have friends

So I kinda screw things with a good friends. She was all ways there for me, but at time she was very clingy.. extremely clingy. I felt the need to get away from her, I really can’t deal with clingy people. It became so much, that anything she said would bug me! So I felt it was best to be apart for a little while, b.c I didn’t want to end up in a fight…

I did end up being A little rude when I shouldn’t have(although she would say things that she shoulnd’t have said either). I then realized my mistake and changed the way I was acting, b.c no matter how clingy she could be It really didn’t mean I had the right to be rude.
So everything was going in well until something happen! In fact it started by the end of the summer, I really can’t explain what it is, stop talking to me on msn, Wouldn’t like text msg when I did. Even during school b.c we have some of the same classes, wouldn’t even sit with me or anything (now I sound like the clingy one lol). I know it was partly my fault, but we were cool before school started, and I kind ask her to forgive me if I WAS EVER mean to her.
The other day She ask me about this concert I WANTED to go for the longest time (and she KNEW I WANTED TO GO), and she told me she was asking me b.c her friend from another class (which I know too) wanted to go with her. I WAs like wtf? I told her a million times to come with me! A million times to come with me! and?? nothing…
but for other things she will call me! like shopping, and she tries to make plans with me! I honestly don’t get it!!

I just wished that we could be close, but not as close!! I know I might be contradicting my self, but I was really hurt when she told me about the concert! and didn’t even bother to invite me. I shouldn’t have attitude toward her, but I changed and no matter how mad I would be I would’ve never ever leave her alone! never! if she didn’t have someone to hang out with, she knew that she never had to really ask me! she could just hang with me.

I don’t know what to do, I feel so lonely.. I mean yesterday I felt so lonely. thIS WEEK is my first week of classes, and I have friends in all my classes (including her and other people) but I still feel lonely, is that even possible? To feel lonely when you are surrounded with Sooo many people? I guess that’s the worst part, being around friends and still feel alone..

ughghghgh

Feeling kinda lonely tonight…

This goal has drastically changed for me since I first set it. It’s like god realised how lonely I was and sent people to gravitate towards me after my break up. This time last year I felt truly alone. Then all of a sudden I made a new friend at the job from hell last year and she stuck. Then one of my old friends got in contact with me again after a whole year and I no longer hold it against her, its just the way she is I’ve finally realised. I still have my close friend that has been around for the last 6 years (but at one point she was my only solid friend so I still felt alone) alongside that another old friend is more embedded in my life as a friend now and I met a couple more new girls at my saturday class- they are more like acquaintances than real friends and I only speak to one of them on the phone but they, in the grand scheme of things add to the feeling of no longer being alone.

Things really do change quickly. I remember sifting throuh my mobile looking for somebody to call. I even set up a meeting with a girl from college who turned out to be extremely stiff and it was awkwardly embarassing- I went home dissapointed and never rang her again. But things have changed and whilst I still don’t have the Carrie Bradshaw or ‘Friends’ type closely knit social group (does that even exist?) I am content with what I have been blessed with in the now.

i want to get friends too… but i’m so busy all the time working on my PC.. so i guess i should better get cyber-friends…
anyway… i hope to meet some people anytime soon… =)

This is the only thing that i have plenty of it, but so sad to say non of them is my really best friend.
All my friends are just seasonly. like when i was at the college I had lots of friends, but when i graduated all of them left me.
Most of ppl around me ;like to use me, thats why I’m not able to trust anyone to be my best friend.

I don’t know what to do or where I have to go to have friends, I feel so lonly.

I am at a totally different place to where I was when I set this goal. When I set it I was at a place (where I’ve been many times before) hardly anyone seemed to contact me, a dry spot. Sometimes I wondered if this would be it. Me alone in life. I just yearned for some regular contact with someone.

Now I have met new people through work and a class that I signed up for. Good people from the past are also reconnnecting with me. The only thing is, true loneliness never seems to go away once these people are gone. Once we go our separate ways on the street or hang up the phone. It’s like they top me up and make me feel happy whilst I am around them but after they are long gone I feel alone again, which sugggests that the loneliness is within me and I need to perhaps nurture myself and spend more QUALITY time alone doing things that enrich me opposed to perpetuating my idleness. Reading a book, writing a story, researching things that will help me progress etc.

I cannot go back and reconnect with those from my past. My life is so different now, but I need to find a way to relate to others and establish healthy relationships.

I’m shy. It’s hard for me to meet new people. I hate it.

I feel so lonely.. I really do.
My best best friend, faarrrr away! I know she is there for me, and I know that she’ll always be there for me! but I really need someone here to just hang out and have good time! I feel like I am missing out on things! I am 21 years old, and Most of my Fridays I spend them at home! and it just bothers me..
I am so bored with my self! and it just makes me so depress!!
I am not asking for a huge group of friends!! I just want two friends that I can rely on, I don’t want acquantancies!! I want friends!!!

I feel LIKE such a looser, honestly.. and I know this affects my self esteem, and to tell you the true, My confidence is really low right now!