figure out WHY I procrastinate

This will always be a bit of an issue, but hopefully I’ve got it under control

Tonight, I decided to NOT procrastinate on this goal, and instead spent my evening doing some online research and brainstorming some ideas about why I procrastinate, and how I might change my habits. What I wrote is way too long to post here, but I did want to post something, to give an idea of the work that I did. I explored some of the fears that I think lead to my procrastination, and I came up with the following:

I think right now my problems are:

Fear that I’ll create change in my life which will lead to unhappiness and drudgery
Fear that I can’t ever really succeed at something I enjoy (related to the above)
Some underlying disrespect of my self which keeps me from creating a peaceful and supportive environment for myself and my family
Distractibility, which might be a cause in and of itself (the way I’m wired), or is perhaps a symptom of a problem, as well. I use this to avoid tackling anything which challenges me, even in a small way.

What are some things I want to develop?

Tenacity to work through my edges, including boredom.

Tenacity to stick with even the largest of projects, finding a way to work consistently, slowly and steadily, so I continue to make progress.

Continue to work on my self-esteem, so I really know that I am WORTH having a lovely, peaceful, organized home and the good health it will support.

Continue to work through emotional blocks that keep me from achieving these goals.

Open myself up to knowing that I can have a wonderful future, and that I will continue to have work which is fulfilling and important to me, work that I enjoy.

Some steps I think will be helpful?

To be mindful of the ways in which I spend my time.

To find some structures which help me make sure I do the important things each day.

I think that “dechunking” would help, too. Breaking up big jobs into smaller tasks, but more importantly, setting time limits so I am able to make progress without feeling like I have to do the ENTIRE thing right away.

I would also like to try again with a proper to-do list.

I also came across a couple of references to books that I happen to own, so I’m going to work with those suggestions. I’m going to read the chapter on Cognitive Therapy in “Feeling Good,” and also have a look at the McWilliams and McWilliams books in my library.

It does feel good to have thought about and written all this out. It’s also nice that I didn’t procrastinate too long on that 43 Things goal. ;)

I’ve considered putting “Stop Procrastinating” on my list, but it seems kind of hard to measure. And also not really giving me an idea of how to approach the problem. This does. I should be able to spend some time thinking and journaling about this, and hopefully have some insight which will help me crack this habit for once and for all.

Thanks, TheFelinePhilosopher!

Obviously when I procrastinate it means I don’t really want to do what I feel I have to do. But why? The best answer I can come up with right now is that I either dislike, or fear, what lies ahead. So I suppose the next time I procrastinate I should ask myself, “What is it that I fear or dislike?” And I suspect that fear is the more likely culprit. I also know that the longer I procrastinate the harder it is for me to actually do the task. Yes, there’s a direct correlation. The longer I avoid doing something, the less I want to do it. Hmmm. Part of it I think is that sometimes the task is too big, and if I just break it down into smaller pieces it becomes more manageable. And sometimes it works if I make the time commitment shorter. For example when I was still in school I made up the 20-minute rule. In order to get myself studying I would promise that I only had to do it for twenty minutes and then I could take a 10-minute break. It really worked! Probably because the hardest part for me was getting started. Which was probably because I didn’t really want to do it in the first place! Hmmm. Much to think about still.