come out of the closet

Okay, so since my step-parents would probably totally kill me if I just came up and told them like that… I am thinking of giving them ‘hints’ by modifying my behavior in certain situations. I’ll probably think about this when I’ll modify my style… because I’m totally re-inventing myself.

Heck, I really pay too much attention when it comes to all the details of human behavior… psychology is my weakness xD but, seriously… When you think about it, even certain types of music can make people doubt your sexuality – especially when I have a brother like that... Macho to the max.

Priorities need to be sorted/timed out before this can happen.

I think my best friend already knows… I mean… I haven’t told anybody, but sometimes I can judge it from the way he talks to me. It’s not an attitude, but certain ‘hints’.

It’s not something I find ‘embarrassing’. It just… seems weird and uncomfortable. And kind of makes you feel alone. Not lonely. Alone.

Anyways…The worst part is that he knows a lot of people, and, apparently, three of his female friends have crushes on me. A normal guy would have an ego explosion and it sounds totally unbelievable and I hope that’s just some sick joke of his, but I feel awful.

The out status from last month was; 2 friends, the priest, and by default, my LGBT Youth group.

New additions are;

another friend (probably the worst experience I’ve had on the out thing, because he seemed pretty awkward about it despite himself being Bi!)

a girl on this volunteering trip I went on (I’ve never come out to a girl before and it was great being able to talk about girls at camp who we liked and didn’t xD)

went to another LGBT youth group so them (by default)

and semi-outed, semi-voluntariliy-came-out at work (now quit though!)

No bad experiences as of yet! It seems as though it is easier coming out to people I’ve just met tbh. But blast! I’ve still got so far to go! And I’m not looking forward to it! The homophobic world can be a bitch ¬.¬

Told my mom and my brother.

Need to tell all my friends; that are guys, and my dad, and the rest of my family.

Probally going to have to do it when I get all worked up and pissed off, thats when I told my ma and bro.

It is to give yourself the gift of freedom and self respect. Hard, but oh so worth it.

Boy do I need to do this _;;

Since my last post (I think in October?) I’ve actually come far.

I’ve come out to two friends – one of them being a best friend – and a priest (I’m not religious or anything…I was at a compulsory camp), and I’ve also started going to my local LGBT youth group semi-regularly. =D I also plan to go to Nottingham pride this month, along with a few other gay orienated things!

I never actually thought this would happen. Everyone always would say “you’ll know when it’s time…it’ll come, it’ll come” (this was on an LGBT forum that I’m always on), but I just thought, nope, I’m that one anomaly that’ll die with this secret. I mean, I was closeted for all of four years, I really couldn’t imagine things changing if for that length, nothing had.

I think coming out to those people has been a fantastic experience though. I feel a burden has been lifted off my shoulders, and those friendships have gotten alot closer now that I’ve done it. I’ve also got people to talk about girls with and ask advice over the phone, which is great :D I am scared though of coming out to the rest of my peers, even though they are pretty irrelevant people that now (given college is over) I won’t really ever see (apart from on FB). I’m also scared of the reaction of my now ex best friend, who is very much a homophobe. I think though I’m slowly converging to a point whereby I can say (and more importantly truly feel) “hey, I’m bi”, careless of whether or not whoever will reject me (and I’m not naive to the reality that some will). Despite that knowledge though, I know there are plenty of cool people in the world who really won’t care, and I know it’ll be those people that make my experience of life the greatest. All in all though, so far coming out has been great, and really cleared my head and made me feel relaxed about the whole thing.

For those that empathize with a frustration over the stagnation of being in the closet for so long, I’d say coming out really is a process that happens in parts. If you’re having difficulty with it, I’d say take it step by step, doing things that are small and doable at first, gradually building your confidence and comfort. This could be joining an online LGBT YOUTH site (youth being key here!) such as queeryouth, or gay youth UK, or going to your local LGBT youth group (which is completely safe and confidential). Don’t push yourself too hard and put pressure on yourself to come out in one burst…some are lucky enough to beable to do that, but not all. Our backgrounds are all different and it is, afterall, a difficult thing to do.

leslie went to pride.
gayyy pride.
the festival and the parade.

i am proud of myself.
and my family knew i went.
thats big to me.

[:

so yeah.
and i didnt even get sunburnt!!
i took care of myself.
and got alot of free shit.
met some people.
no one i really cared for.
but yeah.

it was a nice expirience.
hopefully next year it will be more thrilling.

muah.

ok so HONESTLY i dont call myself a lesbian.
nor am i straight.
so bi…?
i suppose. but that just sounds desperate to me.
its not that i am confused.
i just like qualities of both.
i am a girl, so i know alll about them.
and i like that.
they can be sweet, and gentle.
but girls are bitches. i know this.
they can be beautiful.
or they can be masculine, ya know.
i dont have a problem with either.

guys are just ass holes. lets keep it at that for now.

but that makes sense right?
it does to me.
maybe its just my mentality now.
but yeah..

please just dont label me.