try to understand why he doesn't love me anymore

I think I need that book that hkingsman is refering to in her note because I can’t help thinking sometimes that I wasted my time in a relationship that went nowhere, mind you I was not in a short term relationship. I was with the same guy for over 8 years, engaged and everything. When I moved away to continue my education, things took a turn for the worst..it was very hard for him (totally understandable) and he just fell apart, and then we grew apart. I tried fighting for so long, but was slowly getting nowhere and ended up just hurting myself in the process.

I tried for so long to figure out why he no longer loved me and also realised, recently, that it’s not that he doesn’t love me, he just doesn’t know how to be with me due to the distance, in miles, between us.

my advice to anyone reading this blog with similar issues in their relationship is to stop trying to figure out why someone doesn’t love you anymore because you will just end up hurting yourself in the process, believe me. It’s nice to reminice sometimes, but the more you go through everything in your head trying to figure it all out and wondering “what if”, the more you will drive yourself crazy. The “what if’s” don’t matter, everything happens for a reason and you can;’t dwell on “what if i did this differently, or , what if i did this and not that”..you have to live in the present, not in the past..just leave it all behind and take the good stuff with you so you can be in peace and maybe, just maybe someday move on and be happy again.

i’m sure this sounds like i’m rambling on, it’s just i have so much on my mind and it just all comes out at once (haha).

i’ll continue another day, interested in maybe seeing other people’s posts

take care all :)

Ok, so I’ve finished reading my book, “In the Meantime.” I feel like my eyes and my mind are completely open. I’ve realized so many things about myself that I could never understand before because I wasn’t 100% truthful about certain things. Now I am. I also realized that you know what? I don’t HAVE to understand why he doesn’t love me anymore and you know what? I think that he still loves me but just in a different way. I think that Michael will always care about me because we had a wonderful friendship and relationship. This isn’t for me to understand. All I need to worry about is myself and where I am going and what I am doing and who I am loving. I talked to him last night and it felt soo good to be able to tell him all of the things that I’ve realized since our breakup 2 weeks ago. It felt good because I didn’t get to thank him for the wonderful relationship that we had and for all of the things that he taught me and for all of the love that he gave me. He is a wonderful person and just because it didn’t work out for us doesn’t mean that he’s a terrible person or that I have to understand everything that he’s feeling. I won’t ever forget him or the love that we had. It was really, really special and that is all that I need to understand. :)

I’m reading this great book that a friend gave to me for my bday in October called “In the Meantime.” It puts an emphasis on the fact that you are not wasting your time when you think you did in short-lived relationships but that that particular relationship was supposed to be there for you at that point in time in your life. I really like that thought. Just knowing that the relationship that just ended for me was helping me get somewhere is comforting. Or maybe it was protecting me from something else. You just never know. Even though he tried to say it was a bunch of things about me that bothered him I know that is not the truth. I feel that he needs to dig deeper and really find the root of his anxieties/feelings. I never “did” anything to him. And if he did really love me, he would never break up with me for the superficial things that he told me about. I just wish he never would have told me that he loved me or told me that I was in his heart. That’s what makes it so hard.