Songs I sing to my cat

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AbsnasmSadly, I no longer have a cat to sing songs to.

Askit has been losing weight for a while, and more recently started weeing and pooing where he’s not supposed to – on the bed, on the sofa. I thought it was stress from missing HA – they were very close – and from being left alone while I was at work or staying at the cat-allergic GG’s. So last Tuesday I took him to the vet to see if there was anything I could do to soothe him. Perhaps Feliway, or a cat behaviourist.

But she was concerned with his weight loss and took blood tests. That evening she called me to say that his kidneys were failing, and she recommended euthenasia as soon as possible, before he got really ill.

I was in shock. I took the next afternoon off work to spend time with him. He sat on my knee and was fed bowl after bowl of milk. I took lots of photos and videos, let my friends and family know, and Skyped HA to break the news and let him say goodbye to Askit. He was, in many ways, HA’s cat.

On Thursday morning GG and I took Askit to the vet, and I held him while she put him to sleep, painlessly and gently. I cried my eyes out, as did GG. In many ways it felt wrong, because he didn’t really seem ill at all, just old and creaky, but I know that he would have soon been in pain – kidney failure is a horrible way to go. But once his little heart had stopped beating, he suddenly looked better, more healthy and kittenish than he has in a long time. I know I did the right thing.

I feel quite numb, to be honest. It hasn’t sunk in at all. The flat seems much stiller and quieter than I expected it to be – he was only 2.7kg at his death but his personality took up a lot of room, more room than I thought. I keep forgetting that he’s gone, and doing the things you do when you have a cat, like making sure certain doors are shut or open, or that food is covered to protect it from curious and spiny tongues.

I haven’t really cried much since we left the vet. I’ve been cracking black jokes about it because I don’t know how else to handle it. I’ve been exhausted and in bed all weekend, which I guess is my brain processing it. I wish I could just catch up and feel the grief instead of this emptiness. I know it’ll come. I miss him a lot.

This is the last photo ever taken of him, just minutes before he was put to sleep. You can see just how frail he looked, and kind of disgusting, but still utterly lovable with his beautiful green eyes.

RIP Askit, you lazy, loving, noisy, stinky, tough old pirate cat. I hope you and your brother Baloo are frolicking together now in fields of celestial catnip. 18 months ago


Absnasm 2 years ago


AbsnasmOhhhhh, he's here again....

..the cat with the food on his face.2 years ago


AbsnasmTo the tune of "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon

So this is Askit

And what have you done?

You’ve stunk out the kitchen

With the smell from your gums 2 years ago


AbsnasmTo the tune of "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles

Close your eyes, give me your paw, Askit

I can smell your breath stinking, don’t miaow any more

Do you feel no shame? You never stop eating

Or is this kitty an infernal pain?2 years ago


bethiebVoodoo comes running

I sing “Bicycle Built for Two” to my kitty. I substitute “Voosy” for “Daisy” and “woosy” for “crazy”. I don’t know when I started singing to her, but she’s 11 and I’ve done it for at least 10 years. Whenever I can’t find her, I sing this song and she comes running. She also helps me sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” during Astros games. She meows (most times) when I do the strikes. 2 years ago


bethieb 2 years ago


AbsnasmTo the tune of "My Brother Jake" by Free.

My Askit cat

You are a kitty cat and you used to be fat.

I am only adding about one in ten of the songs I sing to the poor wee fella. I really should try harder to make a complete dick of myself. 2 years ago


AbsnasmTo the tune of the song from the Mos Eisley Cantina from Star Wars.

Askit, Askit, Askit cat, have you eaten your dinner?

Askit, Askit, Askit cat, have you eaten your food?

Askit, Askit, Askit cat, have you eaten your dinner?

Askit, Askit, did you eat your food?

Here’s the music. This version’s from Family Guy. You probably know it already.2 years ago


AbsnasmTo the tune of Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO (they play it at Zumba, OK? otherwise I wouldn't know it).

Askit cat is in the house tonight

Everybody just have a good miaow

His miaows will make you lose your mind

Everybody just have a good miaow2 years ago


AbsnasmFor a change, here's a song sung by a cat to humans.

Courtesy of Ti, via The Other Website.

Be careful, this made me laugh so much I hurt.

I’m A Stupid Cat.

It’s quite sweary, just so you know. 2 years ago


AbsnasmTo the tune of "Hey! Hey! We're the Monkees!"

Here he comes

Stinking up the place

You get the smelliest niffs from

His decaying face

Hey hey, it’s Askit!

And people say he’s handsome and proud

But he’s really annoying

And he smells and he’s loud

It should be noted that although a lot of the songs that I sing to Askit are about him smelling and being disgusting, this is actually true. He has stomatitis, a really horrible gum and mouth disease which means that he has the worse breath known to man – the smell actually hovers around his whole body – and he can’t wash properly because it hurts his mouth so without regular combing (and sometimes with) his fur goes all dreadlocky. He has medication which takes the edge off but it basically won’t ever go away now.

It should also be noted that I love him a lot and since he doesn’t understand English he can’t understand what I’m singing anyway, therefore it’s not bullying, nor even light-hearted banter. So nur. 2 years ago


AbsnasmTo my utter shame...

..to the “tune” of Scatman John...

He’s the catman.Miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaowMiaow miaow miaow miaow miaowMiaow miaow miaow miaow miaow miaowMiaow miaow miaow miaow miaow

Etc. 2 years ago


AbsnasmI am always singing to my cat.

Usually it’s an improvisation based on a song that already exists, with new cat-specific words. I thought I might document them here. For fun, and also to gauge just how mentally ill I am.

Song I’ve just sung to him, to the tune of “My Old Man’s a Dustman”.

My old cat’s a kitty,

He’s got a kitty face,

He’s got a kitty body

And I think he is ace.

He wasn’t that impressed. He went “meh”. 2 years ago


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