How I did it: I had to accept the fact that I am not enchained to my employer to start with. A few conversations with my mother and my partner helped quite a bit.
I went through few tears, and tantrums but finally understood what it was all about: My life and what I want to do with it!
I am here to work, yes. I am also here to do my best within the time set by my contract of employment.
When I can avoid working overtime, I shall.
Also look at ways not to get abused. I am not using my personal cellphone for business. If they want me to use a cellphone, they provide me with one. So if they call me on my day off on my personal cellphone, I have the option not to answer! Read how I did it… 8 months ago
How I did it: A very good question! Some combination of
- suffered a very great deal from over-committing at work - losing relationships, marriage, family, home, community because of the impact of my pre-occupation
- running on into big impacts on my self-esteem, self-confidence, mental and physical health...
I HAD to change!
There were lots of previous crises - loss of partner, job, house, etc, but November 2011 was probably a final turning point of some kind, with a very difficult work situation which was strongly influenced by my tendency to try to do to much with too little help.
I was VERY fortunate to have colleagues who found me a different opportunity and a different team to work with that I have been able to step into a 9-5 role within and not feel that people think I'm letting them down in any way because I'm doing a 'normal' day.
In fact, people seem very pleased with the contribution that I'm making.
Safety at last! Read how I did it… 12 months ago
• a guy who chooses to be happy, putting the past behind him except when some amends need making or it’s appropriate to celebrate a special anniversary or memory.
- a guy who get satisfaction from being a professional at work, focussing on delivering good, valuable change in ways that reduce the risks to acceptable levels.
- a guy (aspirational!) who lives simply and healthily, not sinking time into possessions that don’t give back to people
- a guy with strong relationships with family and friends who he cares for and gives to, starting with a partner who he shares a deep, trusting bond and common values & vision, and rippling out from there to others…
- a guy who DID work out that he was thrilled by playing music, brought down to earth by the great outdoors, proud and thrilled by competence on the water and at sea, and as a leader of change, and made time to be good at and enjoy these things, sharing them with others 15 months ago
2002 – 44: risk-taking, going for the high, hoping to hell it would all work out – at work, with children, with new partner, new home, new friends, new city, new everything
1992 – 34: Stoic, diligent, grateful for occasional pleasures
1982 – 24: Naive, hopeful, all the confusion of 2 kids about to arrive 3 weeks early in 5 weeks time, wife in hospital, youthful determination to ‘do the right thing’
1972 – 14: diligent, isolated teenager full of curiosity but few ways to pursue it. About to date the future mother of my children.
1962 – 4: blue-eyed apple of his mothers eye. Knew no-one else in the village other than my cousins over the road. 15 months ago
...as reported in the Guardian yesterday, from a book by an Australian palliative nurse who has asked this question of many people in the last days of life:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. (This came from every man)
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Full article by the author here15 months ago
One week to go on the current client engagement, which means that in less than a month I’ll be in the deep end on a new challenge. I need to sit and reflect on how I’m going to manage my time when starting that new role.
- adding that onto the jobs list for my 2 weeks peace and quiet starting 30th Jan. 16 months ago
I was home at 18:05 today.
As far as I can recall, last week I left work at about
- MON: Not later than 17:00
- TUE: 17:30, then went to SLAA meeting
- WED: 17:00 and went for drinks with colleagues from the customer’s team, then went and met my recent ‘date’ for an honest chat
- THU: 17:30, then went home instead of a christmas ball, because inwas drained after a v stressful & turbulent day. Had a great evening pampering myself by making liver, onions & beans and chilling…
- FRI: 18:00 to meet my date for a sociable, no-drama, no-addiction evening. Success. :-)
Oh, and while doing all that, achieved a major work milestone of getting the client’s agreement to a totally different way of delivering the service that I’m managing for them.
YAY!!! :-) 17 months ago
...I just keep getting “Oops, something didn’t work there” or something like that… 17 months ago
There is SO much conflict and confusion going on at work that I am just ending each day numb and over-whelmed, and unable to walk out and take the steps I need to be taking to create a life if my own in this place.
Just sat and had tea, read a book then cane to bed at 21:00 last night because I couldn’t raise myself out of the gloom to do anything else.
All if which is putting me back into sexual obsession as an exit route from feeling rubbish. Bah!! 17 months ago
Work IS an addiction for me. It’s good and healthy in it’s place. I would have no security without it and I get a lot of genuine satisfaction and reward from it.
I am much more than that though, and u can only become that by actively displacing the work with other good things. I made progress with that this last 3 days
• finally booked a doctor’s appt tomorrow (making me late for work) to get pain killers and anti-inflammatories for my sciatia
• found a jazz choir that rehearses immediately after work on a Wednesday. Forcing me OUT of work an INTO new creative friendships. :-)
• made plans for sorting the boat out for the winter.
• booked tickets to see Sharon Shannon, a truly great Irish musician that I have always loved.
• lots of bills paid
• precedent set with Sunday Roast provided to family yesterday
Not too bad. 19 months ago
I’m slowly getting a team mobilised at work that means I’ll be able to work more normal hours myself without the project I’m running ending up off track. In the meantime I’m feeling very frustrated about how much of a dead end my personal and social life has ended up in – this week’s thoughts on that here.21 months ago
Since returning to work full time at Christmas I’ve allowed myself to consume more and more of my week with work, and i’ve given myself very little time for anything that personally matters to me.
I HAVE achieved several things that matter to me through doing this:
1) secure income
2) tenant income
3) boat nearer home
4) mass performance
5) professional pride
6) more daughter engagement
But at the core, I have not been living MY life. I’ve not even been thinking about what that would mean, let alone doing it.
One by-product is that a lot of sexual feelings swirl round, and there’s no healthy exit for them so they bottle up into role play & dressing.
A second by-product us that a lot of financial and other admin is getting seriously overdue again, which is costing me money and generally making me feel bad.
For lots of reasons this all adds up to a need to get on and find my own place again where I can feel that I’m living my own life and got space and time on my own in peace and quiet where I can work out what “living MY life” means. 23 months ago