just saw him while i wasw getting into the building again, he got out all of a sudden, maybe he was waiting a friend, or maybe for me? because he sincerely looked me the eye…hmmm…i must have said sth about his beloved one…but i didn’t, and am not going to do it. I, am truly sorry for myself, for having to endure all that. I am sorry myself, i love you and i am going to take care of you. I love him, but i can’t do anything about it, i just can’t be with him, he doesn’t want to be with me, nobody does infact. That’s alright, i might needn’t anybody now and maybe just like Coco Chanel. ....i don’t need anyone any more. Gotta mind my business…gotta live with myself…and accept that i have to be here now…and endure all that. I love him…but what can i do…he must realize that he is so young….and he has other opportunities. the thing is, i am not the one for him and i regret ever that i had to leave my eyes wandering until i spotted his gaze, i shouldn’t…i shouldn’t let my heart go. I am miserable, lonelier than ever, fatter than ever, sick…tired and broken…and drowing in debts and in eternal sadness…i am hurt, hurt…hurt. 1 week ago
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his dad…and ithought that’s it, but no…it is not it anymore. It is he joined the workplace i am in. but in another building. I don’t want to see myself badly hurt…what more reasons to make me run away…can’t believe how shitty my life became. All the past 3 years i have been trying to apporach him, and he doesn’t care. now after i forgot him….and found sth to do…instead of just follishly dream of him, he is in…the shittier thing, i just told someone in the the place about him…oh holy shit, that shouldn;t have happened. oh my god.i sincerely don’t want to to regret anything. 1 week ago
that the arrangements are for the death of his father, not for his wedding, deep down inside, i lost faith…i sincerely should be escape living in this place, they ruined me. 2 weeks ago