just drifted off at 11:55pm
Mary Elizabeth Borchers Clark
February 19,1933 – May 1, 2012 12 months ago
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just drifted off at 11:55pm
Mary Elizabeth Borchers Clark
February 19,1933 – May 1, 2012 12 months ago
February 10, 1933 on a Sunday morning the bells at St. Mary’s Catholic Church on West High Street in Springfield Ohio were late being rung. My Grandfather was the bell ringer and he had to run across the street to ring the bells for each mass. On this day he was late and got chewed out by the priest. My Grandfather’s reason for being late was that his 6th child had just been born. Mary Elizabeth . . . my Mom!!! Happy 79th birthday Mom!!! 15 months ago
She was having a great deal of difficulty breathing and she was crying because she didn’t feel good.
I went over to the home she is living at and we talked and decided to call the hospice nurse on duty. She came over within 30 minutes and assessed by Mom and confered with the doctor.
They transerred her to their facility and kept her for a few days. Today she got moved back to her room. She is much better. I was freaking out because I am supposed to leave for New Orleans tomorrow morning with Mr. HC. I wasn’t sure I should go.
Everything is good now. I will be back in time for her 79th Birthday . . . big celebration!!! 15 months ago
I was always under the impression that when Hospice came in, you were at death’s door. Evidently I was not quite correct in this assumption. Hospice Care is however utilized for the “terminally ill” patient which I have come to grips with. My Mother is terminally ill. She is not going to get better, but she can be comfortable and she can stay out of the hospital which she really wants. It’s funny, she used to like going to the hospital. She thought the food was so excellent (she has an odd palate in my opinion) and she liked the attention she got. She has changed her mind about the hospital now. She no longer wants to be there. She still doesn’t call where she is living “home”, but she says she wants to stay in her room with her things.
I have taken the necessary steps to get her signed up with Hospice. It will actually be easier on both of us. Hospice has nurses and doctors on call 24/7. I met the nurse on Thursday that comes to the house where she is living now. She comes on a regular basis (like three times a week) for three other people in the house. Mom would be #4. She will make sure Mom is getting weighed regularly (imporant to monitor her weight due to the CHF) Their doctors will take over her regular doctor appointments and they will arrange for necessary blood draws. This means I don’t have to take off work every week to get her to doctor appointments and blood draws and whatever else the doctors keep ordering. At the end of these appointments she is exhausted and frankly I am exhausted, mostly from the stress. Everytime I take her out I am stressed because I am afraid she will fall or get sick. I am very tense and as a result, we are both wasted at the end of the day. We haven’t done anything fun together in ages, because we are just so fucused on getting through these appointments.
If she has hospice care, I know she is being monitored way more closely than before and I know that if she gets into trouble, hospice is called right away and they will assess the situation and either treat her there at the house or take her to their facility, unless of course it is a situation where she needs to go to emergency, they will make that call. After I talked with them, I talked with my Mom and she was surprisingly agreeable with the while thing. I thought she would balk because she would not be seing her regular doctors anymore. She didn’t seem to care, she said she just wanted to feel better.
I don’t know that she is going to feel better, but she can feel more comfortable. I told the intake worker that maybe a good goal, to work towards was for us to be able to go out and have high tea rather than for us to go out and have doctor appointments all day. Having High Tea at the Biltmore would be way more pleasant than anything we’ve been doing. She felt this was a good goal to work towards.
There is lots more as I work my way through all of this, but for right now, I think I am headed in the right direction. She is not going to get better, but she can be comfortable hopefully have some good outings in the near future. 16 months ago
Mom is being released from the hospital today. Hopefully they will have changed her meds up a little to try and keep this from happening again anytime too soon.
Not really encouraged though. I know that her kidneys are functioning at 28-30% max. She was told yesterday (or she told me, I will have to verify) that her heart is functioning at about 45%. She had a quadruple by-pass in April 1999. This is a concern. I need to find out more. 16 months ago
Just as I was leaving the house for work today, I got a call that my Mom was on the way to the hospital via ambulance. She woke up not being able to breathe. She is in the hospital again, oxygen, IV lasix and catheter.
Shit . . . 16 months ago
There is this cake that my has been in my Mother’s family for as long as I can remember. It is a Chocolate Cake with a really yummy caramel icing and rich as all get out!!! My Grandmother made it and taught her daughters to make it.
I was trying to spend some time with my Mom today, just one on one time before Christmas so I asked her to teach me how to make the cake. I actually sort of already knew how, but she was excited “To teach me” so today I went and got her and brought her home wih me and we made the cake. She taught me how, passed on the knowledge from her Mother to Me. It was nice.
What was not nice was she kept trying to get me and then Luna Girl to go and buy her some potato chips. It was very irritating and I reminded her that she was on an extremely low sodium diet. She said the made salt free potato chips. She wanted us to get her the Salt and Pepper Flavor potato chips. So then, they made salt free salt and pepper flavor do they?
I refused to get them and so did Luna Girl, but she laid the “I’m dying anyway what does it matter anyway” dialogue on me.
sigh . . . 17 months ago
I was pretty surprised as she is still not really great (although she says she is) They added 5 more daily medications to her already pretty extensive list of daily meds. She is now taking 27 different meds each day. I just know she is happy to be back in her own room with her own things and looking forward to Christmas Brunch at my house. Not sure how long she will stay out of the hospital . . .
It’s true what they say, getting old is not for wimps or something like that. 17 months ago
I took her a Poinsettia and a pair of Christmas Socks and sat with her for maybe 4+/- hours today. She is still having a good deal of fluid around her heart and lungs. Her kidneys are just not functioning properly. She is still getting IV Lasix
and is pretty weak.
She told me today that she thought this was “the beginning of the end”. I asked her what she meant exctly and she said she had been thinking a lot about how it was when my Dad got sick and how after a while he was in the hospital every month. She said “I am there”. I reminded her that she had not been in the hospital every month, that she was not is the hospital last month. She thought about it and said she guessed I was right, but still . . . “she feels she is there”. I reminded her that she said she was going to live to be 84 and she told me that she doesn’t think that she will now.
I don’t think that she believes she is going to die extremely soon (as in this week) as she was giving me very precise instructons as to what I was going to serve for Christmas Brunch. 17 months ago
It seems that her heart and kidneys are not “working well together” I am not sure what this means. Everyone is so vague about it when i try to ask. Maybe they don’t know either.
I am especially bothered about this as my Father’s death weighs heavy on my mind this time of year. He passed away on December 25, 1984. He had pneumonia and was admitted to the hospital a couple weeks before Christmas. The doctor said he would be home for Christmas. He was not.
My Mom has over the past 27 years always said to us “You never know, this may be my last Christmas.” She usually said it when she was trying to get us to do something that we didn’t want to do. This year it may well be true. I am worried. 17 months ago
She has congestive heart failure. I know what congestive heart failure means, I just don’t know what it means for my Mom. We have an appointment with the Cardiologist tomorrow afternoon. I have so many questions. 18 months ago
The arrangements I have made for her may go out the window. Everything was going well . . .until last week.
To cut to the chase, I was told that she couldn’t breathe when she lay down so she had been sleeping sitting in her chair. I took her to the doctor. He sent her to her cardiologist who admitted her to the hospital, She had congestive heart failure primarily caused by her minimally functional kidneys, but her heart may be a lot weaker than they originally thought.
Lots of tests . . . waiting to see the end result. This stinks. 18 months ago
I was packing (still) when they came for the final walk-through. It is a couple in their 30’s with two small little girls. My Mom was estatic that a young family was going to live in “her house” again.
I think she kind of needed to know that. She seemed at peace with it all when I told her. 20 months ago
She is killing me with her daily phone calls of did I check this place and did I check that cupboard etc. I have moved a few times in my life, so I understand how to clean up and pack and clear out, but she insists on calling me every single day, sometimes more than once a day about such things. She woke me up this morning with “did I check the upper cabinets”
Thursday, the house cleaners are going to give it a final cleaning and I will take her there after they are done. I think that is the only way she is going to be satisfied that I have done a good job. 20 months ago
My Mom is still telling me what to do with everything. I finally just told her that the house was empty now. (It’s not, but I want her to stop twisting on everything) I think she wants me to take her by the house one more time before it is gone. I am not sure if that is a good idea or not. She hasn’t flat out said she wants to go, but she has dropped a hint to that effect here and there.
She keeps asking me about the people who are buying the house. Do they like the plantation shutters . . . do they like the yard blah blah blah? She seems amazed that I haven’t met them and haven’t sat and chatted endlessly with them.
I need to think about what to do . . . take her or not take her. 20 months ago
My Mom went back to the doctor and got to get rid of “the boot” She now just has an ankle support thingy that laces up and has velcro. She is able to wear her shoe again. We went to lunch after and she is feeling pretty happy about things. She asked for what I believe (hope) is the last round of stuff from her house.
I think she is ready for the house to be sold. It actually is being sold (and is under contract), I’m just saying that she is making peace with it and she is ready. (I think) 20 months ago
the sale of the house is still scheduled to close September 16. I am meeting with a woman who has a booth at The Brass Armadillo on Friday afternoon to look at some of my Mom’s “stuff” I think she will be interested in some of the things and that will make less for me to pack up in the next few weeks.
Making progress . . . slowly, but progress is progress.
The woman who used to take communion to her at her house brought her communion on Tuesday. They talked for a while and my Mom was happy. Where she is now is also much closer to the communion woman as well.
All is good. 21 months ago
We have big wind storms here in the summer time. Sometimes acompanied by lighting and thunder and rain. This past week we had several storms and one of them knocked out the power at the care home and OMG . . . it knocked out the cable!!!
When the power came back on, the cable did not. One of the cable lines had been damaged and they actually had to call the cable company to come out and repair the line before the ladies had cable again. (Might as well have just killed them all . . . things couldn’t have been worse!)
So my Mom tells me about Theo who is a 102 year young resident. Theo is the boss of the remote in the living room btw! Theo kept clicking the remote . . . pointing and clicking over and over. The TV would not give her the shows they needed. Then she started passing around the remote to all the other ladies . . . you try . . . O.K. then you try . . . now you try . . .
Theo would not accept the fact that there was no T.V until the cable guy got there.
My Mom thought this was way funny and related the story to me. What I got out of it is that my Mom is starting to feel part of the group and is feeling more at home. I am relieved.
Also, Theo got her cable back . . . 21 months ago
For the past several weeks, I have been bringing her lunch from Long John Silver on Friday because she still wants fish on Friday (I hate that place, however, she loves it)
This morning, I was sitting around in a ball of stupidity, not even realizing what day it was. I have been sick all week with some kind of flu action and just not feeling on top of my game. I had just finished cutting up vegetables and I was sitting in my office chair actually sweating and she called.
The caretaker had come in and asked if I was bringing lunch today as it was Friday and my Mom called to “confirm” that I was bringing her Long John silver.
So a ritual is born. I wiped my brow and brought her a fish sandwich and a diet pepsi. 21 months ago
I am meeting with the realtor today at 2:30. He has received an offer on my Mom’s house already. Full price offer, conventional loan, 20% down, close of escrow sometime in the middle of September (my daughter’s apartment isn’t ready until September 1 so this works) I am meeting with him today at 2:30 to review the contract.
HOT DAMN!!! 21 months ago
My Mom had a doctors appointment today. I picked her up and took her to the appointment. She gets to start walking on her leg now (no more wheel chair required) but has to keep the “boot” on. So now she is walking with her walker and has an orthopedic boot on her foot still. She was happy to be out of the wheel chair, but disappointed to still have the boot. I put her wheel chair in her closet and took out the walker. Her room suddenly got larger with the absense of the wheel chair which she thought “felt good”
After the appointment we went to Denny’s for lunch. Not my favorite place, but she has been jonesin’ for country fried steak so she was happy. After that, we went to get her a hair cut and to get her eyebrows waxed. She felt like a new woman. She didn’t really obsess about the fact that her house is on the market. She pointed out that this was the first time in a month that she had gotten to leave the house and she was happy. She mentioned that if I could take her to lunch every other week or so, she could be perfectly happy.
I think she is adjusting!!! 21 months ago
I brought my Mom her Long John Silver Fish combo meal thingy. While she was munching away I casually mentioned that I had met with the realtor and that her house would be on the market next week.
She seemed to take it pretty well. I guess crappy fish takes the edge off . . . for her anyway!!! LOL
I actually think that she is starting to interact with the other residents a little bit. That is a good sign and makes me feel much better about things. I told her that I know it must seem to her that I am being heartless at times in the decisions that I have made, but that I need to just keep looking forward and not get wrapped up in my emotions or I would not get done the things I have to get done. She seemed to understand. 22 months ago
Signed all the papers
Got keys made for the lock box
Need to straighten up the house on Sunday
Guys from his office come to take photos on Monday
MLS listing goes online Tuesday
I hope this puppy sells fast. He is optimistic. I need to gently break the news to my Mom over the weekend that her house is officially on the market. I know it will break her heart, but this is what has to happen so that I have enough money to make sure she has everything she needs and that she is safe. 22 months ago
which now frees me up to put my Mom’s house on the market. I have absolutely no emotional bond to that house, so for me this will be easy. For her it is going to be hard.
I am neeting with a realtor that I really like on Thursday and we will go over the property and get it on the market.
I am readying myself for the onslaught of emotion that will erupt from my Mom. I understand her feelings, but I need to do this. 22 months ago
on Fridays. (the Fish on Friday is a Catholic thing, although it is now O.K. for her to eat meat on Friday, she still only wants to eat fish) So as a treat today I stopped by Long John Silver and got her a fish sandwich combo and took it to her for lunch. Mom was pretty happy. I stayed for a couple hours (and hung those damn pictures) and visted with her. I can do this on a regular basis and I think it will make her happy. 22 months ago
over some of her pictures and hang them on the wall in the Care Home where she is now living.
In a previous entry I wrote about how she had a fit over my suggestion that I bring over some of her art work to hang in the common areas. That if I did this, she could enjoy her things in other areas of the house and not just her room and that she could share them with the other ladies too. After thinking it over for quite a while, she finaly decided that this was a good idea.
So, today I brought several pictures from her house and hung them in the living room and dining room areas. I wheeled her out so she could “help” me hang them. Oh boy . . . everyone got into the act.
That one is too high . . . too low . . . too much to the left . . . too much to the right. I was up and down and up and down on that ladder so much that I actually broke a sweat in an air conditioned house. A gaggle of old ladies sure can wear a hippiechick down; however, I think it was the most excitement they’ve had there is a while.
The ladies are all enjoying the pictures. I’m in need of a nap right about now. 22 months ago
no inordinate number of phone calls etc. I think Mom is settling in nicely. 22 months ago
to get her new cell phone number. She had spoken to my Mom the other day, but Mom didn’t know what her phone number was to give to her friends. (Of course I had written it down for her, but oh whatever . . .)
So Lyda called me today to ask for Mom’s phone number and I gave it to her. She told me that when she was talking to my Mom, that Mom said she was really liking her room and liking this place. Lyda told me that I had done the right thing. I appreciated hearing that from her. Lyda lives way on the east valley far from us and doesn’t drive very much anymore. I told them both that when Mom is no longer in the wheel chair and back with only her walker, I would take her over to the east valley where Lyda lives and we will all go out to lunch together. They were both excited and that will give my Mom something else to look forward too and maybe help her focus on her physical therapy 22 months ago