maintain balance

I’m having a difficult finding a balance in my life.

My balance has been so completely off for at least three months. I mean WAY off. But, I’m on the right track now. I’ve lost a lot of weight, but not necessarily the good way! I haven’t been eating properly or taking my vitamins. But, I have cooked homemade meals and I’ve been eating lots of fruit and veggies over the last two days. No sodas. Despite my lack of balance, I never did give in and eat meat, which is good, but I also haven’t paid attention to the protein that I’ve been getting. I know I haven’t been getting enough. I am bruising like crazy. Every paddling trip I go on leaves me black and blue! I’ve also started riding my bike to work this week. And I’ve been riding home for lunch to let the dogs out, so that’s even more exercise.

Balance, here I come!

I feel like my balance is actually sliding out of control. I’ve had some dark days. I’ve maintained a good diet (no meat, lots of veggies and fruits, no soda) and am still trying to get some exercise (sans running-injured ankle). BUT, I’ve been smoking. There I said it. Not regularly, but I feel like I’m losing control of the situation. I have a final on Thursday that I am completely unprepared for, I am still dealing with a move and to top it off, a pretty recent break-up. I seem to pick up the habit around the holidays anyway. I know it’s bad and therefore my self esteem suffers a blow as well. When I was running regularly I could actually feel how bad smoking is for me. But, I don’t have that and so I have been smoking more (mainly on the weekends, but I actually bought a pack tonight—Tuesday!!). I really hate to admit this, but there you have it. Argh. Be gentle…......

I do feel like I’ve been maintaining balance lately. I think this is in mainly due to the exercise that I have been getting. I’m starting to learn that my overall happiness is really tied to my body and how I feel. I’m certainly not ready to check this off my list though!
I’m still:
-not eating meat
-getting lots of fruits and veggies into my diet
-not drinking diet soda (water and tea)
-getting exercise at least three times a week
-biking or walking to work

I don’t currently have a television and have been without one for two months now. I think this has helped me too. I’m not one of those “kill your television” types. I love movies and documentaries and all that jazz. But I have found that I am a far more productive person without a t.v. in the house, so I’m going to hold off for as long as it feels right to not have one.

I think my next step in maintaining balance is connecting with myself on a more “emotional” level for the lack of a better term. I’m pretty spiritually void. Which isn’t really that problematic for me. But, I think I should attempt to connect with myself more. We’ll see….

O.k. I’ve really paid attention to maintaining my balance lately and I have found that I run into the same problem every month…......yes, yes, I’m going to talk PMS. Sorry…..

It seems that PMS really throws me off track and I’m not sure what to do about it. For at least a week, I have an insatiable appetite. I crave carbs. Any kind, but especially the bad, refined kind. I mean, I even lust after saltine crackers—which I normally don’t allow myself. Isn’t that ridiculous! It’s not just chocolate and ice cream. It’s pasta and crackers and the list goes on and on! In addition to this, I get a nasty headache for a couple of days and a sore throat. I can live through those two things, but the cravings are killing me, softly.

Here’s an example of how I fall apart each month:
Last night I started to get cravings. I gave in and went to get ice cream. After this, the cravings intensified and I ended up loading up on sea salt crackers with hummus (could I get any more carbs in that snack??). An episode like this will cause me to feel bad about myself and I’ll start to beat myself up. Which causes me to eat more bad stuff. Which causes me to beat myself up. This vicious cycle goes on for at least four days. After it’s over, I try to get back on track. I’ve been consistently losing weight for a couple of months. But, my weight certainly starts to fluctuate wildly during these episodes. If I could get a handle on the cravings, I’d be a lot better off!!
Does anyone have suggestions?

I’ve been doing pretty well lately—I’ve been pretty proactive in most areas of my life and that’s given me a great sense of peace and accomplishment.
Things I feel good about:
I have been riding my bike to work everyday for over 2 months.
I’ve been eating a mostly vegetarian diet (with the exception of eating fish occasionally) for over a month.
I gave up diet soda over a month ago and switched to tea.
I have been getting some exercise (mainly walking—I need some strength training, yoga, and cardio-I’m working on it!).
I started forcing myself to remember some of my mom’s wonderful traits as opposed to focusing on her illness and death (this has really helped).

I just hope I can keep all of this up. I have a tendency to find balance for brief periods of time. The trickiest thing for me to do is maintain balance. I have some pretty stressful events coming up, so I hope I can make it!