ask why

If it’s not fun…..why do it?

Because you must, because you can, because you should, because you want to…..because…..?

Why were cartoons so much better in the 80’s? Or is it just me? And the music videos too. Why were they so good?

Why do I not smoke and can I learn to like it should I choose to change my mind?

not all are answered. but well im happy.

It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

The questions I have are about the same for all of us, i think. I hope.

It helped me understand that it’s better to accept myself as I am, that I should see it as a good thing to be more emotional than the average, that if I can live with it, it could be good for others, too. There’re big miseries in this world, and there’s no reason to be ashamed to cry because of them. Once I can let this go, I can really be of help.

Then, about my parents, that are a great loss, and wonder, I learnt that not everything is what it looks to be, especially when you miss so much information about what happened. That my mother was certainly a good person. That my (true) father may be, too. I understand that it’s true I feel some anger for him for his lack of reaction although he knew the truth, bu also that I feel love for him, because he seems to be a good person. The only fear I could feel is “to screw something.” So welcome to the club. It looks several of us I’ve had issues with their fathers. But i don’t limit myself to that, for this either.

I understand there’re some “connections” with some people it’s better not to explain, not in the analytical way I use. I think it’s possible to come to an understanding without using logic. Well, that logic.

I’m ready to go to the next level.

109) Why do I have the feeling if my father is still alive he’s gonna die before he reaches his next birthday?
I can be because I’m stressed about this issue. That doesn’t mean it’ll happen. I didn’t even dream about it, so, so far, we’re safe.

110) Why do I sense I will really never know him?
It’s only a feeling due to what I lived until now. I’m reversing lately.

111) Why life is more expensive and salaries don’t increase?
Because they expect to make us suck their bobs (dicks) what’s more.

112) Why should it be better to be social than to be real?

113) Why be all the same?
No reason indeed.

114) Why if I say “NO” then I’m a bitch? Cheap answer for cheap brains.

115) Why men behave like everything belonged to them on right?
Because it’s been like this for a long time. It’s changing, but women are not equal in rights, still today.

116) Why aren’t there more Nelson Mandellas?

117) Why can’t I get in touch with my father?

118) Why am I losing confidence on my skate?

119) Why can’t I see what you feel in your eyes? I think it’s because you’re even more introverted about your emotions and feelings than I am. Or do you fear rejection like me? That doesn’t mean you don’t feel anything, isn’t it?

120) Why I am afraid to take but not to give?

121) Why do I love piano?

122) Why can I think that animals deserve to survive more than us?

123) Why did they relax this recidivist pedophile knowing he had not changed at all?! (and then he raped another 6 years old boy)... Because they don’t care. Terrible statement.

124) Why aliens haven’t killed us already? Maybe they found good in us…

125) Why do you guys think you can talk to me this way?

126) Why do I need to be hugged?
Because it’s rare I’ve been. And I’m more emotional than the average I think. So my makes abig need? I can do without. But it’s not the same.

127) Why don’t I allow myself to be?
Because I’m afraid to be hurt, to suffer.

128) Why didn’t I walk to you on that last day I saw you? Because I could not believe it. Because it’s so difficult for me to believe anything good can happen to me. Because I was too shy. I haltered. Because I was just the half of myself. Why can’t I have a second chance?

129) Why do I have so many marks of beauty?
Goes with the skin. Genetics.

130) Why is there always an excuse?

131) Why do I feel I will become a writer when I have actually so little confidence?

132) Why people don’t care?

133) Why people think I have beautiful eyes, or ass (I agree, they can’t fuck my eyes :D) why can’t they think I have a beautiful heart instead?
Because it’s more difficult to reach. We’re in a society where everything goes very fast, too fast for what we humans can handle. My taste of it.

134) Why do I like Chris Carter?
Because he’s Chris Carter.

135) Why are they not already inventing another pringles taste?

136) Why unblock my memory is so long although I want to?

137) Why not give up on anything and leave with only a tent on the back?
Because in fact I care a lot, and there’re too many things holding me back. Many people actually.

138) Why do I love so much my “visitors” poster?
Because it gives me hope to believe.

139) Why am I a worrier?

140) Why am I so hard on myself?

141) Why England lost the rugby cup? (all this for that… :p)

142) Why is it Wales that’s got a fucking beautiful Millennium stadium?

143) Why do I often feel so exhausted (although apparently, I’m not sick)?
I think it’s because I waste lots of time struggling with myself, on things I shouldn’t struggle.

144) Why do I love to be a woman although all the more difficulties and pain we have to bear?

145) Why do this dog always run after his own tail? lol

146) Why is it right-handed or ambidextrous scissors?

147) Why do I need to know if you had the same problem like me because of your side choice?

148) Why do I love so much chocolate (rolleyes)?

149) Why can’t I accept myself as I am? (5 kg to lose and i’m a loser? Really out my socks)...

150) Why do I need to translate the lyrics I put here, when I know no one read them anyway?

151) Why do I love you?
Man, because you’re the real thing.

114, 119, 123, 128

Updated November, 5 : 109, 110, 111, 113, 115, 126, 127, 129, 133, 134, 137, 138, 143, 151

69) Why do I still sleep with a plush? Too many traumas? It’s a theory…

70) Why do I feel ashamed?
Because people of my age don’t sleep with a bear.I shouldn’t care. I see things, everyday, for which people should feel 10 times more ashamed than me for sleeping with a plush.

71) Why do I have problems to find sleep?

72) Why am I bad at maths? Because I haven’t worked enough!

73) Why do I often feel it’s “always” my fault?

74) Why has it been FOUR fucking months there’re constructions noise just near and in front of my house?
I don’t know, but I know it should be the end soon. Thank God.

75) Why do people go to church if it’s to behave like assholes then?

76) Why am I rude? My nature. Maybe it can be seen differently, rude for some, honest for others?

77) Why is tea so delicious? (I’ve become a piss machine)

78) Why is it so difficult to say what I feel about my mother, and about my true father?
Because it’s very difficult for me to say what I feel, and even more for people that are blury, and in the same time very present by their absence. Do you get me? Because I think i’m supersticious. At least about my father.

79) Why is it so easy in comparison to say and show what I feel to my cat? Because she’s like she is, no judgement.

80) Why so much oppression?

81) Why humiliate?
For bad reasons.

82) Why do I feel so powerless?

83) Why didn’t I do something scientific finally?
Because I loved writing more. Because I lost some trust in science after my mother’s death. Well not in science, but in scientifics more.

84) Why did it take so long to remember, to realize?

85) Why I understand nothing?
Because I don’t remember, don’t know what happened since the beginning.

86) Why do I want to surf when one of my worse fear is to drown in a tube?
Because I want to live it, and stop fearing, and there, it must be the great deal about that. I’m also afraid of the sharks BTW :p

87) Why be in this world of appearance?
Better be than be an appearance.

88) Why love people who hate you?
Love maybe not. But not hate. Hate leads to worse than hate, it leads to lose yourself. When you lose yourself, you’re false, you’re weak. You can be manipulated. In the end, it’s only hate, you don’t even know why you hated.

89) Why dye my hair?
It’s stupid that’s right. I didn’t say I was smart.

90) Why do I fear so much the thunderstorms?

91) Why do I think I would deserve to have another child? (presomptuous)

92) Why do I have so much this need of truth, and live a true life?
Because that’s me.

93) Why do I still have the feeling the republican governements have done worse things?

94) Why do I still want no barriers when we have so many ugly neighbors? Lol

95) Why am I so open for the world, the future, hope, and so few regarding my own life and feelings?

96) Why am I a freak health?
Partly because I saw my mother so sick, and die. And same for my father-in-law.

97) Why in paradox I don’t want to take meds?
Lack of trust.

98) Why do I avoid confrontation when I know it’s the solution?

99) Why kill?

100) Why not?

101) Why me?

102) Why tomorrow, why later?

103) Why do I need so much to write?

104) Why do I often have the feeling something wrong is about to happen?
Because it happened like this a lot in my life.

105) Why do I refuse others’ help?
Trust issue. Vulnerability.

106) Why it’s always the masses who’re right?

107) Why american idol?
Audience, money.

108) Why?

Updated October 31st : 69, 72, 76, 79

Updated November, 5 : 70, 74, 78, 83, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 92, 96, 97, 104, 105

1) Why even if it’s better, is there still moments I hate myself?

2) Why have my “family” hidden the identity of my father to me?
I think that it’s because they didn’t like him. I think they didn’t want I could choose between 2 nationalities. I think because they thought not serious because of his activity. And then because they wanted to save their asses they went on telling lies. All for them in fact, whether I wanted to know my father or not, or I could think he was good. And whether I might have liked him.

3) Why my mother revealed it to me? Because she was a good, unselfish person.

4) Why didn’t she then insist when she saw I did not understand?

5) Why have I lost trust in men when I know they’re not all the same? Because all I’ve known until now have not behaved correctly, from manners to threaten my life.

6) Why having forced me to switch hand even in the “family”? Stupidity, fanatism. For the “family”, it’s still blury. I hope it’s not because he’s left-handed, because it would be then more difficult to forgive them.

7) Why am I so withdrawn when I shouldn’t be?
Because I can’t trust anyone.

8) Why no walk to the one whom I fear the less? Fear of rejection.The more I care, the more difficult.

9) Why be so emotional on things that don’t touch the others?
Because I care.

10) Why my cat is a bitch? (ok this one is to discharge a little)
This one was a joke.

11) Why am I a writer?

12) Why do I have blue eyes and blonde hair when the rest of the “family” has them dark? Because it’s certainly true my true father has blue eyes and blonde hair.

13) Why my mother died so young?
Because she had lots of problems, and because her family didn’t always treat her like she deserved it. because she had to live long years with the SOB. Because she had to wrok a lot, with no enjoyment of life in return. because all of this drained her for long years. That’s why so young. Then in the sense of justice, I can’t answer why so young, because she did not deserve that. It can be a lesson to me. I learnt from this. To live like I want, not to force myself never if I don’t want to… Less pressure, more slide, more life.

14) Why my father has remainded silent?
I think it can be partly because of my “family”. Because he thought I wasn’t ready. Because maybe he’s afraid.

15) Why do I dream of the dark-haired lady?

16) Why I am so curious about her now?
Because I remember her better. Now.

17) Why do I dislike grey unless it’s coupled with white?

18) Why do I like red hair?

19) Why do I like Saturn the more?

20) Why are people so afraid of the truth?
Their little selfish comfort.

21) Why do people are so afraid of communication when it’s the only thing that would save us?
No care. Not willing to change. Not realizing the importance of it. Afraid of the consequences. I think the consequences are worse without communication.

22) Why am I afraid of a door ajar on the dark?
It’s an old memory, in the apartment of the SOB, “our” first apartment. I’ve got the memory of my bedroom ajar in the dark while I’m standing in the corridor. And with the context, I know now why I’m so scared.

23) Why do I LOVE music?
I think it’s a certain empathy.

24) Why do I see “things” in my dreams?

25) Why do people must control things that don’t even belong to them?
I could find only one answer to that “Power”. Tell them “power of what?” Power is so illusiory.

26) Why when I look around people have lost great values, like loyalty, honesty or respect, and prefer money?
Because they take what they’re given.

27) Why is it never enough?

28) Why am I left-handed?
I think that in spite of all the environment who wanted me right-handed a lot, the fact that i’m still left-handed must have something with stubborness, but also genetics.

29) Why John Lennon died such a way?

30) Why do I need so much to know WHICH man is my father?
Because it’s a hell to hesitate. It’s not because it’s close that it’s the ne person. Each man is unique.

31) Why do I need so much to see him in flesh?
It’s difficutl. There must be several things. I love what’s real. I need to see him for real, with my own eyes. Possibly intimacy, too. To exchange, communicate “in live”, and have no quipropos.

32) Why do I want to protect him not saying his name when I think no one really cares?
Because I’m not 100 sure. because it could hurt him in a way unfairly then. Because even if I was sure, I don’t think I could. Then it’s more complicated. It’s about emotions and feelings.%

33) Why do I NEED to know him?
For lots of reasons, I suppose. But although it seems the less understandable for a lot of you, and doesn’t explain this, I think the answer I have in me is “because he’s my father.”

34) Why is my partner a fucking PC addict?

35) Why do I always have to hide what I feel? I think it’s become a sort of automatism now. I built myself this way, upon the events I had to live. it’s become my nature.

36) Why did Kurt Cobain die such a way?

37) Why wouldn’t I have the right to be loved like the others?
Good question! I see no reason indeed.

38) Why do I like Gillian Anderson more in a bunch of great people, and even though some have a better character? :D I think it’s because of her heart is unconditional, only somebody with the same core can know what I mean.

39) Why can’t I trust? MEN, lies, hypocrisy, it’s personal now.

40) Why is there so many people who are ready to sacrifice the Earth and all the species on it for a handful of dollars?
Selfish. They don’t care that it’s the nothing after they die. They believe in nothing. Except power and money, two illusiory things I said already.

41) Why so much many other people find it normal?
How should I know? Selfish too? Lazy? Unconscious? Pessimistic by nature? Already beaten?

42) Why do I have my hands cold so often?

43) Why my cat always show me her ass? I think it’s because she’s happy to be here, and confident.

44) Why do I still have hope when I think it turned into one of the worse scheme? I think it’s my character.

45) Why are my emotions so blocked?
I think it’s because I often had to hide them to surivive. Esp. with the SOB. I work on this. At least I don’t deny it, so it won’t explode in a very devastating way.

46) Why is it so difficult to improve that?
Because I can’t trust. because it’s been a while I’m like that ; a part of me is naturally like that.

47) Why am I so bizarre?

48) Why do I have so much difficulty to believe even what I have in front of me? I should’ve added “when it’s good”. Because I’m not used to good things. Happiness isn’t obvious for everyone. I’m one of these.

49) Why can’t I hate, even people who hurt me? I’m angry a moment, furious even, but it never lasts long, even some who would deserve so why? Again, I think it’s my character, can’t fight it.

50) Why was I born on a 1st, the loneliest number?

51) Why do I have the feeling for a while that it’s going too slow?
Because I’m finally waking upafter long years of hibernation.

52) Why do I have such a skin, white, allergic, shitty?
Oh, genetics. Bother. :)

53) Why do I love green, blue, orange and purple?

54) Why do I have the feeling red is not a good color?

55) Why is everything slowly losing soul? (and more quickly, or is it just me?)
More speed, more power, more money. I’m not sure we know why we’re here anymore. that makes us unsatisfied, and to complete the lack, we consume. And it’s going on, and on.

56) Why is there always someone to pull down the ambiance when there’s no reason at all for it?
Frankly? I think the answer above could explain that. Maybe instead of feeling sad, I could feel sorry and try to cheer’em? And if it doesn’t work, accept I can’t be everywhere.

57) Why do I nearly never cry?
Because of my emotions blocked, and the lack of trust. And crying is really something making you 200 vulnerable. I need a lot of intimacy.%

58) Why nobody cares that in some decades, maybe years, there won’t be polar bears anymore?
Selfish.

59) Why are religions often badly interpreted, in the interests of men, and not of common sense, spirituality and growth?
because humans prefer material and power benefits. because it’s easier.

60) Why Do I have the feeling my father doesn’t love me
Because it’s silence radio. Because I’m afraid he migh have known of me being so dow and think I’m a wimp and not worth it.

61) Why can’t I choose between cat and dog?
Because I like both. I don’t have to choose. The more love the better no?

62) Why does Scully have fucking fleas? (where did she catch these, she doesn’t go out?)
She fucking doesn’t have fleas anymore. I learnt that it’s current for little cats to have fleas.

63) Why is it always with me, I give everything or nothing? My character. People tried to “educate” me, but it didn’t work, I’m still the same raw thing I was.

64) Why do the word “balls” make me laugh? Because it’s actually funny?

65) Why am I so very stupid and silly? Because life is short.

66) Why is there only 13% of lefties?

67) Why the FOX has bothered us for so long, and still no XF movie? Money, money, money.

68) Why NO when it can be YES?

I have to buy frontline for this fucking stinky cat droping fleas on all the pillows of the sofa X-( :D

Updated October 31st : 3, 5, 6, 8, 12, 35, 38, 39, 43, 44, 48, 49, 63, 64, 65, 67

Updated November,5 : 2, update 6, 7, update 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 28, 30, 31, 32, 33, 37, 40, 41, 45, 46, 51, 55, 56, 57, 59, 60, 61, 62

I educate a kid who’s nearly 3, and he always ask why. I realized that us, grown ups, or so-called, get our lives so complicated, when sometimes to have an answer, you only have to ask why. Of course, it doesn’t always work this way… But I’m gonna ask why. Maybe there’s some things I can answer myself, and get to understand others that bother. It’ll be a bit maybe like a brainstorm. And then I may be able to group ideas. Maybe then I can get to conscience some others. And also understand that what’s blocked inside, memories, or emotions, have an interlocutor, and addressee.