolutely cannot stand to type long passages from a mobile device. Short emails and text are fine, but anything longer than 2 paragraphs and I get annoyed. 8 months ago

Warning: This post was not written with any sort of proper styling. My apologies if this post comes across as incoherent.

More drama at the J-O-B last night. I’m literally sitting here shaking my head as I type this. True, there is drama in every work environment, but my job is just flat out toxic. You have managers and supervisors that spend more time placing blame on one another, than they do getting anything resolved. You have the associates of one shift blaming all the problems on another. There’s discrimination, favoritism, egotistical napoleon complexes, and plain ole’ childish behavior. The tit-for-tat kind of behavior. The “Oh, so you didn’t come in last night, I’m going to reject all of your time off requests” kind of behavior. It’s stupid. And every morning I leave feeling irritable, hostile and tense, which cannot be good for my health; mental or otherwise. And I’m so tempted to throw in the towel and say f* it all, and just quit. Then I have to bring myself back down to reality, once again.

I will admit, that I am a bit nervous about this. Not knowing what I’ll do for income without a job, but then again, I’ve always been relatively proficient at earning a living for myself. At the moment I have some lingering debts hanging about, so I need to factor in trying to have as much of that paid off before I quit. I also, need to be sure to pay up my car insurance, and stash a little something away for monthly utilities and expenses. Matter of fact, I need to sit down sometime today and draft a list of my expenses – current and potential – just in case I should run into a problem where I am unable to generate any income of any kind after my termination. A budget so to speak.

This time will also be beneficial for my to run a few “beta tests” for Project PDX. This way I’ll know for sure whether or not it’ll be a potential viable venture or a flop. Then I can move my focus on to something else. I’m also looking into starting up a few ventures of my own again. As I mentioned before, I still have some lingering debt, but nothing to the magnitude as it was years ago. It’s at a fairly manageable level now, which I’ll get to in a short while.

One of the things I’m looking to get into is venture capital. Nothing near what many established firms invest into today. I want to start small. Investing in home based ventures, small business such as food trucks, mom and pop eateries, independent clothing lines, things of that nature. Things with huge potential but relatively low startup costs, meaning nothing over $250,000. After all, it’s not entirely new territory for me, and I think it’ll do me good to get back into my old interests and passions. So why did I ever stop to begin with? Well, that’s a long story in and of itself, which I’ll share with you sometime. Maybe.

But to put it simply, I went through a devastating emotional experience a few years ago, and it completely changed the person I was. I’m writing a book about it as we speak. I think some will find it an interesting read. I don’t think it’ll top the best sellers list as I have a ways to go before my writing exhibits that kind of talent and professionalism. But eventually one day I hope to pen a best seller. We’ll have to wait and see what happens, right?

I think I’m going to start a blog that chronicles my plans to leave my current job. You know, the more I think about that place, the angrier I become. Not at the job, but at myself. I cant believe I allowed myself to be complacent in that place for sooooo long. I understand I was in a tough spot emotionally and mentally, but still, I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to work through it. No sense dwelling on the past. What’s done is done. Time to move on. Kicking myself won’t solve or change anything. Only my actions today will. And committing myself to an active plan to leave my job is the first step. The second is working on a budget and expense sheet, and the third is coming up with a few ideas to test out and a few plans to brainstorm.

I’m excited! Like, really excited right now. Totally energized, and pumped to take on the day. I’m going to work on some notes via my Blackberry as I try to catch a nap before 10AM. I have a few errands to run today., none of which I’m excited about. I need to have a diagnostic check on the engine. That annoying check engine light keeps coming on. Weird thing is that it doesn’t stay on, it’ll come on one day, and after driving the car a few more miles, it goes off and won’t turn on again for another week or two. It’s been doing that since August, and the last time I took it in, the mechanic kept it for 3 days and couldn’t duplicate the problem. But he thinks it may be an 02 sensor going bad, so I’m taking her in this week while the light is on the have it checked. Hopefully it won’t go out before I can get it to him.

I want to have this taken care of as soon as possible. My birthday is coming up next month which means it will be time to renew my vehicle’s registration and tag. I don’t have any plans for my birthday just yet, but we’ll see what comes up. Maybe friends will want to have a dinner party or something, or I may go out of town to celebrate with friends up north. I haven’t seen them in forever. Actually, it’s only been since the 4th of July, which wasn’t all that long ago. 8 months ago

Warning: This post was not written with any sort of proper styling. My apologies if this post comes across as incoherent.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my post yesterday, and to be honest I’m not pleased with it at all. It sounds whiny, bitchy, angry, very pessimistic – just to name a few words and phrases that come to mind. I will freely admit that I do have a tenancy to be arrogant, and a bit brash. But on the other hand, when I think about it, I don’t see anything wrong with it. It would be different if I always criticizing others, putting them down or belittling them, or even making myself look good at their expense, but it’s not any of that. Come to think of it, why is this on my mind so much? Why does it bother me that people think I’m arrogant? Should I even care? If people can’t take my personality, that’s their issue, not mine. I mean, I don’t even get along with everyone I know and meet, all the time, so why should people expect any different from me? But it does bother me because people have an assumption about me (is it really an assumption??) and they want it to be true so bad, it’s the only point of view/perceptive they’re willing to accept. Yes, I honestly believe that. I’ll work on that issue later.

As you all know, I’ve decided to quit my job within six months. There are a number of reasons, but the biggest is that I want to dedicate my time to something else. I want to help people. Help them with their mortgages, student loans, childcare expenses, medical bills, shopping habits, personal goals, whatever. I don’t necessarily want to make peoples’ wishes come true, but I would like to be in a position to where I can help those in need of something. I’m not talking about for everyone, I’m talking about the people out there that are trying to make a better life for themselves, but need just a little bit of help to get them through the rough patch. Let’s be honest, there are people out there that don’t want to do, and have no intentions of lifting a finger to do anything, and will do almost the bare minimum to skirt by. I know everyone needs help sometimes, but I think my time will be better spent doing for those that are already working and doing for themselves. Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? Exactly how I’m going to do this I’m not sure, I just know that’s what I want to delicate my life to after this year and beyond. I’ve spent enough time working some for someone else, and it’s time for me to get out there and fulfill my dreams doing the things I’m passionate about, which is finding ways to help, enable, and empower people to pursue and achieve the things in life they desire.

When I say it aloud to myself it sounds like a pipe dream. And then I start asking myself “help them to do what?”, to which I have no answer for. Actually, I do have an answer, and it’s to help them do whatever the hell it is they’re trying to do. I’ve been donating a lot of money via crowdfunding websites lately, and it’s been a very rewarding experience. Some of the organizers and project planners offer rewards for your contributions, but I don’t do it for the rewards. Some of them are pretty nice, like this limited edition piece of art I’ve received from a creator on the Kickstarter website, but mostly, it’s the emails of thanks I receive from people. (Now if that doesn’t make me sound arrogant…) I’m not saying I get off on people’s praise, but when people thank you it shows appreciation and gratitude. It shows that you’ve done something of importance that matters to someone else. And that’s what I look for. Being able to give people something to smile about. Even if it’s only for a brief second, knowing I’ve made a difference in that person’s life, regardless of how small, or large or to whatever degree or magnitude. I think I’m coming off as too much of a bleeding-heart. I think I care too much sometimes, but then again, I think the world could use a few more people that care too much, because it seems to be full of people that don’t care enough, or even at all. Everyone’s in it for themselves, yet, as soon as the good times cease to roll, they’re looking for someone to give them a helping hand or a leg up. All people aren’t like this, but there are a good many that are. The ones I really despise are the ones that make excuses for why they couldn’t have helped anyone in the past, and why they need someone to help them now in the present. I’ve met a handful of people like this recently and it astonishes me to no end the selfishness, and the nerve, of some people. Yes, I have my won faults and I’m nowhere near perfect, but at least I don’t pretend that I am.
Different strokes for different folks, I always say. But enough of my angry, semi-judgmental rant. Let’s move on to something a bit more uplifting.

I’ve received a few responses from the notes I’ve been leaving in public all month. Nowhere near the volume I was hoping for, but some response is better than none. At least I know what I need to to moving forward. I have a few ideas I want to implement for next month, and no, I’m not going to reveal them now. You’ll just have to wait and see what I come up with. But I do believe they will help encourage more responses from people. Let’s just say, I’m giving the whole Idea, a facelift. I’m also planning to add more an incentive offer to it. But that’s not until middle or end of November, when it’s a lot closer to the Christmas holiday. 8 months ago

Warning: This post was not written with any sort of proper styling. My apologies if this post comes across as incoherent.

Opportunity. Whenever I hear anyone mention the word opportunity I find they often mean a chance or an occurrence with the potential to change their current situation for the better. Whether it’s a better paying job, a new car, relocating midway across the U.S., or whatever it is they believe these opportunities are. I know everyone has their own perception of what opportunity is to them, and by no means am I saying mine is the definitive answer. Based upon my own life, every opportunity I’ve had was a direct result of the work I was doing, the goals I was pursuing and the dreams I was chasing. Things didn’t “just happen” to me, I had to put in effort. I had to learn what a good stock pick looked like before investing in the markets. I had to know what a bad loan looked like before financing my first car. I was promoted at my job but I put in the work and showed a willingness and a want to move up. I often stayed late, came in early and went well beyond the scope of my normal job duties. Prayer and faith are fine, but life has taught me not everything is resolved through prayer and faith alone. You have to work for what you want, and sometimes, what you believe in.

what I mean by that is, if you believe starting a community garden will save your neighbors dozens of dollars on their food bills, then it’s up to you to put in whatever work will be necessary to prove your hypothesis. I am a man of faith, and too often I see other peoples of faith prayer and asking for things they can easily resolve themselves, or for things they don’t even work for. I’ve always been taught that you have to put yourself in a position to receive whatever it is you’re asking for, before you can ever receiving anything. You have to be in the running for President if you are to be elected President.

I think a lot of people will shy away from, or even turn their nose up at this belief because it requires them to be responsible for their actions and themselves. Praying for opportunity alleviates a person from having to go out and work for it. They can just blame it on the notion that it’s not their season, or God’s timing isn’t right. Or that it didn’t happen because there’s something better, or whatever the excuse might be, but not once will they ever stop and consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, things didn’t work out because there was something THEY failed to do.

I think I’m going to write a more in depth blog post about that later on today or tomorrow. I want o sit down and collect my thoughts on that topic a lot better because I think people will respond to it, whether in support of or opposition, I think it’s a post that will get people talking, which is good. It’s good to exchange ideas in healthy dialog. Though I will admit, not everyone is capable of conducting healthy conversation or dialogue. Some people prefer to shout and dominate the argument. I’ve had my share of conversations with people like that and it takes away from the potential effectiveness of the exchange. Besides, I feel as though I’m coming off as a bit condescending, which I am not.

Speaking of being condescending, I asked my supervisor for two days off next month, to take care of some legal matters. In so many words she basically said no, because there wouldn’t be adequate coverage in the store, and it was all I could do to keep from rolling my eyes. Sometimes, I really want to say the hell with it all, and just quit, and take my chances. But being practical, and realistic, I can’t do that just yet. There are still a number of loose ends to tie up, before I’ll be able to big farewell to this place, not to mention the mountain of debt I’m still tackling, which I will add is getting smaller by the day. It’s just not small enough yet for me to call it a mole hill. Eventually. But not today. Long story short, my time off request was denied, which means I’ll have to go speak to the facility manager, which is sometimes like talking to a brick wall. I can understand very well that a business needs people in place to run the day-to-day tasks of that business, but the office politics needs to stop. Sometimes I get the feeling these people do it because they can and because it gives them a sense of power and control. I somehow doubt the attitudes would be the same if the majority of the workers here didn’t need this job, and used it as a secondary source of income. Which is funny, because now that I think about it, every one of my co-workers, well not every one, but a good majority of them have expressed to me at one time or another that if they weren’t behind on the mortgage, needed to pay private school tuition, didn’t have their parents’ medical bills to take care of, or some other financial burden weighing them down, they’d quit. It’s depressing some nights I’m there, because a lot of the people there are getting by, but it’s tough. Their spouses have been laid off, or can’t find work, and family life is getting tougher by the minute. I feel bad for them. I can’t say much about their personal lives, but when you see the stress of everyday life on their faces it’s hard not to be sympathetic. It’s easy to say what someone should, could or needs to do from the outside looking in, but until you’ve walked in that person’s shoes, we really have no idea what the other goes through. I try my best not to judge and give some people the benefit of the doubt. I say some because there are those who have put themselves in difficult situations by their own will. I won’t say they deserve it, but at the end of the day we have to acknowledge our own wrong doing in life. Not every calamity is someone, or something, else’s fault. Sometimes we do it to ourselves. I’ve done it on more occasions than I can count. 8 months ago

I’ve been thinking about this post the majority of last night. A number of times, I intended to write portions of it throughout the night, but I could never catch a break in between all of the work I needed to get done. I could have done it during my l”unch break”, but I wanted to use that time to relax and unwind. So here we are.

What I wanted to write about was confidence, arrogance and self surety – if there’s even such a thing as self surety. What I mean is that I’ve had a few conversations with friends as of late, and many of them have mixed feelings about the topic. For one, many feel people should be more humble about themselves, that talking about ones accomplishments, and capabilities is a social faux pas, and under no circumstance should anyone ever engage in such behavior. Then on the other end of the spectrum, I have friends who like myself, agree that there is a fine line between being confident and arrogant, and that there is nothing wrong with saying that we are capable of certain actions, or above certain standards.

Let’s be honest here. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has some sort of level of standards/expectations for themselves, their lives, the people around them, their jobs, whatever. Everyone expects to be treated a particular way regardless of how others feel about it, yes? Or is it just me? Surely I can’t be the only person out there that feels in order to call me a friend, you have to meet a a certain list of criteria, determined by yours truly. That doesn’t mean I won’t hold a conversation or be casual/social with anyone, because I will. However, to be a friend – my friend – there are certain elements, traits, characteristics or what have you that I don’t particularly care to socialize or associate myself with, and I’m sure you do the same. There are certain types of people that you don’t care to affiliate yourself with, and that’s okay. For whatever reasons you have, those are your reasons. I won’t share any of mine here because I don’t want people feel as though I’m singling them out, I’m just making a point that there are things we look for in the people we socialize with. I have yet to meet anyone that was okay with any and everything, that any and everyone does. I’ve gotten off topic.

My main focus was to be on confidence and arrogance. I consider myself confident because while I am not afraid to say whatever it is I know myself to be good at, I don’t do so at the expense of another person. For example, I know that I’m a hard worker. I’m willing to put in whatever effort it takes to get the job done right, and I won’t complain. However, there are those that do not work as hard as I do ( which is evident in their performance), just as you know within your own place of employment that there are those who have a less than par work ethic than your own. Now I’m sure you don’t go around flaunting it, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true. Now we can argue semantics, and say that there are those less able because of a handicap or disability. True. I’m talking about the able body people that seem not to put forth an effort to do anything, and you all know at least one. So don’t pretend as though you don’t, because you do. Admitting it won’t make you an evil person.

Anyway, I bring this topic up, because in a recent discussion with a friend, I shared with her bits and pieces of my past, and I made the comment that I knew the worst was behind me, and I had I didn’t have to worry about anything ahead. So she makes the comment, “Don’t say that. God has a way of surprising you.” Which pissed me off because for one, how dare you assume that because I am unafraid to say that I have progressed, that I have overcome my shortcomings and troubles, that God is going to punish me for acknowledging what I know to be true. Granted I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do know that it’s a lot better than what I’ve been through. How do I know this? Because I know what has and hasn’t in my own life, and I’ve been at the point where I’ve lost everything – financially, materialistically, emotionally, etc – and now that I’m better, I can say, without a doubt that I can get through anything. I’m confident enough to say that whatever happens tomorrow, I will survive and I will get through it because I’ve already been through the worst. If I’ve already climbed Everest, what differences will climbing a few additional hills make? None! Absolutely None! Sometimes I think some people have issues within themselves and instead of acknowledging them, they try to make other people feel about the very thing they wish they were capable of. That sounds harsh. Actually this entire post sounds harsh. Maybe tomorrow when I’m a bit more level headed I will be able to convey my thoughts in a more organized fashion. If you can’t tell, this friend of mine really got under my skin with her comments.

I just hate how people always try to guilt me into feeling like the bad guy because I’m not afraid to acknowledge my strengths. There are things about me that make me better than others, just as there are things that make me weaker. Why is it okay for me to talk about the things that make me weaker than others, however, if I possess a trait, or skill, that’s stronger, more refined, or better conditioned than someone else, why does talking about the qualities that are better than most, make me an ass? I think it stems from resentment and self loathing. Maybe most people would prefer to not know the areas that make them weak. I could speculate on and on with this but I’m not going to. Besides, I don’t have much time left at the moment. 8 months ago

I’m not going to lie. I do not want to go to work tonight. I’m thinking of calling in. I’m sure that sounds terrible, but I feel terrible. I’ve had two migraines within the last 24 hours and the nausea won’t go away either. Hopefully, things will subside by tomorrow and I can get back to my normal routine. I haven’t been able to write as much because of the headaches, which have become more frequent in the past weeks. I believe it’s a combination of diet and computer use. Perhaps the luminescence from the LCD screen combined with a low calorie intake is causing the headaches. I do know that when I don’t eat regularly, ‘m prone to headaches. But I’m speculating and hoping this is a quick fix to a possibly larger problem. In the past, friends were concerned I may have a brain tumor, possibly clotting, but as of my last check up I am in excellent health, as far as that’s concerned anyway. I feel fine now, but we’ll see what today brings.

Moving forward, I’ve almost completed setting up the new contests for one of my websites. I don’t recall if I’ve ever mentioned this or not, but 3 years ago I began hosting a small writing comeptition from one of my websites. It was started purely as a hobby and featured only one contest. I’m now up to 5 or 6 and if things continue at the rate they are going, I’ll be able to include an additional 5 by this time next year. Most of the contests are varying forms of short story competitions. There are a few poetry contests, but for the most part, they revolve around short stories. Moving forward, I want to include more topic, themed and genre specific contests, as opposed to the generic, “Write a story of 1,500 words” competitions I’m sponsoring now.

Each contest is managed, sponsored and judged by myself. But this is only temporary. I want to someday expand this contest beyond personal hobby, and into a nationally acclaimed contest with awards that carry real merit and value. I’m not sure how a literary competition gets recognized by the scholarly world, and I’m sure it’s no easy feat, especially considering my contest isn’t backed by any sort of recognizable or accredited organization or institution. But I’ll get there. It’ll be a long, arduous journey, but I’ll get it there. The ultimate goal is to convert contest winnings into scholarships and grants. Something people can put to good use. Not saying someone can’t put a cash prize to good use, but an education will provide so many opportunities later. A lot more than an instant cash prize.

Speaking of education costs, I do have one website/developing organization that is geared towards supporting improving education and literacy. By the beginning of next year, I want to be able to solidify that into a formal for-profit entity, and begin fundraising to start pulling in the necessary funds I’ll need for the various activities and programs this organization will support. One of which, is a scholarship program that awards partial scholarships and grants to underprivileged high school seniors. I want to someday expand this program to include graduating seniors of all socio-economic backgrounds, but the main focus is on those who come from families with very little money and resources to send their kids to college. I haven’t come up with any formal requirements and/or list of qualifications to receive a scholarship or grant from this organization, but I’ll have that ready in the coming months once I’ve put together all of the legal requirements and framework for taking on such a venture, which I’m sure is probably an awful lot of red tape. I think the biggest obstacle is that this is a for-profit enterprise. But I can always create a non-profit or charitable arm that would oversee the distribution of the scholarship money to avoid any legal conflict of interests.

But that’s all in the making. None of which will happen now, but the contests are a starting point. I have about a week to get things in order, because I’ve designated October 1st as the premier date for the new leg of contests. I’m hoping participants respond to them well. There are already a gazillion contests out there, but not all of them are looking to do what it is I’m doing. Some of them are essentially for profit models. Charging entries upwards around $5 to $50 depending on the contest. If they get enough participants to enter, they can rake in a considerable amount of profit. I’ve considered staring a series of contests that charge an entry fee, but at the present time I’m reluctant to do so. I don’t want to give off the perception that my contest is all about the money, because it’s not. It’s about the writers. Which is why I’m adamant about building a contest platform that rewards its winners in ways that will extend beyond the temporary glory of being dubbed the latest winner.

Fantasy? Not at all. It’s a very real and possible dream. Easy? Hell no. But anything worth having is worth working for, right? Is that how the expression goes? Probably not.

If you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned the names of either website is because I’m still trying to get some clarification on whether doing so is against the 43Things user terms. I managed a considerable number of websites and mentioning them all here may be construed as spamming or mass marketing. Neither of which is what I am trying to do. So for now I’ll continue to play it safe. If you’d like to know, send me an email via the 43Things website and I’ll share the links to these two sites with you, and if you have any contests that you yourself manage, let me know and I’ll include links from my website to yours. Deal? Deal! 8 months ago

Good morning, self! A while ago, I spent some time online browsing for different writer’s courses and and programs to practice different styles of writing, i.e. blogging, for publications (newspapers, magazines), fiction writing and even screen writing. Believe it or not, I have no aspirations what so ever to become a professional author, editor, journalist, or experienced writer of any kind. I’m doing it for personal reasons, well, I guess you could say I am doing it for reasons other than personal, because I do want to be able to write better posts on my blog and websites. I want people to be engaged on my sites, and having presentable content will play a huge part in that. I have yet to find one that I’m ready and willing to sign up for, but I’ve come across a dozen that look promising. I would list them here, but, I’m on my laptop away from home. I pulled up these sites on my desktop at home (now I’m wishing I had at least written them down). But I’ll provide a brief review later on in another post.
But what I really wanted to talk about was an idea to help with my morning ‘1000 words a day for 30 days’ goal on 43Things. Some mornings I have a hard time deciding on what to write about. I really don’t want to do anymore free hand writing, because it always turns into rough planning for a website, event or a home project, and I don’t want to do that. I want to get myself into the custom of writing at length on a particular theme or topic. Which, I’ll add, is helping so far. I’ve been churning out these 1000 word posts like nobody’s business – I have dozens saved to my computer at the moment, by the way. But sometimes It’s hard to come up with a singular topic. So what I’ve decided to do, is to write down a number of ideas, topics, themes, discussion points, drop them in a bowl, and every morning, pull one idea from the bowl, and write about it. Genius!
We’ll I won’t call it ‘genius’ per say, because I’m sure someone else has had the same thought – I actually came up with it while randomly listing points to discuss on an ebook I’m writing, and I thought “Hmm, this would make a great way to find topics for my 1000 word a day posts.” Okay, maybe I didn’t say it verbatim that way, but my actual thoughts were along those lines.
I’m going to head to garden ridge later today, and pick out a nice decorative piece that will service as the ‘idea bowl’. I’ll be sure to snap a picture of it and upload it to the site later today. Not sure how clear it’s going to show up since my phone has a dated camera, but I’ll still post it nonetheless. And don’t worry, October is almost here, and I’ll be upgrading all my tech toys very soon. New phone, tablet, and possibly a laptop. (I’m thinking about investing in an ultrabook to help me with building my websites while away from the home office.) Once I’ve updated all of my gadgets, you can expect more frequent posts, both on 43Things and off. But in the mean time I will have to make due with what I’ve got.
So my ‘idea bowl’ (I need a more suitable name for this thing) is one of the new ways I’ve come up with to encourage writing, and another (which should have been an obvious solution from the beginning) is to revisit writings from my past. These aren’t necessarily old blog posts, but anything I’ve written, from the partial and brief essays, old journal entries, poems, short stories, notes and outlines from planning on previous projects – just about anything. I’ve mentioned on other posts, via 43Things and elsewhere about the number of things I’ve written over the years, I’m talking an oasis of personal compositions collected over the years. I have a temperature-controlled, storage unit where I house everything, except the things I’m working on currently. It’s my own personal archive, and there is MORE than enough there to write about. Hence the reason I’m writing a few books, ebooks, and considering publishing an anthology of short stories. (I repeat that too often.)
Why I’ve never thought about this before is beyond me, and I feel like rather of a dunce than anything, because I feel as though it should have been common sense. It should have been the first thing that came to mind, I think. I’m not going to go through the whole mantra of berating myself for not having thought of the obvious. But I do wish I had thought of it sooner, because I think it may have helped with writing more of my books – which by the way is coming along quite nicely, by the way.
I’ll continue to look for other ways to stimulate ideas for writing, because I think if I have different ways of coming up with ideas and topics to write about, it’ll keep me wanting to write without feeling obligated. I don’t want to feel as though it’s a chore. I want to enjoy it, and the only way for me to do that, is to keep things fresh and new. By changing up the ways in which I write, and what I write about. (Did that make ANY sense, just now? I hope so. I don’t want to confuse anyone.) But it’s just a thought. I feel by starting the day with a different writing exercise, I’ll be more inclined to write, and at length. So far, it’s been working pretty good. I’ve been able to write without interruption, since I started this goal a week ago. It’s becoming a lot easier to write at length, but, my only problem is that it’s hard to get started sometimes because I spend time (too much time in my opinion) deliberating on what it is I want to write about. I think once I have resolved that issue, the only problem I will have left will be to continue working on my grammar and punctuation. Speaking of which, I’ve been looking for different online courses that will help with my grammar also. 8 months ago

Warning: This post was not written with any sort of proper styling. My apologies if this post comes across as incoherent.

I’m exhausted. I’ve been up all night, working on this website, and though I’ve made some significant headway on the site, I still have a long way to go. I gave ‘Hammer’ a call today about the site’s user agreement and privacy policy and he’s assured me that it will be ready by the end of this coming week. Awesome! Once that’s done, I’ll be another step closer to accepting application and proposals for funding, and at that point, Phase I will be complete.

Phase II is going to take a considerable more amount of time to implement and complete because it involves investing larger amounts of money. I’m talking in the tens of thousands of dollars range. Most of Phase II will be funded by profits from my my web stores and affiliate commissions. It’s going to take a while to reach my target of 5K in sales (that’s sales, not profit) per month, but once I do I figure there will be enough to start investing a tenth of the store’s profits into various fundraisers.

But all of that is months away from now. Right now I’m focused more on getting a handful of ventures off the ground. The next 4 months are going to be painstakingly busy, but in the end it will all be well worth it.

In other news, I think I’ve officially completed the first chapter of my memoir. I’m going to give a once-over one more time, but I think I’m content with it for now. I stress the ‘for now’ part, because who knows. I may feel the need to change it after more of the book is written. I have outlines and summaries for maybe half of the chapters, and some of them I admit, I probably won’t include in the finished work. They’re too bland. When I read them, they remind me of those long, action-less sequences in movies where the audience is bombarded with lifeless conversation after lifeless conversation. I’m not saying my memoir is an action film in the making, but I don’t want to bore readers to death with too much background and detail. By the end of the coming week, I will be ready to start posting some of my sample content to the website. (Oh yes, another website.) This one is to help promote my memoir. I thought it might be fun to blog about my experience up until the book is finished, formated and published. I’m thinking about offering “exclusive” content to the site for my regular followers, or offering a free copy of the book, or something. I want to make the site fun and enjoyable for the audience. I want them to be excited about the book, inspired by it. I want it to do some good, so I’m going to put a lot of time, energy and resources to see that it does just that.

Whether or not it becomes a best seller is irrelevant at this point. Besides, if no one likes it, then becoming a best seller is out of the equation. Truthfully, I never intended on making a lot of money from the book. I had no intentions of giving it away, but I didn’t decide to write it, hoping it would make me rich. I honestly believe that I have a story worth telling, and though it may never become mainstream, there is still the possibility that someone out there needs to hear it because they’re going through similar experiences as I had back then.

Come to think of it, sometimes I wonder if this book is my way to atone for the things I’ve done in the past. I don’t feel guilty or shameful about my past, but I do acknowledge there are things that I wish I could change. I’m not proud of some of it, but I have accepted responsibility for and have made peace with it all. I messed up, and I would like to do something that will prevent someone from making the same mistakes as I did. And this book, my memoir, is one of the ways for me to do that. I’m not hoping it absolves me of my sins or anything, I just want to show someone that it’s never too late to change, but there’s no reason to put yourself through hell in order to learn that.

You know, that’s the first time I ever admitted that openly. I’ve thought it a few times, but I’ve never openly admitted it in any form or forum where someone else could be privy to it. Feels good to get it off my chest though. Really good. Plopping down on a cool, cushy couch after a long day at the office. That kind of good.

If I finish this chapter soon, I’ll share an excerpt with everyone later in the week. Or I may wait until after I’ve written more of the story. I don’t know. We’ll see.

Speaking of stories, I don’t know if you recall my idea to proceed with re-writing and revising some of my old short stories, but I have committed to the idea, and later in the week, I’ll purchase domains and hosting for the sites and by end of October, they will be up and running and available for everyone to enjoy. I’m excited about this as well. Truthfully, I’m excited about my life in general. I feel like some serious weight has been lifted off of me the past few months. Before I always felt bogged down and under so much pressure, that I couldn’t think straight because of all the constant headaches and migraines from worrying and stress. And that was only 2 years ago. Once I finally shed these last few pounds from my mid section, I will be back to my old physical self. Another draw back to depression is weight gain. Some people lose weight, but I put it on. Almost an extra 100 pounds. I didn’t eat a lot, but eating the wrong foods combined with a lack of exercise will make anyone pack on the pounds. I have about 30 or so more pounds to go before reaching my target weight, which I’m hoping to hit by end of this year.

Everything’s looking up. Let’s pray it stays that way. 8 months ago

Warning: This post was not written with any sort of proper styling. My apologies if this post comes across as incoherent.

For the first time in weeks, I spent more than 10 minutes on Facebook. Lately, I’ve only signed in long enough to read and respond to emails, and maybe ‘Like’ a status or two, but that’s been about it. This morning, however, I did more than my typical routine, and actually spent time reading friends’ posts, notes, viewing picture, but mostly engaged in a few chat sessions. Friends were curious to know what was up with my absence from the site as I usually post quite regularly, until beginning of August, which is when I usually go missing for about 2 weeks to mourn my brother’s death. I don’t quite think I can call it “mourning” at this point, seeing as how it’s been 5 years, and on top of that, I’m not upset about it anymore. I mean, I am still upset and hurt by the loss, but it’s not an emotional burden any longer. I’ve made my peace with it, and have come to accept it for what it is.

As I’ve said, this usually lasts for about 2 weeks, but this year I’ve been absent almost 2 months. I haven’t been in mourning the entire time, just preoccupied with a number of things. At present, I’m nearly 30 days away from the end of my fiscal year – October 25. This is the date where I set goals for the coming year – personal, financial and professional – and at the end of that year, I take stock of what goals were completed, which exceeded my expectations, and which goals I didn’t meet for whatever reason. I started this about 7 or 8 years ago, because I didn’t see the point in waiting until New Years to start making resolutions and goals for the coming calendar. And it just so happened that the date I came up with this idea was October 25th, and it stuck from there.

So far, this year, I have made a number of strides, but I did fail to complete 2 goals that I desperately wanted to put behind me after this year, but for a number of reasons, mainly financial, I wasn’t able to. I’m not heartbroken about it, but I won’t deny that it would have been nice to say that I was 100% debt free.

The two goals in question are 1.) having all my business loans paid back in full, and 2.) eliminate all credit card debt. Considering the amounts of the business loans themselves, this goal was quite a stretch. But I do believe by setting the bar so high, is what enabled me to make as much progress as I did over the past 12 months. And as far as the credit card debt goes, I could have had that paid off but I needed to have my car serviced a few times this year. But despite these expenses, I was still able to put a significant dent in the balances that I owe. God willing, by this time next year I WILL be 100% debt free!

I’ve also spent the time exploring a number of ideas for a number of ventures I intend to start in the coming year. One of which, probably the one I am most excited about, is sort of a funding initiative to help people acquire funding for small projects and ideas. It’s not a crowdfunding website in the traditional sense, where you have hundreds, possibly thousands of backs on one site. Instead, this is me offering funds to a select number of individuals and groups to pursue their projects and ideas. This isn’t the entire scope of this venture by any means, but it is a starting point until I can raise the money, and acquire the proper licenses and permits, to move on to larger, more equitable opportunities in venture funding, and finally, angel investing. It’s a bold plan, but every idea starts with a single seed.

I’m also looking to start a motivational and coaching firm that will help people plan and execute various projects and ventures. I’m not a guru by any means, but I do have years of experience with properly planning, and executing different ventures, whether they’re personal projects and hobbies, home businesses, or even a full, brick and mortar mom and pop businesses. I’m not looking to work with established businesses, though I won’t turn a potential client down should they ever seek my services, but I’m largely looking to help what big business would call “ordinary people”. The people with 9 to 5 jobs, kids, and don’t have assets in excess of tens of thousands of dollars. Your average, middle class, working individuals. But as I’ve said before, I won’t discriminate against anyone from any economic background or class. If they have ideas, and need help vetting them out, I’d be willing to offer my services, which will basically consist of me helping them structure their ideas into action. Helping them decide which marketing strategies will work best for them, how to utilize social media, building their brand, becoming relevant on the web, filing the necessary paperwork for permits, licenses and other legal documents they made need to operate their business. Granted, there is a wealth of information on the Internet, and someone could simply Google whatever it is they want to know, but sometimes, people want real help. Someone that’s going to show them how to do it, where to go, and when to get it done. It’s one thing to read about a processes, and another to have to implemented for yourself.

I have a few more ideas that I’m working on, but those are the main two. At the rate things are going, I should have one, if not both, ready to go by mid November. But definitely by Spring 2013, both will be established and active businesses.

I’m excited! I’m finally getting my spirit back, and pursuing the career path I wandered away from years ago! 8 months ago

This entry is from September 21.

First off, again, I’d like to say thanks to all of the 43Things members. The past few days have been phenomenal, thanks to your supportive and encouraging emails. Everyday, I probably receive maybe 2 or 3 emails from members commenting on my goals and a number of the posts I’ve contributed to the site. Even I find myself messaging a number of people to spark conversation, comment on their entires, and thank them for their efforts within the community as well. There have been a number of times where I’ve found myself unmotivated to write, but after reading the posts of others, I’m rejuvenated, and ready to get back to work. Okay, I just spent a few seconds re-reading what I’ve written thus far, and it makes absolutely no sense, lol. If you too, were lost by the above paragraph, let me paraphrase by saying I’m inspired everyday by the warm emails and supportive comments from members, and I also would like to thank the 43Things community for their efforts because there have been a number of times where I’ve felt unmotivated, and your posts have rekindled my inspiration.

Thanks!

I went to see the new Resident Evil film today. (SPOILER ALERT) It was alright, but in a way, I’m thankful the series didn’t end with this film as I would have been disappointed. But thankfully, it doesn’t, so I’m happy for that. It was a decent movie. Nothing you have to rearrange your weekend to go see, unless of course you’re a die hard fan of the franchise, but if not, catch it when you can. Guess I shouldn’t have mentioned Spoiler Alert, because I don’t think I spoiled anything for anyone who has intentions to see the film. I’m babbling again, and have gotten completely off focus, because what I’ve really wanted to write about was the fact that this past week has been wonderful for me.

I’ve made a lot of progress on my blogs, books and other websites, and I should be ready to unveil them soon. I’m also looking to increase my activity on 43Things. I don’t think I’m doing enough on the site. There’s so much potential and opportunity (from what I can see) to do a lot of good for others, as well as myself, that I find it hard to plot a good starting place. I want to help everybody, do some of everything, which I know, realistically isn’t possible. But even still, I’d love to try. Though I’m sure it may seem to some as though I’m only aiming to stroke my own ego or placate my vanity, but neither are true. I mean, I really, REALLY want to get out there and help as many people as I can through this site. Is that so wrong? I free admit, that it does feel good – no, GREAT! – to read emails from people I’ve brought a smile to. It lets me know that I am making a difference – albeit a small, seeming insignificant difference – but a difference nonetheless. Every journey begins with a single step, and right now, I can view the things I have done thus far as my small steps.

I’ve saved a copy of the site’s user agreement and terms to read over the weekend. I’ve read them before, but it was mostly to skim through looking for any indication that some of the goals I’ve posted were in violation of the 43Things terms. So far so good, but it never hurts to be thorough.

Speaking of helping others, the holidays are approaching and I’m considering doing some volunteer work in hospitals and hospices for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I could do this any time of the year, yes, but I do understand that the holidays are particularly lonely for a lot of people. Especially those confined to a hospital bed. I have a list of places to contact already, but we’ll see what comes up. And of course, I’ll write about the experiences to share with everyone. I’m not sure exactly what I would be permitted to do, but I do know that I would like to be able to interact with the patients. Talk to them, hear their stories. To be good company. I wouldn’t be opposed to helping with hospital duties either, but no paper work! I would hate to be stuck in any sort of supervisory or administrative capacity. Though I’m sure hospitals probably have restrictions in place to prevent volunteers from handling records, but just because the rules on are on the books, doesn’t mean everyone adheres to them. Be honest. At one time or another, most of us have bent the rules slightly to allow someone to get by with tasks on the job. I know I have. But then again, allowing non-hospital personnel to review patient records is not within the same realm as allowing someone to take an extend 30 minutes on their lunch break. But you get where I’m coming from right?

I didn’t volunteer last year because I didn’t have the time, but this year I’m definitely giving it some serious thought and if the time is there, I’m going for it.

Come to think of it, a friend works for social services. I’ll give her a call later this evening to see if she’s heard of, or knows of any volunteer programs. Hopefully so. If not, I’ll just have to go old school, and start calling various hospitals, nursing homes, and hospices to see what information I can find. I would like to continue volunteering after the holidays, but I already have a pretty full agenda, and I don’t want to add commitments I won’t be able to keep.

For one, I’ll be heavily involved with my project funding firm. Speaking of which, I need to set some time aside today to finalize my plans for the coming months to be sure I stay on track. Which, now that I’m thinking about it, I need to give the attorneys a call to follow up with a few questions I had during our last meeting. I think I’ll go an take care of that right now. 9 months ago

Fell behind posting these to the site. I’ll have to do better moving forward. This entry is from September 20.

I was going through a few notes for a short story a while ago, and I came up with this weird, ridiculous and possibly disastrous idea of writing a book online. I don’t mean, start a blog and write about the book writing process, I mean actually write something and post it online for people to read. Sounds nuts right? I mean, I’m setting myself up for all sorts of legal headaches. But the more I think about it, the more I actually think I want to do it. Only problem, is I’m not sure of exactly what I would write a story about.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have literally dozens, possibly hundreds of scrap notes and ideas that I could use to write this story, but they’re all so good to me, that I don’t want to risk potentially ruining a good thing. I don’t know, I’ll give it some thought over the weekend and make a decision by this coming Sunday. But in the meantime, I want to talk about a few of the ideas I have in mind.

One of which is about a woman named Miranda. She’s in her mid to late twenties, and is struggling with addiction and a whole host of problems; emotionally, mentally, physically. And the story is about how she goes from rock bottom to stardom, in a sense. She doesn’t become a celebrity or anything, but as the story goes, she does reclaim parts of her life back.

Another idea is one I’ve labeled as “Nomad”. It’s not post-apocalyptic, the story takes place in modern times, and believe it or not, it’s about a politician that is being forced to deal with his past. Can’t tell you what that past is, because then I’ll be giving away the story. But I think you can probably infer a little about the story, from the title. Or then again, maybe not.

Another is a murder mystery that was written years ago. I must have been 13 or 14 when I wrote this thing, but it’s a short story, that I believe with enough effort and creativity, I can make a full length piece of fiction out of it. I don’t know, I’ll have to go back and re-read some of the notes, but this one is probably going to take an awful lot of time to get started, since there is so little to work with. Well, I mean, I have tons of notes and ideas about the story, but nothing is even remotely close to being put together. So I would have to work on some background for the story, as to not bore people to death.

I could go on and on with this but I think those are enough to chew on for now. But I will say that there is one idea that I’ve been REALLY dying to work with. And I don’t want to reveal much about this idea because I’m afraid I’ll jinx it or something. But I will say this, I’ve been working on it for about 5 years now. Actually, it’s how I passed the time after my brother’s death. I would write this story. Actually there are two that I spent a lot of time on, but we won’t get into the second one, only this one for now.

For starters, it’s called VDX. I have an actual name for the story, but VDX will suffice for now. (Am I annoying you with my secrecy? It’s not intentional, in case you’re wondering.) But VDX does take place in a post-apocalyptic world, but it picks up years, after the event. I’m talking 300 or so years later. It’s about one character, VDX, that’s trying to get his life back. (Okay, that bit of secrecy was intentional.) Actually, I don’t even think I can cal this a story, per say. There’s no end to it, and its written pretty much like a mini-series, of sorts. To give you an idea, of how much content I have on this, I’ve designated this story its own external harddrive because I have so many files, images video and sound bites. The images, audio and video files won’t be used explicitly within the story themselves. I’m not trying to be sued for copyright infringement, but I saved them as inspiration. To help me give proper descriptions of settings, events, and characters. You know how you have an image in mind, and can’t really explain what it is you see, but if you were to see it, you’d recognize it instantly? That’s pretty much how this story is for me. I couldn’t describe a lot of it, so I went and created my own visual aids, so to speak.

Truth be told, I probably will be proceeding with this idea. Confession: I purchased a domain and hosting for it a week ago, but I’ve been hesitant to get anything started. I’m torture myself, and I’m not even sure why. Actually, I know very well why I’m hesitant to proceed. I’m afraid it’ll be a success. I’m not saying it will be mega blockbuster, movie adaptation successful, but I am afraid people will respond to it with great enthusiasm and interest. Which isn’t a bad thing by any means, however, I’m not so sure I want the celebrity status that would be attached with that. I’ve never had any desire to be famous, with my face plastered all over the media every time I post a tweet, and to be honest, I don’t see how anyone wants that. I enjoy my privacy, being able to go out and live my life without the media circus and hoopla. I’ve seen how people react when they spot celebrities, and I would not want that every time I need to go grocery shopping or take my kids to see the re-release of whatever mainstream children’s move would be out at the time.

I sound like I’m bitching. No, I being ridiculous is more like it. I’m worrying about something that probably won’t ever happen, and instead of living courageously as I’ve said I would in one of my goals, I’m wuss-ing out. Big time! So yea,
I am going to do it. Write a story online I mean. And whatever happens, happens. Let the chips fall where they may, or however that expression goes… 9 months ago

Fell behind posting these to the site. I’ll have to do better moving forward. This entry is from September 19.

Yesterday morning, I stopped by a corner convince store on my way home from the gym to grab a Powerade. The gym was out of my flavor of choice, so I made a pit stop on the way home to grab one. I bought the Powerade and feeling a bit lucky from the morning before, I purchased a lottery ticket. Just a single $1 scratch-off – nothing with a lot of potential to propel me into eternal financial bliss – just something fun to do. The good side, the ticket was a winner. The bad, it was only for $2. I wasn’t bummed, just simply said “cool” to myself, then used the $2 prize to purchase 2 more $1 scratch-offs.

I haven’t scratched them yet, they’re still in my go bag in the car. But after leaving the store, a few of the patrons had mixed feelings about my choice to redeem two tickets. One lady suggested I should have kept the $2 because it may come in handy someday, while an older gentleman suggested it was bad luck to walk away from the counter without scratching off a ticket, I laughed and said I’d be alright.

But on the way home, I really got to thinking about the lottery and different people’s perceptions, beliefs and superstitions about chances of winning, fate and bad lotto mojo. The first thing that crossed my mind was the fact that the female patron in the store viewed my decision as wasteful. Honestly, I don’t care, I don’t allow other people’s opinions to sway my decision making, but in all honesty, how much can $2 possibly change my life? Yes, given enough time we can come up with a ton of hypothetical situations where $2 will save my life, but let’s be honest. How many people can actually say $2, 2, one dollar bills, changed their lives for the better? $200 maybe, but definitely not $2.

The second thing, was that I’ve met a number of different people that swear there is a formula to winning the lottery – scratch-off or not. I’ve heard some people say that there is a formula for the number drawings to win the Mega Millions and Powerball lotteries. I’m not sure how it works, but I’ve had people show me different mathematical formulas to predict the winning numbers – one I remember distinctly is form a co-worker a few years back. He suggested if you add the numbers of the current drawing, to the numbers of the drawing a year ago, and divide by 2, you will have the possible winning numbers for the drawing on the same day, 30 days later. Basically saying if you add the Powerball numbers from September 19, 2012 to the numbers on September 19, 2011. then divide those numbers by 2, and you will have possible winning numbers for the drawing October 19, 2012. Interesting theory, but the Powerball, not Mega Millions hold drawings on the same dates. Drawings are held the same days of the week, but they do not correspond to specific dates on the calendar. But, this guy swears by it. Of course, you have to wonder, if any of these “systems” are valid, why haven’t any of these people hit the jackpot yet?

Another thing that puzzles me about the lottery is how some people will spend 30, 40 even 50 dollars on tickets. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gone into a convince store to pay for gas and maybe grab a water or something, and there is someone in the line buying dozens of scratch off tickets. I’m not judging, I just don’t understand. I do know, there are many people that see the lottery as a refuge. A light of possible hope to obtaining a financial respite, or even complete financial independence. The economy sucks right now, and for a lot of people a single dollar holds the promise of a better life – and really, it’s easy to see why. Now, I’m not condoning or advocating that everyone go and buy lottery tickets by the dozens, but I am saying, I can understand, to some extent, why people do it. And other times it might be for pure fun and giggles. I myself have done it before. I once bought $20 worth of scratch offs, and won a total of $5, lol. Needless to say, it’s not something I would repeat. At least not often, but I’m sure if I had the extra money, was bored enough and felt lucky enough, I probably would do it again. Maybe even buy more.

But despite all of the seemingly “understandable” reasons, one plays the lottery, there is a more darker reason. Addiction.

Some people are addicted to gambling and risk taking. Again, I don’t understand it, and you would think, It should be relatively easy for someone to stop throwing away all their money, but it’s not. It consumes them. Drug and alcohol addiction are more understood I think because an external substance is involved. Your body actually becomes dependent on something for whatever reason – be it emotional, mental, psychologically or whatever. But gambling addiction, even video game addiction, may seem far fetched because there is no “external element” or foreign substance that alters the body and mindset. But the addiction itself is what alters the mindset. For whatever reason, some people have this compulsive urge to gamble away their money. These are the people I feel bad for, because addiction doesn’t only affect the person, it destroys families.

I’ve had friends end marriages and cut ties with relatives because of varying forms of addiction, including gambling, and it just rips the families apart. They want to help, but after so many years of the emotional and mental anguish that comes with dealing with someone with an addiction problem, will burn people out, and a number of my friends have left husbands, wives, even cut ties with siblings because of varying forms of addiction. I can’t imagine having to go through that, and I’m grateful I’ve never had to.

Just some of the things that crossed my mind on my way home from the gym this morning…. 9 months ago

Fell behind posting these to the site. I’ll have to do better moving forward. This entry is from September 18.

I received an email from a fellow 43Things member today, that's been making me think an awful lot about the goals and content I post to the website. (Quick side note: Sometimes I think I mention 43Things too often and worry that some of my followers may be getting bored, possibly even annoyed with hearing about my experiences on the site.) Moving on....

So this individual, who we’ll name Gina, was thanking me for the inspiration I’ve given her to pursue her own goals on the site with more passion. I wish Gina would have granted me permission to post her actual email here, but she’s made it clear she doesn’t want that. So I will respect her wishes. She admitted that she’s been feeling unmotivated lately, and that she rarely visits the site anymore, but after reading a few of my entries, she says that she was inspired that I am pushing to accomplish my goals. She wishes she had the same amount of drive, but often feels her contributions to the site are trivial compared to the goals and accomplishments of others.

First off, I don’t believe anyone should consider their goals trivial, inadequate, superficial, or anything of the like. Everyone is their own person, and we each have our own lives to live. Comparing our own merits to those of others is pointless. It’s true, there will always be someone smarter, faster, stronger, better looking, richer, and have better ideas than our own. No one is the best at everything all of the time. Where you may think you’re weak, someone else may see something in you that marks strength.

Though Gina doesn’t think she’s much of an achiever, I beg to differ. If she were a quitter, she would have left 43Things a long time ago. The mere fact that she continues to visit and use the site, even if it is sporadically, says to me, she hasn’t completely given up. That she still has hope, and that a small part of her believes she has something to offer, whether it’s to herself or others. She’s frustrated because she can’t seem to put a finger on exactly what that something is, and that’s okay. I’ve been there before myself.

A little over 2 years ago, I found myself wanting to change, wanting to get better. I wanted to use my life, my resources, my energy to inspire other people, to do for other people, to live a life of selflessness and compassion. My only problem was, I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was I wanted to do that would be of any use or importance. Looking at my past I didn’t see anything I could use to pursue this newfound passion, and for a while, I considered giving up. But the more I thought about giving up, the more time I spent trying to figure out exactly what it was I could do. I would sometimes write the words “What, how and what means?” over and over as if somehow my mind would automatically conjure up some obscure idea that would eventually lead me to an answer. Then, one day, while cleaning out my storage unit, I began reading some of my old journals, and that, as they say, was that.

When I think of Gina, I think of myself in a way. I didn’t know exactly what I could do, but I knew there had to be something, because of the passion and desire I felt burning inside of me.

I know Gina doesn’t want to quit, no matter how many times shes said so in her emails. She can’t quit, because her will won’t allow her to. And neither will I. Not sure how, but I’m going to help her figure out exactly what it is she’s trying to piece together. One way I can do this, is to continue posting to 43Things, since my entries are a source of inspiration for her. But I will admit, I wish I could do more. I wish I could do something to help her directly, instead of indirectly/passively.

Truth be told, I feel rather in adequate sometimes. As if I’m not doing enough to help more people. Which is a little ironic, because that’s the same line of thinking that lead me down that dark road in my early 20s, and that is definitely not something I wish to repeat. So for now, I guess my best choice is to post as I normally do, and hope someday, Gina finds her answers.

To be honest, I can’t help but wonder if this is some kind of test. As if the fates want to see whether or not I’ll repeat the same mistakes. It’s a silly notion when I think about it rationally. If there are cosmic and divine powers at work in our universe, why would they care whether I repeat past mistakes. That would infer that I am of some importance to them, which I honestly don’t believe I am. You know, I’ve never thought of myself as anyone special, save for that stint when I had a full on God complex, but before all of that.

Even now, I do not think there is anything about myself that no one else is capable of accomplishing or duplicating. We all have a story to tell, and though some of our stories may never become international best sellers, that doesn’t mean someone, someone will view it with adoration, admiration and awe. I mean, just think about it. I’ve touched a handful of people just by sharing things on this website, and I’m sure a great many of you reading this post have too. After all, that’s why we’re all here, am I right? To help one another change, improve and grow in their personal, professional and social lives?

I know I’ve said 3 days ago that these posts would have a more specific tone to them, but this one is all over the place, lol. But that’s fine. I’m hoping someone, somewhere reads it, and takes something away from it, even if it’s only a smile. 9 months ago

I forgot to bring my flash drive with me today. I will have to upload my post from today later on, when I’m back home. Here is the post I failed to upload yesterday. I have GOT to do better about posting updates on time!!

Not only was who I was going to market my services to, important. But how, and through what means? I’ll admit, I wasn’t very good at building websites back then, but then again, a lot of the people I would be hoping to attract as potential clients, didn’t have very well put together website’s themselves, so my lackluster, novice skills wouldn’t be that noticeably. Or so I had hoped. Didn’t work out that way.

I remember the first website I did for a client. She was selling handmade linens – towels, wash cloths, sheets – and wanted to put up a website to show case her products. I met her through a friend of a co-worker, by the way. I can barely type this, for laughing right now, but I wish I had pictures of this website, it was so horrible, but I’ll try to paint a picture for you.

For one, the background was this hideous, bright orange color. Why and for what reason I chose orange is beyond me, but I thought it would work. The font was comic sans or something similar to it. You know, the one that’s commonly featured on children’s themed websites and television shows, with the crooked letters and crayon-esque typeface. The images of her products didn’t line up at all. Not with one another, nor with the product descriptions, prices, and other elements of the page like the sidebar, navigation bar, and footer.

The logo was a shabby rendition of her site’s name, “Belle’s Beauties”, using Microsoft Paint, by typing in the name, expanding it with Paint’s stretch features and filling in each letter with a different color of the rainbow.

The order links didn’t work. The email form wasn’t accessible. The menu links in the nav bar only lead to blank 404 and error pages. And for some strange reason, whenever you would scroll the page, all of the products would scroll along with the rest of the content. Needless to say, my first website was a total failure, and a disaster of epic proportions.

To be honest I’m a little embarrassed that I’m even sharing this – not to mention the fact that I can’t stop laughing. But despite the calamity that was my first master piece, my client wasn’t too upset. She laughed at first, and asked if it was a joke. I reassured her it wasn’t, but she continued to laugh anyway.

For a while, I sat there, stewing in my own embarrassment as this client laughed her ass off at my my work. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh with her or if I should sit there quietly and do nothing. I can still hear her snort filled laughter in my ear as my sordid work stared back at me from the computer screen. In a way, it reminded me of Quasimodo’s face, because it was so lop-sided. Quasimodo is the hunchback of Notre Dame if you didn’t know.

Once her laughter came to a stop, she asked what I was going to do about her website. After all, she still had the free one page site she was using. I think it was free through Yahoo!, or some similar service. Not sure which. I wasn’t sure what to do, or tell her for that matter, so I said the first thing that came to mind. I told her some of the HTML didn’t copy over correctly when I copied the site from my computer, but I would have it fixed within the week. She agreed, and as I left her apartment I swore to myself that I was going to figure out what in the hell went wrong with my design.

I made an ass out of myself. My first website was a disaster, and thankfully, the only good thing to come of the situation was that my client was willing to give me a pass and a reprieve. I drove home in silence, thinking of what I could do to improve my web design skills. If I couldn’t design a simple website, how was I going to design anything more robust and challenging? I wasn’t about to go down as a one hit wonder – actually, it would have been a no hit wonder, seeing as how my first “hit” was really a miss.

When I got home, I sat at the computer for hours – literally – studying different websites of people and businesses specializing in crafts, linens and bedding. I created a spreadsheet using Excel and made notations of everything from color schemes, to image placement, font size and style, logo placement and design, the framework, everything. I then ranked each site giving it a 1, 5 or a 10 rating. 1 being hate it, and 10 being loved it. I must have looked at close to 100 websites that evening, and after I was done, I started noticing the similarities in the sites of each rank and noticed what they had in common, where they differed, and why they weren’t as great of a design – in my opinion – to the sites I had given marks of 10.

I noticed the sites labeled a 10 used fewer colors, and stuck with a very minimalistic design. The backgrounds were white, logos were either text with little styling, and the fonts were rigid, and pronounced. No fancy typeface or lettering. Links were presented in linear fashion, not bulleted lists, and each area of the site was given a specific placement within the overall theme.

Analyzing these sites made it easy to see exactly why my website was such a failure. There were principles I failed to utilize such as tables and order lists. Elements that would have given my site form and a sense of a solid structure. My links didn’t work because I had not closed the tags to make the links functional.

Over the next several days, I spent nearly all of my free time giving Belle’s Beauties the treatment it deserved. I was nervous about the finished product, but when I showed it to my client, this time there was no laughter, only an “Oh, wow.” I tried to hold back my smiles but couldn’t. “Do you like it?” I asked. Trying to appear overly confident in my skills, knowing full well I was scare sh*tless up until 5 seconds ago. She loved the site. Though we did make a few changes to suit her needs, she was pleased overall. I had done it. I had made my first website a success and retained a happy client. I learned my first real lesson in business that day.

There is no such thing as a shortcut. 9 months ago

Sometimes the life we want isn’t the life that’s meant to be. But just because life doesn’t play out as we’ve wanted it to, doesn’t mean it won’t be a life worth living. ~ Feb 28 ~

I posted this to my blog back in February this year. It was one of many daily affirmations posted to my Facebook page of lessons learned and experiences had in life. This one is particularly significant because it’s one of the many things I’ve struggled with in my early 20s.

After graduating from high school, I spent the following summer making plans for the rest of my life. I didn’t work, I didn’t hang out with friends, in fact, I spent the summer with an Aunt and Uncle watching my younger cousins because they didn’t have the money to enroll all three of them in summer programs or camps, so I volunteered my services. Besides, it would allow me to be somewhere away from friends and distractions so I could focus on what I called, the ‘Rogue Agenda’.

I won’t go into a lot of detail about it, but Rogue Agenda was an aggressive plan to achieve financial independence by the time I was 33, which including having a stellar credit rating, several bank accounts and assets valued at 3 times whatever my annual expenses were, and a nest egg/emergency fund of no less than $500,000. It was a bold plan, and though it did appear as far fetched as seeing a Unicorn in the wild, I believed it was possible.

So I spent my summer researching and studying different ways to make this dream a reality. One thing was for certain, I wasn’t going to get there working a 9-to-5 job everyday until my 33rd birthday. I mean, I couldn’t have, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to spend my life working for anyone other than myself. I wanted to be my own boss, make my own rules, call my on shots. I wanted complete autonomy over my life, that I wouldn’t need anyone, for anything. Prideful and arrogant? Very much so. But let’s be honest, almost everyone has bold and daring plans at that age. You’re young, full of passion and zeal. You feel you can take on the world, though not many of us know what the world is really like. We have an idea, maybe even caught a rare glimpse, but very few 18 year olds can say they’ve seen the true ugliness of the world. I sure as hell couldn’t.

At the end of the summer, the Rogue Agenda was completely drafted, and the only thing left to do at this point was to execute. The first task on my list was to get a job, specifically something that involved customer service because a part of the Agenda involved starting and managing a small business. I figured the best way to learn how to run a business would be to take a job dealing with customer service because then I would learn the ins and outs of dealing with people from a customer and client perspective. At the time I wasn’t sure what sort of business I wanted to manage, but I knew that whatever it was, customer service would play a major role in it’s success.

I took a job at a major retail department store, starting out on the remodel./setup crew. It wasn’t ideally what I had in mind when I applied for a job, but it got me in the door. Besides, I could always transfer to a different department later on. Which I did, after about 2 months I was moved to the Lay-away department, which was perfect. This was more my speed for a number of reasons. For one, it gave me the opportunity to interact directly with the customers and refine my customer service skills, which I will admit at that point, were severely lacking –virtually nonresistant.

After about 4 months, I felt I had learned enough to start my own business, but I had absolutely no idea of what I wanted to, which bothered me to no end because I had been out of high school for nearly a year at this point, and I was no closer to completing the Rogue Agenda than I was the day I walked across the stage to claim my diploma. I became frustrated, angry and disappointed all at once. 8 months out of the gate and I was already a failure, and if I could fail this easily, and so soon, then I stood no chance of fulfilling my goal. Was I being too hard on myself? Absolutely. But, it was because I was so hard on myself, was I able to find a solution.

It was early March, and I found myself browsing the web looking for work-from-home opportunities. Didn’t find much of anything I was remotely interested in doing, but I did notice one thing. Just about every one of these sites either used the same web layout and design, or they were particularly hideous. The fact that some of these websites looked so shoddy and cheap was the main reason I opted not to solicit any information from them. They didn’t appear genuine, trustworthy and certainly not professional. I’m pretty sure some of these programs were of legitimate businesses, but their web pages said otherwise. And that’s when I knew what business I wanted to start. I would design websites, because after all, how hard could it be? Well it wasn’t simple, I can tell you that, but it wasn’t particularly difficult for me either.

Doing a quick search for ‘make websites’ I discovered I would have to learn a varying amount of computer languages to make really sophisticated websites, but for the time being, learning HTML would suffice as it was the most basic (at the time) of all web and computer languages. I spent weeks learning the different elements, rules and restrictions of HTML and before long I was ready to make my first website, but then came my next two hurdles: How to get it on the web, and who would I market my services to? 9 months ago

I’ve been experimenting with a number of ideas this month to help me write better, write more often and improve my grammar. So far I’ve come up with a number of ideas, but I thought this one would be truly beneficial because I’m publicly holding myself accountable for something, as opposed to subconsciously telling myself to get it done.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this or not via 43Things, but every morning, and sometimes in the evenings, I spend 15-20 minutes doing a free hand writing exercise. I’ll write about whatever comes to mind at the time. Often times they usually turn into brainstorming sessions as most of the time (I would say about 90%) my freehand writing turns into planning for an idea or event. I don’t mind, but it’s not the type of “writing” i had in mind when i started these exercises. But I feel as though this current goal via 43Things will do that.

Also, instead of writing about whatever thoughts creep into my mind, I’m going to focus on a particular topic or theme. I don’t want to just write more, I also want to be able to write at length on a particular topic, which is essential if I am ever to become better at blogging, I think. Also, I will commit to this goal for 30 days, to see how things go.

I will be publishing the first post later today.

Wish me luck! 9 months ago