- Watching Community
- Playing some video games, so some more achievements done.
- I have to call my pension people because I locked my account by forgetting the password.
- Meant to do a 5k tomorrow, not really ‘feeling it’ but I guess I have to.
- It should be a quiet day tomorrow as I’m making the rest of the team do the work for a change.
- I’ll work a bit on my projects, it’s not even complicated more I’m just trying to look at stuff in a new way. Essentially is a person or department appearing more often. But I want more.
- Also got my development plan for the year I need to read through and see if I have any thoughts.
- Many more things which are boring and self centered. 9 hours ago

1. Lets put J behind me – a guy I know who works with her and knows that I like her said he’d asked her yesterday morning and she said there was no one in the office she likes and she’s never mentioned me like that before. So I don’t think there’s even much hope of seeing if I grow on her or anything.
I don’t know girls really – if any women have tips then let me know.
2. I’ve got these projects at work; two of them were given to me and one or two are my own idea to report things not differently as such but actually look at the information and stuff. Then we’d use the information to try and reduce the volumes. But my managers don’t seem interested at all, so to be honest it just makes me think should I bother. They say about being proactive and ‘owning’ stuff. So I’m trying to look for areas of improvement and then just nothing. Like before I dug through a whole years worth of weekly reports so about 302,000 lines.
Anyway this is becoming longer for no reason.
3. My whole department is going out for lunch tomorrow; I said I didn’t want to go. I just don’t really feel part of the team to be honest.
4. I’ve put cash into an ISA and some into my savings account (I could have had at least say £50 more if I’d not gone out for beers).

In terms of kickstarting stuff I’ve been to the gym and did a 5k on Tuesday. 20 seconds slower than my best so 34:55 I was running at a normal pace right at the end but at 60m it felt like I may even blackout for a second (I really don’t think I would have) so I walked the rest of the way. Not good at all.
Still having T come to mind.
I think I may need to move jobs but I certainly need to make changes in everything and drive forward in things. I need to work on personal development mainly. 4 days ago

She didn’t reply. So now I feel like a dick

Maybe I should just email her saying Hey I like you heres my number, call me if you want or go round and chat with some of the guys I know and talk with her as well.
This whole thing is not because I’m trying to start something serious more just so many times I think she likes me but it doesn’t play through. I’m confused and I don’t like that.

Thats really the biggest part of me right now. I’m thinking of some work stuff but I don’t think that will work either mainly due to me either not understanding or just like not other people being dicks but more them being dicks. 5 days ago

So I sent the girl I like an email. Its the same girl I’ve mentioned before.
Anyway.
I asked her
Hey,Did you have a good time on Friday?
She replied
Yea it was good, I was revising all day Saturday so thats why I had to leave early!!
I was a bit confused. No question leading me back; so what do I say? Is she interested.
yea you did leave a bit early, I thought it was something I said :). Its cima you’re doing right?
so thats as far as it went. We did see each other at lunch but there wasn’t like smiles and stuff. But see I don’t know if thats because we’re alike in the sense of I certainly like her but I’m not grinning like a dick every time.
Probably over thinking this 6 days ago

- Starting tomorrow its going to the gym again
- Also I’m going to try and kickstart everything.
– Saving
– Tidying my room
– Getting some games done
– Learning German
– Being better at work
– This also means I have to start my career kind of thing.
-Talking to J.

Who knows what’ll happen with her – any suggestions? 1 week ago

- its always great fun when you’re quiet like I am to listen to music and feel the headphones vibrate with the concussive rhythm.
- right now I’m feeling a bit ‘off’ I don’t mean ill or hungover or whatever but just off because I had so much beer last night.
- I don’t remember if I mentioned our works strategy day thing we had on Friday, but we had a strategy day thing on Friday. So we went to the woods and just did some wood stuff. After we got back to the office and then to a bar for a drink.
So the girl I like was there – J. We kept seeming to look at each other and stuff, kept catching each others eye. I stupidly didn’t smile because she wasnt and like I didn’t want to just be grinning all the time sort of.
But she looked so gorgeous. We spoke for a minute or two. I have no idea about what as I was drinking. But who knows maybe I should speak with her more and smile and stuff.
she went home and I ended up staying out with some of the guys. But she is just :) and a gorgeous smile.
There was one other thing mainly me talking with the managers and getting on with them I know if I left them that would be it. But like one of them was saying what a good guy I am and about getting over t and stuff.
lol wish I could have J help me ;) 1 week ago

I’ll try the 2:1 again

+ I have something to do with my day as its work again tomorrow
+ The weather has been nice
- Didn’t do anything all weekend – even the idea of completing some games didn’t work.

I am honestly struggling with this 2:1 idea because even discounting the negative parts I have fewer positives.
So today I woke up late, I normally wake up at 0550 I did this morning but then thought I don’t need to get up. So I slept till well I can’t remember but it feels like I should have gotten up. Then I spent most of my day in my room; but didn’t really burn through games, or tidy or read or anything. Personally it would have been better if I was doing stuff with people, if she was around I know it’d be centred around her.
We visited my nana for a little while and she was asking if I had done anything said ‘no’ then she said about my bike. Asking why I didn’t ride it somewhere. Where? its a road bike so its not really super comfy and where? I hand on heart can’t think of somewhere to go. And I know I don’t want to go there by myself. 1 week ago

Lets try two positive points for each negative point. Also the positive can be anything the negative has to be specific.
+ I’m feeling better after my cold
+ Back to the gym each day from Tuesday
+ Started a new game; its tricky but good. Not sure I could just play it without looking online almost though.
+ I’ve made a to do list for work next week
+ The weather has been nice
+ Finished my book
+ Started a new one
+ I can’t think of another thing.

- So one week after texting her just saying hi; and to be fair saying it was me if she wanted to ignore me. She’s ignored me. I miss her.
- I’ve failed on starting to save cash
- Done nothing and spoken to no one all weekend. Laying in bed all the time is dumb.
- Basically feel rather unwanted and not fitting into anything. 2 weeks ago

- more stuff at work (I may be doing some projects for London – but it’s secret)
- I’m trying to do another little project of my own
- There’s a project for my second level boss I need to start and get done
- Still I don’t want to say carrying the team I’m not at all. but when the new guy makes a mistake – for the right reasons though – then sees something is iffy again all for the right reasons. The person showing him should a) have been training him properly and b) seen the issue right away. But it became a larger thing than it needed to be and I had to sort it in five minutes.
- someone else on the team annoying me because its not team c. I seem to find a lot of things grating probably because I jsut don’t have anything in my life to balance it. If I had a gf I’d be thinking of her and nothing else would matter.
but and I do view this a slightly unethical. My boss is annoyed at how I view myself and just doesn’t understand she said. So basically I got an email from c – we were talking about something so there was context. I sent it to her (without saying who is was obviously) to say that this is why I feel down becuase I do stuff wrong. The email said like when I try and help I mess up and just stuff like that. That 2min phone calls take ages and I confuse the person and contradict myself and stuff. THe guy who put that does know his stuff but makes everything as if it was team him©. And it does annoy me, if I knew something was an issue I’d say if not then you help as much as possible. But its just like he’ll call people all the time just to look like he’s busy and helping when you could just sort it. Plus my long calls are with people with issues and who ask me stuff so I have to explain it.
But never mind.
But yea I sent it to my boss to add context, but I wouldn’t tell her who sent it because I thought it was unethical to say. Its still iffy for me to have sent it her but. But yea all in all it does annoy me the way he is and just in general. I’m no saint so there you go.
lol I’m still getting left behind other than this reporting thing. But thats jsut doing their work for them nothing new almost. 2 weeks ago

1. I hate writing this; but its just I have no one to talk to in real life. I’m still missing t all the time and just thinking that she’s probably really happy which is what I want but I never thought it’d be because there was no me in her life.
Theres just nothing in my life for me to sort of care about – I’m not saying this as a cry for help or anything this is just how I view stuff. With her in a very cliche manner everything was better. Now I’m all alone again, honestly I’ve got no one to spend my time with to talk with. My time is going to work and coming home. Nothing else – there’s nothing online that connects me (no offense), nothing on tv no books nothing like that at all.
At work I wrote my performace review and again I was told it was too negative – not that it was wrong though.
Nothing feels like its going right; then in turn its no ones fault but mine and in turn so many other people have it so much worse than me.
all of my time is spent doing nothing; I tried to start saving money as well but my laptop is broken so basically the cash I was going to save will have to be spent on that. Mainly though its not having anything to do or anyone to do it with.
I know if we were together than I’d be going to see her or spending time with her brothers or honestly just more positive in general.
Even at home I may as well live alone time is spent in my room just laying in bed, not even the dumb stuff like games do I have people to plahy with.
Then theres this just me complaining and bitching and moaning all the time. I feel shit 2 weeks ago

I’m thinking I should just go to be honest. Not a lot is going right in just everything. From home to work to having nothing to do and no one to so it with to just anything. So I don’t
know. 3 weeks ago

- c shooting me down with my idea without even listening
- s not doing anything it seemed
- my mr11 just being wrong then s saying it was as she thought like fuck she did
- not a lot done
- awful gym
- today nothing seemed to work for me project wise :S
- doing a little bit for the auditors and having a quick chat with them
- having a quick chat with g and d
- just annoyed today, I hate just like s is doing stuff for audit and having this team meeting about the reports with the IT people. I’m not part of it.
- feel like I’ve got a cold
- i need to go to the gym tomorrow but feel rather rough
- j (the cute girl at work) looked really cute today its a shame she’s not interested in me.
- (hr)s looking nice as well (I’m really not a shallow guy just checking out girls by the way) but yea she’s nice
- I miss t
- hope v hears good news even though i’ll probably never know
- s again taking the piss and not actually helping e
- this post is getting too long and boring and I probably should go to sleep to try and be a bit better for the gym. 4 weeks ago

Well here’s a picture of my desk. Along with a picture of my new glasses.
I’m slightly annoyed by some stuff that happened today. Nothing major just little things that again feel like the person that did it should know better, and second just done the work and not made mistakes.
So today from not actually doing any reports I had to help the two people doing them. The first – the new guy honestly didn’t do anything wrong and couldn’t in my view have stopped the error. He then was told something incorrect from the other member of the team.
Second the other member of the team – from not saving the template; to not finding the correct accounting documents, to no sending out the report, to taking all day to do it.
This all meant that I had more to do when I already had enough other stuff and frankly thought this would be a nice quiet day for me.
I’m trying not to bitch and moan. I know I am which isn’t good.

I went to the gym – 5k 35mins 34secs. not good at all and I was walking at points.
Lunch made so thats one thing; no cash spent.
Gonna play some xbox now although I’m a bit tired.
Need to do some other work really. 4 weeks ago

So over the last week or so I’ve not really posted stuff. It boils down to:
- M has left the team
- My parents are still separated
- Still not spoken to my mum
= I’ve been staying late at work to try and do stuff. It feels like always I take longer and seem to make more of stuff that everyone else. So issues are bigger in my mind and I get stressed easier.
- I’ve gone to the gym a few times but not enough and not doing enough
- Saving cash was going ok but I’ve bought lunch too many times and getting takeaways due to getting home so late
- I’m still pissing people off especially when I don’t mean to
- Getting aggravated by s the other lady from my team. Its my fault I’m sure of it especially as it’s tiny things but as soon as she starts speaking to me I’m just thinking shut the fuck up. Okay lets stop and not go into this and moan and stuff.

- There will be other stuff but I cant write it all because I forget a lot all in all I’m trying but not seeming to be making progress. Sorry about being a downer as well I’m not like this if you spoke with me I guess. 1 month ago

Really miss T 1 month ago

So two times over I’ve lost what I was trying to post – nothing to do with 43T. First time I accidentally just clicked and closed the browser, second not too sure. FFS
So….
- Thinking of T
– There was a few other points going alongside this:
– York (where she’s at uni) manchester in general fits in this as well as she lives here
– Rich Hall (one of the pics I saw of her beofre we met was that she’d met him)
– Couples in general
- Another (sort of) wasted day
- Wrote my development plan for my annual review – it’s not a positive plan or review. Last time I was told off for how negative it was about my performance.
- Looked at some next steps in accountancy qualifications.
- Looked at some jobs – not applied for any though. I will need to start applying.
- I’m still yet to speak to my mum
– Did get an email from her after I sent her one. So I’m going to have to give my CV to my aunt – after my mum said she would (about three weeks ago)
– Also me going on holiday is looking rocky. I won’t have a car which is fair enough but does pose issues of getting there and then in turn being based in one place for walks.
– Although I haven’t planned anything and really although there’s still a month to go I’m not rolling in cash; probably don’t have all the equipment I may need; certainly not fit enough; also with the adverse weather this may cause more issues.
- I’ve ordered some stuff from Amazon and aat. Just CDs and like a frame for my certificate and a plaque from the aat.
- In turn I need to do some CPD now to make sure I don’t break the rules which are actually really strict for accountancy and I certainly have a habit of not doing stuff essentially.
- Now a rather serious thing – I’ve been told off again at work; with a complaint being made against me.
While I was helping on this other team they’ve had me on all week someone from my team came over. S – who is the supervisor in waiting as that’s what she wants (I’d like to be a supervisor too but I know I’m not ready), anyway I don’t particularly respect her. I feel like she doesn’t actually do work and just lots of stuff. I’m no saint I’m not saying that, and how I spoke to her was wrong too so I’m not defending that either. But it’s like she has her phone on her desk all the time and is on it all the time. She isn’t at her desk for most of the time and when she is she’s just talking. Anyway
So she came over to ask how long some process took. I was very off hand, I was doing work and it already feels like I’m not part of the team so. In my head I didn’t know why she wanted to know; I was trying to sort out a large expense claim with 50+ receipts without any marking. Plus I don’t know how long the thing took. And mainly like I’ve put it feels like I’ve been cut out a lot (due to me so no one else to blame – like me making mistakes in reports. So I was taken off them – okay. BUt then told by my boss that I essentially wasn’t pulling my weight in a team that does reports and so needed to get back to it. Next time we did a timetable I said oh I’ll do it and was going to put me down for a few and get them double checked. But this lady S said no she’d do it. So I did no reports again and then had my worked checked when I came back to it after like three weeks. Again thats okay – but they didn’t tell me until after. If my boss would have just said it would have been okay). Less excuses back to the event.
So I was off hand no doubt about that. Just saying I don’t know 15-20 minutes it was the tone and the way I was saying it. I’m sure if it was videoed and I saw it then yea I’d think I was more of a dick than I do. While I was telling her I didn’t know and yea being rude the boss of the team I was helping was sat next to me. She felt I’d been so rude and all and that S was in such a bad way that she needed to go over and check if she was okay and make a complaint about me. I feel that there is no way in the world I was that bad.
Then when I was trying to explain this no one could understand my point of view either.
Next week she’s off so I have to apologise when she’s back. There’s lots of times when I feel people are off hand with me or rude or whatever but if I ever say anything then I get told off and that it’s my fault but if I do anything then suddenly I’m the bad guy again. So on Tuesday if I’m quiet and just do m work I’ll get told off for being quiet and not chatting. Someone will ask me if I did much this weekend. The answer is no. So I’ll say that but because I don’t chat and bullshit then I’ll be branded as moody and apparently then no one wants to talk to me and I’m bringing everyone down. If I do talk then I’m told I’m not concentrating and talking too much.
The timetable next week is me doing almost everything so we’ll see how it goes.
- I’m bored of writing that – I’d actually like some thoughts on it all.
- I also got my hair cut today
- Went to the opticians as well and picked out a spare pair of glasses. So we’ll wait until that gets done.
- It does fell like not a lot is going right. But in turn it’s all my fault so it feels like no matter what I do its still wrong. 1 month ago

As most of the times when I thought about what to write word after word lay unbound in my mind. Yet once my fingers touch the keys it floats away. So.

- Helping yet again on another team; I’m almost concerned they’re going to ask me to move and then I’ll be stuck just moving paper around. Or I’ll have to say no and it’ll be awkward.
- This feels like it could become a rambling unhelpful post due to me I don’t even know to be honest. I like a girl – I don’t think she likes me. Then I think even if she does like me then I don’t think I’m really over T and she’s on my mind quite a lot. So even if J liked me I can’t help but think I’d just I don’t know. THen two people saying I should be looking for jobs. Being bored all the time – nothing to do online and I can’t go on a site I would because of T. I’m not doing anything active 1 month ago

I’ve left work early, and I’m sat in a bar with a beer right now.
In terms of J she was in our canteen with her team at lunch and walked past me and my team sort of and didn’t look at me or not that I noticed. So really its just her being friendly before. The guy I asked said she hadn’t mentioned anything about me so. I can’t talk to her just because I’m nervous and stuff, and its not like she sits somewhere I can just go past almost. But like I think she’s always been the one saying hi to me and stuff. And in the training when I thought she was looking at me and then me looking at her and her smiling.
I dislike the idea that she likes me and thinks I dont like her because I’m so cautious and not smiling at her all the time sort of stuff. If I smile at someone I tend to just seem creepy so that’s not what I want.
It’s just dumb I’m not going to be that lucky and I know that if anything it needs me to go round but I know it’d just be such an excuse. And I’d have to start by talking to someone else or something like the guy i asked and then he’d know obviously. And then more likely she’d just be all normal and I’d see how wrong I was an how dumb I was and stuff 1 month ago

- Looking at some jobs and seeing some where T is at uni made me feel sad. But there’s nothing I can do.
- E-mailed my mum to get her to actually give my CV to my aunt or tell me her email or number so I can do it.
- So I’m trying to keep my head up although my mood is…shifting.
All in all this weekend has of course again been a bust. Still the issue of fitness (whatever the level I had); not done any studying; looking at jobs; going away; saving. Stuff like that.
Really need to try harder at work – harder in actually going to the gym – harder in my German stuff and seeing how far I can get – harder with other languages – harder in saving – harder in me having no social skills – harder in a career – harder in skiing – harder in not thinking about t –
- hmmmmmm 1 month ago

- Walked out on breakfast
- My mum has consistently told me that I’m childish and you can’t have an adult conversation with me. She mentioned this being why I don’t have a girlfriend and other bits and pieces. So I walked out.
Later on she apologised – I wasn’t listening to be honest.
- Thinking about the ski trip – I can’t go as it’s just too soon and cash and stuff. However I’ll try and do the one in November.
- it sucks that I can’t go on that picture site just because of t
- when I was leaving the office our receptionist is a girl called…wait this might not work as I’ve only put J as the girl I like. Okay so J is the initial of the receptionist as well and I said bye J (being the name of the girl I like) when I meant J (being the name of the receptionist) hope that’s all clear now.
- Certainly need to get a grip on stuff again – like back to the gym for example stuff like that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9AkFYK0zQc 1 month ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=2SmtGprNqBY&feature=endscreen

- Watching the Finland v. Spain game right now.
- I just tore open (I really didn’t mean to so totally obliterate the bag) a bag of Haribo so…
- Seeing J today – she looked stunning. At lunch I thought she was ignoring me and then we were in like a training course thing after and I saw her looking at me (although I was sat in front of her and everyone else almost) she looked away real quick. Then later she saw me and smiled and sort of looked down if you know what I mean.
But I dont know she may have just smiled in the way of why is he looking at me again1 month ago

Really tired at twenty to ten, I’d want to watch The Boss or whatever it’s called at 11 but there is just no way.
I’ve been working on expenses made some mistakes which annoy me and I seem to be getting through the work too quick in the sense of all done in the morning. It’s just opening the post and logging them all and then auditing the over £500 claims.
I stroked some police horses today as well :D
Still looking at German and Finnish and Swedish. Need to look at my holiday idea in Scotland and I’ve just gotten an email about skiing so…
really not concentrating now – night 1 month ago

Someone told me I need to take more risks.
need to apply for jobs
helping on expenses the last few days – she said I’d made some mistakes. I’ll ask her tomorrow how many.
tired
need to look at holiday
need to do lots
feel quite alone
t coming to mind a lot. Then today when I was going through my work emails trying to find something I found some from her. One of the ladies deleted them for me as I had tears in my eyes. How fucked up is that.
The girl I liked at work clearly doesn’t like me so thats done with.
I got my MAAT certificate in the post today as well.
dragging people down as well which is not what I want to so, just can’t seem to get stuff right again.
Lets try again tomorrow. 2 months ago

In my hesitation I’ve lost the chance to apply for some jobs. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think I would have gotten them but I feel way more guilty not even trying.
Other than that today I’ve tidied my room – another although not totally wasted weekend and day it’s hardly the busy 25 year old life it should be. Living with my parents not actually leaving the house today.
If I keep going with this post it’ll be all not this and not that.
There’s very little positives and then who’s to blame? Boom – me so that makes me feel like a winner. Which in turn makes me feel like a cry baby.
But yea

I was thinking about people when they live somewhere new and they say about not liking it as they don’t have any friends. I’d love living somewhere new. Again Seattle comes to mind.
I don’t have friends anyway so it’d make no difference and really I’d still go out probably more.
Plus today I read an email from a person who was meant to be my friend and who I went to Berlin with. It feels like I messed all that up so. But his email asked me about my plans or thoughts on going to Norway and he said about a week long camp in the summer or something. I deleted the email.
Hmmm if anyone on here isn’t some crazy psychopathic murderer and wants to go skiing hit me up by the way. 2 months ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMkqbY0oGKQ

I’m rather tired so keep it quick. I saw a girl in the lift yesterday she may have been looking at me. Although me thinking that must mean she wasnt. Today she came into the lift again, seemed to stand quite near me.
so.
Work sucks I know. Really feel like I’m not part of the team. 2 months ago

First it sucks balls that I’m still blocked by someone and especially when I wanted to say I’m glad they’re here and all.

By the way keep Hawaii green
alohagrown.com

So at work the rest of the team have timetabled me to just do shopping carts and the inbox no reports or anything like that. I get the feeling I’m going to be in trouble with my boss next time we have a meeting. We’re really busy with it being year end. Today I found 104 invoices and printed them out for the r2r supervisor for the auditor.
The new guy took all day as in 9-5 doing a report that we normally just take say an hour. It’s not that thats wrong but the person showing him is just no good. At least I make mistakes and know it but know stuff she just doesn’t know stuff and is meant to be or wants to think of herself like deputy boss.

I’m still needed to tidy my room, apply for jobs, start saving cash and just generally everything.
Also I did send an im (we have lync) to J but she didn’t reply all day so. 2 months ago

This week I will mostly be…
Tidying and cleaning my room
Changing the bedding
Looking at what to give away
Applying for jobs (I get very nervous so always put it off – like thinking I’m just wasting the time of the person on the other end. Or I’d get an interview and they’d see I’m an idiot. Or get the job and then fail in role)
Just watching some Rachel Khoo
As well as some kiteboarding.
I need to lose a lot of weight. I was doing okay before going to the gym and all that stuff.
Going to try and think: Is it truthful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? before I do things.

Okay today I’ve done none of the things I said I would so the form is unfilled, the jobs unapplied, the room messy. Nothing done about learning but I did watch some Finnish and Swedish videos so one of each. I’ll have to do this more too. 2 months ago

For a change I’m writing this before giving any cheers, reading any comments or anything like that.
And to preface this I have been drinking with ‘the girls’.
So at work there is a girl I like called J and today she said hi to me and in a very childish girlie way I was suddenly oh she said hi Mr. J Mr. J. (I’m not sure if that will work in text) then later on she may have looked at me but I tend to read too much into things.
But there was her and I liked her as soon as I saw her before I met T. But now that I don’t work down on that side I never speak to them. So I don’t know.

But I’ve just been out drinking with the girls. One of the ladies is going off as she’s pregnant so we went out for drinks then she went home with her husband and me and the other ladies just kept drinking. So good times. But yea I need to speak with J so see if it’s just a hello type thing and theres a lady S who has started who is cute but between the two it’s J really. I didn’t know she was in today so it took me by surprise. And today has been dumb as our system was down and then they turned the phones off (didn’t tell me) so all day we had nothing to do.
But J all the way :P

Remember all my titles and pictures mean something especially if I don’t have them 2 months ago

First if anyone is near Austin please go to SXSW and you can see Lemolo and the guys from Rooster Teeth – hopefully I’ve not checked the dates it just popped into my mind.
I’m watching some college lacrosse right now.

So today I got told off for something I honestly don’t know what.
I was showing someone something – the rest of the team were talking a bit too loudly and about stuff that wasn’t work related at all. We’d gotten in trouble about this before and I could see my boss wasn’t liking it. So I just said quietly to the guy I was training that we could have fun outside of work then my boss just pulled me up on it. The look on her face and she said we’d come back to it later so I’m on the border of having some sort of disciplinary at work anyway and now it feels like because I mentioned just working at work and fun outside I get pulled up. The worst part is it was only me so before and later on she was laughing and smiling with other people on the team and all.
I have no idea what I did wrong. Honestly, and that’s what happened.
When I got home my mum told me that since I got home I’d just made everything worse and that I aggravate everyone and so it’s my fault.
As with most things and people it’s better without me being around. It is my fault but this will be why I honestly believe me just not being around would be the best thing. 2 months ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpR—MpTqn4

Things have to change, although me being how I am and all it’s not looking good. There was a massive change when T was around but it’s weak to have that as the only reason for change.
Work blows and I need to try and make it better, although in terms of experience and stuff I’m sort of painted into a corner there are jobs outside but they require knowledge and all which is very tricky to get hold of.
Tomorrow I’ll try to write a small list and a larger list. As for example I’d like to go places but work there as well to be there longer so we’ll see.
But I am a lazy fucktard so. 2 months ago