Take a pause, stay in connection, be nice – that’s all 14 months ago

OK so we’ve figured out it doesn’t make a lot of sense in some ways to move out together right now. Which is a bit disappointing but will be helpful I think in the long run. That frees me up to move to another place closer to work and hopefully when I do that we’ll start seeing more of each other.

He just finished his book chapter but has now been asked to write another review. All of these little ‘projects’ have nothing to do with his actual paid job this yr so he does them in his own time which is stressful. So it seems he’s going to continue having a busy schedule for a while and I need to organise myself, move house and try and stay supportive!

I do feel better now we’ve had a big chat about it and made some decisions together. 21 months ago

I’m slightly concerned at the number of the people who’ve had this goal & end up breaking up!
I never thought I’d need this goal, we were so good together for 4 years… never even had a proper fight.

I don’t know how many of my problems with the relationship are actually because there is a problem or just my depression talking. He doesn’t seem to think it’s as bad as I do. My main issues are:
1. I don’t feel like we’re GOING anywhere. I need plans and progress. We’ve been at this same stage in our relationship for a good 2-3 years.

2. He keeps SAYING he wants to move out with me but not doing anything about planning it. I’m getting paranoid this is a case of “he’s just not that into you”. Or is he ACTUALLY too busy with work? I suspect he’s just so comfortable with us he kind of takes it for granted that I’ll still be there when he finally has the time…

3. We don’t see each other enough. Especially considering how long we’ve been going out. Usually about 6hrs once a week. By the time the week rolls around I take a good hour to ‘get comfortable’ with him all over again. I can’t just walk into the room and have an instant rapport with him like I used to.

4. When we do see each other it’s often at his parents house. They’re nice people but I’m over it. He’s got a proper job now and is 28. Man up and move out. He’s trying to save money before he moves overseas next year but obviously I value independence and freedom over money more than he does.

5. We’re on totally different schedules. I’m working part time and have my ‘weekend’ Wed to Fri. I have a lot of time to sit around and worry about us. He’s working 6 or 7 days a week and long hours and is always exhausted.

6. We seem to do so much complaining when we’re together. He’s stressed with work and I’m just miserable and don’t have too many positive things to say. Don’t we make a pair?!

Whew! I know I need to communicate with him more clearly. That’s the first step. And being positive about myself as well I think will make a difference. 21 months ago