The appointment went pretty well. The man was actually really nice, I felt comfortable with him and even made a few sarky jokes, I did all of the talking when I expected my mum to talk most. He even said ‘bullshit’ and I always appreciate a health professional swearing, as I tend to use quite strong words when emotional, and then feel embarrassed, apologize, and worry I offended them. My ‘homework’ is to write a list of things that I like about myself, however small and trivial. I don’t see him again until around April, after he has spoken to a psychologist about any possible teatments for me. He said something about a huge hole in the system thanks to the government, patients that are… too good? too bad? I can’t remember – for Linden treatment, but not bad enough for IAPT talking services. I’m worried I will fall into that hole and be alone, which would, frankly, be a joke. 22 months ago
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My appointment to see the psychiatrist has been moved forward to tomorrow. I’m nervous, I don’t know what I’m going to say, what they might ask me, how they will treat me. I’m worried I won’t like my doctor, that I won’t get on with my care co-ordinator. I’m going to wear a top with a big smiley face on it, because it’s ironic. 22 months ago
It took weeks, no, months, but finally I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist on 27th January. I don’t know what they can do for me, I don’t have much faith in the NHS. But I’m determined to get as much professional help as I can, and really ACCEPT it. Everything they can offer me, do it. No running away this time. 23 months ago
I won’t get into it, but I have been to hell and back over the last month, which is why I have been silent on 43Things. My anxiety has reached an all-time high and I’ve suffered the consequences. Maybe I was trying to do too much all at once, all on my own. I have been referred for some kind of help, but 4 weeks later I’m still waiting to hear from them. I knew I needed help even before all this, but now I cannot cope. I am afraid to get back to my normal life, in case it triggers it again. I know I need to get things back to normal eventually, but I’m delaying it. Obviously I was doing something wrong. Was it my 43Things goals? Was it Moodgym? Was it the self-esteem course, Pick the Brain, Moodjuice? The frustrating forum? Or a combination? Was I overloading myself with pressure? How can I help myself, how can I get better, how can I try, if this is what happens to me? I need help real bad. I need guidance. I might ring the center myself to see what’s going on… they cannot turn me away if I have been reffered three times over the last four weeks.
Things aren’t back to normal yet… I don’t know if I’ll be around on 43Things much. At least until I get everything finally, completely sorted out. I don’t know how long it will take =[. I miss everybody on 43Things and I’m sorry I haven’t been around to give back all the cheers I see I’ve still been getting in my absence, thank you =]. I’d love to look at this time of my life as a turning point, the universe giving me the nudge I need, the right direction. I don’t know if I can believe that, but, if I can use this situation to my advantage, maybe, just maybe, I can come out fresh and new the other side. Grown.
x 2 years ago
Moodjuice reminded me of another site that I have tried about twice in the past but gave up on both times because I got stuck. I did a search for ‘online CBT’ and found it – Moodgym. I’ve spent most of the afternoon doing the exercises, and I’ve gotten a lot further than I previously had. It’s getting more difficult with each module, but hopefully it’ll be worth it. The true challenge is putting it into practice when I am not using the site. 2 years ago
Well, last week was terrible. I have been… recovering for the last week. I’ve been to the doctors three times this week. I’ve had enough. I had another look at Rethink’s website, and noticed their advice line, or advice email. I thought what the hell, I’m desperate here. I sent them an email last night. Today I recieved their reply. Most of it, as I expected, was stuff I already knew or tried. But they mentioned a site called FearFighter, and a site called MoodJuice. I’ve been to Moodjuice lots of times in the past, but never really got into it, I guess. Fearfighter seems to be something you need a GP refferal for <.< I have totally given up on refferals. But maybe this time I could really give Moodjuice a try. 2 years ago
I won’t get into it today, but this goal is not going so good. I hope I can get better and improve this….. 2 years ago
Two days ago I had a panic attack. It came on very sudden. My parents reacted badly… ‘What can we do? What are we supposed to do? Just calm down. There is no problem here.’ I felt very alone. It makes me feel crazy. And like a burden, a nuisance. My parents got used to my BDD years ago, but it took time, and they started out angry, unable to understand. I guess now they have something else to get used to.
I’ve had general anxiety for around 3-4 years now, but I didn’t really suffer from severe panic attacks until around the time of Christmas ‘09 when I was underweight (lack of appetite) and had the flu, and collapsed on Christmas Eve and was taken to hospital, where I stayed for 24 hours. After I came out, I was in a very, very bad place. I had huge health anxiety. I was having panic attacks, I was an insomniac. And the help I was getting just seemed to make me even worse. Eventually after 3 or 4 months, I was given Mirtazapine for depression, and my appetite and weight went right up. I got better. Things seemed easier. The worst was over. I’m still on those meds, they are a godsend. I hadn’t had a panic attack since April 2010… Until two days ago. I don’t understand it… My anxiety has been higher than usual the past couple of weeks, for reasons unknown to me. Maybe I’m ‘facing reality’ now? I felt like I was back in Feb 2010 during my panic attack… which lasted over two hours. I would sooner be 15 years old again, suffering BDD and depression and a wish to die… then be 19/20 again and suffering health scares, scared to die. It was the worst time of my life… and that says something.
Yesterday I saw a GP… not my usual because he isn’t there on Fridays. I saw his son. He gave me Diazapam, and I’m to see him again on Wednesday. Today I feel… OK. Not great, but OK. But my anxiety seems to kick in around evening, five, six o clock. I’m hoping my Diazapam tablet (2mg) will make sure I’m OK. 2 years ago
I have Generalized Anxiety and get nervous and panicky every day at seemingly nothing. I want to teach myself to relax, calm down and chill out, and tell myself everything will be OK. I’ve read some tips including stopping to listen to the sounds around me without thought or judgement, and imagining a peaceful place. I haven’t come up with a place to go to in my head just yet, but I’m thinking maybe a swing under a huge clear sky and some birds. I’m describing my childhood there, the swing I used to have in our back garden… perhaps that’s too sentimental and escaping to my past. Maybe I should create somewhere new instead of somewhere that once was a long time ago. Stopping to see the beauty around me is another way and I believe it works because I do feel calmer when I admire a delicate peice of jewellery (my passion) or flowers. Maybe I’ll arrange some flowers in my room and try some aroma therapy. 2 years ago