Figure out what I am going to do with my relationship with Kelly

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Andrea ehresman 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanThe end....

So going back and forth about this relationship….He sends me a text that I am a spoiled B*&^....I made the right choice… 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanTold him

I kind of went off this morning…I totally explained how I felt and that it was unfair both to me and to him…I sure hope I don’t regret this decision. But in retrospect…I haven’t ever regretted breaking off a relationship. 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanNot really hormonal

O.K this discontent is not really a hormonal thing..it is a reality thing….I am so tired of settling! When I was with Tony I was settling for a partial relationship, and now although in a different way I am doing the same thing with Kelly.

I have one theme in all of my relationships. The men are unavailable in one way or another. Next time I need to hang out long enough to figure out in what way they are unavailable to see if it is in a way that would be acceptable to me…

I find it hard to believe I would rather be alone all of the time that have a Pseudo relationship. I am just so sensitive to people who are supposed to be in my life and there to support me..not really there for me. I would rather really be alone than have someone who is supposed to be there for me…not really be there for me.

I hate to give up this relationship, but I think that the reason I have been so discontent is because it is not right for me… I need peace in my life and this relationship is disrupting my peace.

God I hate to give him up… 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanDec 30 2011

Ugggg…I don’t know what I am going to do. I love Kelly, he is a good man, and he is good to me when we are together. I just get so discouraged knowing he lives 2 hours away and it is going to stay that way. So, we will be “dating” for at least 4 more years, driving back and forth.

I guess I got discouraged when I started filling out a disability insurance form. It just makes me realize how alone I am and how if something happened to me I would be “screwed.” Really no accountability.

On the other hand. I enjoy being with him, love him to death…And, I don’t know if I could find anyone who I would like to be with more, and I sure do hate to be alone.

I don’t know why I have to be so discontent! 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanDecember 14th

Again…the “break-up feeling” is here. Doubt,fear, worry…Hmmmm 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanNov 23 2011

O.K. I said I was going to keep track of my “break-up” days. Today was that day! I woke up and had a million things to do this morning so I can get ready to go up to Kellys the next couple of days. Totally got on my nerves. My house is a wreck because the kids and I are only there to mess it up, not to clean it. My dryers been broken so I have a million loads of laundry to do. And I always feel like my life is a mess when my house is a mess…control issue!
Then I had to get roll dough together for work, feed the dog, cat etc. Clean out the darn cat box of a cat that isn’t even mine, get my clothes together, call the vet and Christy to get the horse to the vet. And…I think….arrrrrrr…this isn’t worth it. Why am I doing this. 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanI need to keep track of myself

I need to keep track of myself and my emotions. Kelly seems to think I want to leave him once a month. I think he may not be too far off base. I am getting older and it seems like my hormones may be tanking which may be contributing to my “moodiness” Hate to admit it but…. 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanGetting better

Kelly has really stepped up. I told him that “I had too much to loose.” Meaning, I don’t have time to waste on a relationship that wasn’t going to work out. He has really made a huge effort to be the man he really is, instead of taking the easy way out. 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanBeing vulnerable

On this day of your life, Andrea, we believe God wants you to know … that to love is to be vulnerable.
Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.

I don’t want to be vulnerable, I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to be vulnerable! Although I am…I guess if I want to be secure I need to be alone. I want to open up. Easier said than done! 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanFall out

I am concerned that Kelly doesn’t “get” the “relationship rules.” These are “basic rules” not anything crazy or beyond common sense. He is not an unsensitive, unintellegent man…however, he sure acts like it sometimes and this pattern is begining to concern me. 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanOct 11 2011

Horiscope
Your pessimistic tendencies leave you feeling angry and overwhelmed today. Stop looking at everything as a negative or a liability. Some things in life just exist to exist, without judgment or resentment. Stay away from the poison. Instead, sip a little ambrosia.

I keep seeing Kelly as a liability instead of an asset. I know he could be an asset to me if I would see him that way. 2 years ago


Andrea ehresmanOct 10th 2011

This relationship has been an emotional roller coaster for me. One minute I am sure it will work and the distance and other issues can be worked through, and the next minute I know there is no way I can hang on for 5 more years.

It makes me feel very helpless and depressed knowing that nothing is going to change in the next few years, but I’m not willing to give him up either. Then I feel bad because I feel like I am using him.

I am sure he has noticed a change in my mood and behavior with him. I just don’t feel so close and secure as I used to.

I worry that he is not contributing to make me the best person I can be. 2 years ago


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