This one is first because I think my body is in a desperate need of my self-love and self-care. My physical needs have always been the first ones I have neglected when I have procrastinated too much: sleep, exercise, time to eat have always been very easy for me to skip, just to get things done my usual last-minute way. That is why I am starting with this in the first place, because nourishing myself has been the last thing I have had time for for a very long time.
Start: I put this one here, because if I have to be honest, when looking back I see myself as a procrastinator. I still didn’t put this on my 43 list because I don’t want to focus on procrastination too much (it has a counter effect somehow), however the truth is the truth. I am not sure what the deeper reasons for this have been, however, I have found out that I have a tendency to be afraid of things and think they are way more complicated than what they actually are and then I always regret not starting them earlier because I always enjoy them once I actually get around to do them. Even writing the mission statement was such a fog in the beginning and now I am enjoying doing it (don’t need the timer any more), and, yes, surprisingly, I did come up with one in the end.
Complete: this one is here because I sometimes have a tendency to not completely finish things even when I have struggled greatly to begin them and have finally begun them. I somehow tend to leave a thing or two unfinished, unpolished, not quite yet done, which I think I subconsciously do in order to torture myself. Sometimes I will work for days on a paper and then do the references really crappy – silly things like that, which I want to end.
So far I have found the flylady way to be a great way for me to actually get started with things and do them. The most valuable tool has been then 15 minute rule and also the idea of making lists of simple steps that I can follow almost without thinking.
I hope that if I do manage to always start and complete things I will be able to do the next three guilt-free.
Bond: – by this one I mean nourishing all my personal, professional and family relationships. I do crave relationships and socializing, which I have achieved in a very egoistic and artificial way so far. I do want to have true friendships and I think that the way to do that is to be a better friend myself, to try to understand others instead of use them and actually care about them.
Create: – the creative side of me has been lying dormant for a long time and I am glad I took a break of 5 months in which it finally had space to come out. I am happy to have found this long lost part of me and I am making friends with it. I have had incredible experiences doing scrap booking and graphic design and other artistic experiments and I think much of my previous internal suffering will be removed now that I have opened those channels for self-expression.
Enjoy: – I do want to enjoy everything I do. This word is here because I do want to take pleasure in all I do. I believe that enjoying things is a choice. For example, I don’t think tasks are enjoyable and boring, rather I can choose to enjoy everything I want. I want to remind myself more often of this.
Share: I have always been one who wants to share things: be it food, thoughts, money, efforts or energy. The thing is because I have neglected myself, procrastinated, broken down relationships I have often found that I don’t have the energy or time to share anything, and, even worse, nobody who actually needs my sharing. I do hope that this will change as I proceed in my journey. 5 years ago