Develop completely useless abilities so people think I'm cool

i’ve gotten the useless part down.

it’s the “cool” i have to work on.

I’d like be able to do a back flip, or play the spoons. Maybe have mystical power over animals.

1) spin poi
2) start a business
3) learn japanese

happy peanuts soar
over chocolate coated mountaintops,
and waterfalls of caramel

prancing nougat in the middle
sings a song of satisfaction
to the world

My name is Shake-zula,
the mic rula,
the old skoola,
you wanna trip,
I’ll bring it to ya!

Frylock and I’m on top,
rock you like a cop,
Meatwad you’re up next with your knock-knock!

Meatwad make the money, see?
Meatwad gets the honeys, G.
Drivin’ in my car, livin’ like a star…
ice on my fingers and my toes and I’m a Taurus.

Uh… check check it, yeah!
Cuz we are the Aqua Teens,
make the homies say “HO” and the girlies wanna scream!
Cuz we are the Aqua Teens,
make the homies say “HO” and the girlies wanna scream!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force
#1 in da’ hood, G.

1.] Adopt an Irish accent.
2.] Write clearly with my non-dominant hand.
3.] Whistle with my fingers.
4.] Name all the South American countries’ capitals.
5.] Do some sort of flashy skateboard trick.
6.] Make a grilled cheese in under three minutes.
7.] Do a handstand.
8.] Create life-size replicas of Scottish War heroes out of peanut butter.

That sort of thing.

I’ve already got a few completely useless abilities. My repertoire as of now consists of;

1. farting on cue
2. fitting in small cabinets
3. I forgot #3

I’d like to add shapeshifting and telekinesis to my list, but they take dedication and an attention-span. Does anybody know where I can find an attention span?

I’m thinking about learning how to juggle. I tried when I was younger and failed. However, I did not have the motivation to be cool back then that I have now.

Like those people who can light their zippos by snapping them or those people who can recite entire movies. Or pull ups. Pull ups are useless. And that’s already on my list. oh oh oh I could learn to knock beer cans off of fence posts with a .22 or maybe with a rock because I don’t own a gun. Or learn to throw a football through a tire swing. Or become very knowledgeable about pop culture. That is completely useless