find out what a real friend is like

Thanks Tiff!

Yeah I think I lost all my chances of having a great friend this year…what a great way to start of 2006.

Well, after this weekend I know that I have just lost another so called close friend…Unless they tell me differently. You see, I dated this girl (Sarah) for over two years, and then we broke up and a month later she told me that she was getting married. So it was hard but I mean marriage? Yeah so I basically lost the best friend in the world. Anyways, I tried to move on with my life, and then I cam to college and my first year sort of sucked, and the begining of my second year sort of sucked. Well, I meant this girl and when I was with her she reminded me of compassion and happiness. I haven’t felt those for over 3 years. I felt like I “liked” her, but then again I knew in my heart that we were too similar to date. Our personalities are exactly that same, that is why it was so easy for us to hang out and talk. I asked her a couple of times if I was the type of guy she would consider dating, and she would never answer any of the questions I asked her. So she would always leave me hanging. So on friday night I was joking around about somethings with her, and then we got on the topic of relationships. I told her that I had something to say about her and why she doesn’t like to commit to a relationship, but I wasn’t going to tell her. She then said “you hate when people bring up stuff and don’t say it, tell me”. I said “you’re right, but you’ve done it to me many times”. So we sort of spat back and forth and I eventually just say what I have to say about why I think she is afraid of commitment and what not. She then tells me that our personalities are too similar for her and she wants that “spark”.

That is all I wanted her to say about a month ago. Nothing more, nothing less. Yeah it hurt when she said that because she prolonged what I knew the entire time. (you have to understand that sometimes this girl made me feel like a dumbass when I would bring the topic of a relationship up in our conversations because she never would say anything about it). So in the end, I got hurt because I knew what she was going to say, and she waited for so long to say it. And now, I think I lost another friendship over my stupid emotions. Somebody kick my in the face . :(

I feel like most of my friends in the past have been fake, and not really true to me. Yes it hurts really bad…but, I want to still move past this, and find out what a real friendship would be like :)