work all 12 steps

There were some intense thunderstorms here yesterday and as a result the power went out and stayed out at the warehouse last night. The end result is that we’re off work today and I’m going to take the opportunity to write some today and hopefully, as with the jury duty, I’ll make some proper progress on my step. :)

I tried a new meeting last night. I want to give myself credit for going! I liked that it was small and pleasant, but I’ll continue to try new meetings until I find one where I think my future sponsor might show up.

was a good opportunity to make some progress on writing on my fourth step. I was able to write on about 5 or 6 more questions. I should say I did this while waiting to be called, not while I was actually hearing a case.

procrastinating on this. It’s painful to look at myself and recognize that there are a lot of things that I need to change. I get it done though.

I have one meeting a week that I go to regularly. I want to find one or two more that I really like, and hopefully I will find a sponsor there eventually. I bought a new daily reader (couldn’t find the one I already have!). Now to make a habit of reading it (maybe on the bus and at lunch). Maybe I can make a program call at lunch about the reading. I need to reach out.

I still have some amends to do for my 9th step, but I have started on my 10th step. At the end of each day I have to write out what I did well, what I could have done better, and my fears for the day. It is hard to look at my life so closely everyday, but it is really helpful as well.

I have really let this one go. I’m so out of touch with my program, ever since I hurt my leg last summer and couldn’t get to meetings. I just never fully reconnected. I do have one meeting I like that I go to most weeks, but that’s it – no stepwork, reading, calls, etc. I have lost touch with my sponsor and my sponsee. In fact my sponsor ‘broke up with’ me the other day (took another sponsee and doesn’t have time for two). I’m okay with that since I was going to take a friend’s suggestion to look for a sponsor with HP. But I also realized I should let my sopnsee go officially. I’m not in a place to be a helpful sponsor, and it’s time I admitted it. She probably already has a new sponsor, but I should officially let he know where I am so it’s not a mystery. And I really do want to start stepwork again. I need this program!

I am on my ninth step, where I have to make amends to those I hurt. This is a hard step in many aspects. For one, I have to go back through my past and apologize to people I have not talked to in years. I am dreading having to find them and come out of the blue.

I am also finding thinking about making amends to my ex is bringing up new resentments regarding our relationship. It is hard to deal with resentments while also considering the wrongs on my part. I just need to keep my side of the street clean and let go of the other stuff.

I’m on my second round of the 12 steps and right now finishing up my 4th step for the second time. This is a time of purification for me…a time to not frick around. You know what I mean…

-Peace

This week I am working on writing out the 9th step amends I need to make. Some of them are intimidating, because I have to contact people I have not talked to in over 4 years and apologize for past behavior. It should be good for me!

I have also been working really hard to create a social support network. I have a hard time reaching out, but I have been making a huge effort. This past weekend I played poker with a bunch of people, and it was awesome. Life is getting better and better!