there have always been, and always will be idiotic, stupid people roaming around this world, spewing their unwanted, ignorant “advice” and comments to everyone they can. They’re not going anywhere.

And, thus, I have also come to the realization, that, for my own sanity’s sake, I have to CowgirlUp and just deal with them and/or ignore them…otherwise, they win with my being discontent and irrational (much like themselves).

I try my best to rise above this certain type of person now, but when I can’t simply so that, I will speak up and stand up for myself or someone close, because love conquers all – yes, even idiocy.

I believe within the last year or so, I have definitely put forth the effort in learning how to gain patience towards people I never had patience for before. I’m more for educating those folks now…even if they don’t want to hear it. I don’t know them, I don’t know their life story, or how they feel inside towards the world. They may be a certain way for various reasons, but maybe if I show a tad bit of kindness, patience and light, maybe it will help them in some small way. And, maybe, just maybe, they feel they are being helpful in their words, which is another way to look at it.

Whichever way I see it, my patience level can be extended a small amount every day to help my sanity and maybe help someone else in doing so.

I am marking this done! 3 months ago

My 7-year-old son who has been diagnosed with Autism (Asperger’s) is difficult to take anywhere. We usually opt to stay home rather than create stress for him by going out. But we have found that we can go out to breakfast at Country Buffet every weekend, and he does fairly well. We sit in the back nook of the restaurant – and he has his own booth next to our table so he can have his own space…he gets quite aggitated when his “bubble” becomes invaded, but loves to get too close to others. We’ve been going there for about a year or so now. He’s on a gluten-free dairy-free diet, so he can have as much of what he’s able to eat as he wants. :)

The staff never has any problems with his behaviors…we all look forward to chatting on the weekends. We know all the staff and managers by name. My son even has three phone numbers from people there that he asked for. That was a funny thing for him to be asking employees for their numbers so they could “hang out sometime.”

This morning, my kiddo wasn’t in a great mood. He left the house in high spirits, but upon arrival, it was busier and louder than normal, and the guy (Mike) we always see was there and he’s like a big toy. We sat down. I asked Christopher if he wanted to me to get his plate, or if he wanted to; he said he wanted to stay at the table playing his game while I went up. He has the same plate every time; a smiley face; 2 poached eggs (not sure if poached, but whatever kinda egg they’d use in a fast-food breakfast sandwich) for the “eyes,” a hashbrown for the “nose,” and three links of sausage for the smile. He proceeded to tell me how he wanted his plate…halfway through his very detailed directions, I told him I knew how to do it. This irritated him and he shouted to me “Mom, be quiet! Let me talk! Stop interrupting me! Urrrrr!” I told him that’s not how we talk which made him more upset because I was speaking over his talking. He started shouting more and more, and the older couple we see there most of the time started looking at us in disgust. The woman chimed in with “That’s just great! If he keeps this up that’s how he’ll be when he’s a teenager.” She wasn’t my concern at that time. I didn’t respond.

I ended up getting him to chill out a bit before I went to get his food. I sat down at the “adult table” for a minute to calm myself down while Mike listened to his ramblings of Pokemon (his current obsession). The lady started again-more stern this time…”You know, you should really be telling him what to do as a parent.” I couldn’t hold my tongue, so I said a simple “Thanks for the advice. Enjoy your meal.” But she didn’t stop. I wanted to jump down her throat, but said instead: “My son has Autism and has trouble functioning in an acceptable manner when his stress level becomes high. He wanted his plate a certain way because with Asperger’s, kids usually have OCD tendencies. And he gets super upset because at times it’s kinda like bipolar disorder.” She said “oooh, okay, but still” She finally shut up. She must have been uncomfortable or heard me talking to my mom about her comments, because she left not long after with her husband still eating. Serves her right for passing judgement without first thinking or having some compassion in doing so.

Unfortunately even after this one meltdown, Christopher couldn’t regulate. The place was now so busy that there was a line out the front door. He had two more meltdowns before we finally left. My yummy dessert never got enjoyed as it stayed at the table. :( Price ya gotta pay to attempt to maintain the peace. As we were leaving, my son was in such a bad state that he was trying to punch me and knock me to the floor because he never came down from his third meltdown. At this point, everyone’s eyes were on us. I really hate that feeling. To everyone else he just looks like a snotty/bratty, badly-behaved, defiant monster child when he has his Asperger-related meltdowns. My only thought in those moments is to try anything I can to get it to stop…but with most attempts, it’s hopeless because he’s not in his right mind when it gets that far!

I hope I can deal with all these naive, ignorant people and try to educate them. My one least-understanding crowd is the over 50s/60s. The majority of this generation doesn’t belive in anything but “tough parenting-I’m big, you’re small” and can’t be talked to 90% of the time. That crap doesn’t work with Autism!!! And not for lack of implementing I tell you now. >

Lord, please help me to be more patient of those who know not what they say. Who have not been in my shoes. Please help me to educate these people in what many children go through on a daily basis in life, so that they then may learn to be more compassionate and understanding of these children who are trying their hardest to fit in our world while still living in theirs. Amen. 17 months ago

I was browsing through my emails and found this thread…thought it was fitting of this goal. Although a bit lengthy, it’s fitting regardless.

This woman (we’ll call her “Jane”) is my then-boyfriend’s mother (we’ll call him “Joe”). While Joe and I were together, I quickly realized the parenting style that I use is very different from Jane’s. Joe was raised a certain way and thought my son’s behavior was due to the fact that I wasn’t being more like his mom with such full structure. They were usually fairly tight-lipped about their feelings but it all came out in the end. One night, I was really frustrated by the people around me (that should be supporting me) just not understanding anything about my son and what’s been done to try to work everything out! I logged into facebook and typed in my status as: “is so irritated that some people don’t understand her son and the whole picture!” A friend of mine then said that those type of people will never change so pay no mind. I agreed. Well, Jane read that thread and thought it was about her and that I was “airing out” her business on facebook. This is what she wrote:

“Interesting comments: Read your comment about not understanding your son..Obviously I’m ncluded in that group..incld. the other comments. Not NICE “Seeking Serenity”...both Joe & I do understand the WHOLE picture incld the parenting adults. The only reason I never say anything is that t would fall on deaf ears & you would waste time blaming everyone else & making excuses or ignoring the bad behavior. My feelings are really hurt with you airing that stuff on Facebook.”

And this is what I responded with (in a feverishly, pissed-off mood):

“I’m sorry if I offended you, Jane. That wasn’t my intention. See, I use facebook as a sounding board the majority of the time, not as a resource to air laundry. I’m at home, with no outlet, and I sometimes have a need to blow off steam. The post and the comments were not aimed at you. I understand that you’ve never particularly liked what I write on facebook on a normal basis, but I’m not posting for you…I’m posting for me. That post I wrote was out of huge frustration for the lack of understanding I’ve been receiving amongst people lately. It wasn’t really aimed towards you. If it was, I wouldn’t have hesitated posting that it was. Jane, I understand that you’re trying to help, as is Joe, but what the both of you (and a few others) don’t understand is that those techniques that work for so many children in the population, may not work for others, specifically my son. I’ve tried many things (consistently, I may add) that have not shown the results I’ve needed…so I try another…and another…and another!! It’s been a process. One of which I am unfamiliar with and that’s purely the reasoning behing seeking out so many professionals to help the situation. Do you think I deliberately tell my son that he can behave badly? No, I don’t. It hurts my feelings that you would assume that I “ignore the bad behavior.” Yes, you and Joe both feel I’m making excuses. I disagree. I am busting my (pardon my languauge) ass for my son!!! Like a mother should! I have put forth every ounce of effort I have-my mom, as well-to find alternatives to help manage his behavior. And also our own. We have worked on ourselves and our home life’s struggles. And thank God, it has panned out pretty well recently! It’s one step forward, two steps back…everytime. I don’t feel that you and Joe understand the WHOLE picture because you’re not here on a daily basis, living it and trying to cope with not only my kiddo’s feelings, but our own, in trying to find new remedies! According to Joe, I’m insulting him by saying his brain can’t process that my kid is not like a lot of kids…that you can’t tell him, “this is what you’re going to do, and that’s it, end of discussion” but I’m not insulting him. I’m just stating that he doesn’t comprehend the entire picture and what needs to be done. I’ve been working so hard, Jane! You have no idea! And for someone to tell me I blame others, make excuses and ignore behavior is shocking to me. You were blessed with children who did what was expected of them, without baulking and knowing the consequences of their actions. I was not. And I’m okay with that. My son does not realize the mpact of his decisions until it’s too late and he’s far past the prior situation. He’s impulsive. He lacks empathy. And he is very behind in social skills and development. He’s smart as a whip, educationally-speaking, but lacks many skills kids ultimately pick up at a young age. My son has severe difficulties that impact daily life. Whether you see that or not. Those difficulties need to be addressed in a different manner than “okay, you did something wrong, now something wrong is going to be done to you.” He doesn’t understand that notion. There’s many, many kids like my son and I know I’m not the only parent out there that feels hopeless and told that they’re just not parenting well enough or standing behind what’s put in place, consistently. I know I’m not! So you and Joe, who think these things of me, are naive; inexperienced in knowing how to effectively teach my son the skills he’s lacking. I know I’m rambling, and I apologize, but I have a lot to say on this matter. I’m sure you’re quite upset with me but you really shouldn’t read too much into my fb postings, like you do at times. I’m a stressed-out mother, of an “Explosive Child” and sometimes just need a caring comment from someone who’s ‘been there, done that.’ I didn’t air anything out to anyone. I didn’t name names and even if I had made a list, none of my friends would’ve known any different. To air out, is to gossip. I’m not a fan of gossip, nor do I normally partake. I just needed a compassionate person to step up and say “it’s okay, you’re working hard, I understand, keep going” because I don’t usually get that from the people I should. Yet another thing that hurts my feelings, but I’ll live. I wonder if your reading has taken you this far down the screen or if you have given up and deleted me from your friends. Either way, I just needed to get that off my chest to you. Maybe you’ll understand, maybe you won’t but at least I tried. I don’t give up easily. Thank you so very much for the things you have put thought into in regards to my son. I appreciate it greatly. I’m still trying to put my thumb on exactly what works and what doesn’t but I have high hopes of what’s to come! That’s all I can do…along with pray a lot, have faith that I’m doing what’s right and that I’ll be led down the path I need, and hope for the best but quietly prepare for the worst-if need be. I’m doing the best with the hand I’ve been dealt.”

I talked with Joe about it but he didn’t back me at all. ^{surprise, surprise}. I never heard another word from Jane and didn’t speak to Joe for about a month and a half. I am no longer on speaking terms with either of these people. I know they felt they were helping but their naive nature was very disheartening, when I needed their positive support the most. For someone to talk down to you (from behind a computer, nonetheless) about their supposed lack of parenting is so incredibly mean-spirited. She’s apparently been raised to be propper but I don’t see it when something like that is written from an assumption. Oh well, mean people will always be mean people. I’m just glad that she was able to get her jollies off with her message to me. I don’t usually say this but…HA! I got the last word! 2 years ago