I’ve had a love-hate relationship with outdoor clothes drying lines for as long as I can remember.

As a ‘city-girl’, I want the brand-spankin’new wonder-dryer that does everything including hang or fold the clothes:) Spending time doing laundry sucks. Spending extra time hanging up laundry outside really sucks!!! And, my vanity says, an outdoor clothes line looks ‘poor’, ‘country’, not part of a sophisticated image. I have no idea where I got such notions from, but I do got them. (Hell, what I actually want is someone to lovingly Do the laundry and then have it appear fresh and wonder-ful in my closet and drawers:))

As an ‘eco-chic’, I can’t let myself away with that. Spending the time to hang laundry to air-dry outside instead of spending electricity – when it is Not necessary is not in keeping with my conscious-living lifestyle. (Boo. I wish it was)

We bought a brand-spankin’ new washer, and dryer – The most energy efficient we could find. (Got the same ‘No Interest – don’t pay for a year’ Home Depot deal as we did for building supplies last year [scary]. They sat in the boxes for the last month waiting for a cotch (Jamaican = make-shift) space. Now they are hooked up!!!

In a moment of environmental do-the-right thing (before my lazy-ass, image-conscious foolishness could talk me out of it), I also bought an outdoor drying apparatus. The outdoor ‘twirley’ (I dunno what its called) dryer thingy is installed in the back yard.

About an hour ago, despite all the tantrums and denial and excuses … that I have been trying to use to make it okay with myself to use the dryer – in the dead of summer!!! (duh) – in the middle of the day when electricity is The most expensive (duh) – on a perfectly warm and sunny day (duh) ... I hung clothes on the outdoor drying twirley for the very first time!

Score one for eco-chic!:)))))))) 22 months ago

I wanted to lie. Well … I didn’t actually Want to lie, I just didn’t want to tell the truth. I didn’t want to hear / see the disappointment coming at me from the one who I’d let down – especially since 98+% of the time I keep my word, to the letter. I’m proud of that about me and I really relish the sense of trust and safety that I get from people who come to know this about me.

The truth was that my own life and concerns and issues and stress and overwhelm had derailed my good intentions. But the person would never know that. I could just make up credible sounding excuses and ride on the faith of my previous behaviour to save face.

I am sorry to admit that I actually struggled with facing the person with the reality of my failure for a couple of days. Fortunately, and to my credit, just as I was about to write the lying, excuse-filled, bull-dodo email – I picked up the phone and spilled the real beans:)))

It turned out that I did actually benefit from the ‘good’ currency of my previous behaviour. The person was understanding, verbally appreciative of my Not having made excuses:) and was even sympathetic to my woes of the time.

Whew! Good for me:) 22 months ago

The other day, I made myself proud by sticking with good money habits – in spite of wanting to cave at least a dozen times.

Almost a year ago, we got a ‘Don’t Pay for 1 year’ Home Depot credit card, specifically with the understanding between the cowboy and I, that we’d put the money aside. That way we’d have it to pay the whole thing off – Before it came due.

By the time we stopped working on the reno project, last JL, we’d accumulated $6724.12 (credit card debt) in supplies. Putting aside $6800.00 was pretty tough. And as we continued the plan of making a life on 2 sides of the country expenses piled high. The madness of the general stress and the added money worries threatened to overwhelm our sound intentions over and over. It seemed like every day something else was eating a whole in our pockets … a virtual financial blood-letting.

As the one year deadline approached (JN 24/11) we counted our money. Down. We counted our savings. Down. Then counted our income. Down. And, counted our expenses. Up. (B-r-e-a-t-h-e) Need confirmation on the decision to pay it off or take on the credit? asked my inner voice. An easy calculation of the accumulative interest which would become payable on the anniversary date totalled – $1800.00 in just the interest!!! OMG! ... for Just one year!

So the little crazy part of ourselves that wanted to keep the $6800.00 in savings got the needed shock to make us get into the car, immediately, and drive the money to Home Depot.

As we sat there counting out what we owed, a little crowd of staff gathered to watch us take the triumph (over our little selves) photo. We took the picture to keep ourselves convinced, (when we have to dine on Ramen noodles) that we did the right thing. 1 year ago

... for now it’ll work.

So here’s the thing – I act from my best/highest self all the time. Well not All the time, a whole lot of the time. It is, however, Always my MO. Even when I’m not coming at life from soul, I want to. Sometimes, I’m caught in the littleness of me, or fears, or intolerances, or anger, or greed, or weaknesses or … all sorts of less than wonder-full false realities, worldly crapola, stages of growth …

And here’s the other thing – I seem, too much of the time, to remember clearly and in great detail, the parts of me that I’d like to evolve beyond. But when it comes to patting-myself-on-the-back, I don’t recall enough of my brilliant, shining moments. That’s what his goal is about. Me, being more mind-full, paying more attention to the better, the grown, the impressive parts of me, more often. I want, somehow, to make the wording of the goal more quantitative (I think). That way I can, one day, tick-it-off.

For today, it is enough that I have finally verbalized it to myself and written it here.

(Earlier today, I did something quite amazing (to myself). It reminded me that I wanted to set the goal to mark my ‘great’ moments. I’m short on time now. Hopefully, I’ll get back here tomorrow (TU MA 31/11) to write it up, 1 year ago