surrender

First, I want to figure out exactly what this means. Then I want to figure out how to do it.

“The Grapes of My Body.”

The grapes of my body can only become wine
After the winemaker tramples me.
I surrender my spirit like grapes to his trampling
So my inmost heart can blaze and dance with joy.
Although the grapes go on weeping blood and sobbing
“I cannot bear any more anguish, any more cruelty”
The trampler stuffs cotton in His ears: “I am not working in ignorance
You can deny me if you want, you have every excuse,
But it is I who am the Master of this Work.
And when, through my Passion, you reach perfection,
You will never be done praising my name.”

-Rumi

Being, not becoming, and it sparked a moment of introspection.

i never considered myself a spiritual person. i spent my life denying that there is a basis for a spiritual element in my life. In anyone’s life. i always felt i was a complete person, not wanting another person or a greater being to feel whole. But in retrospect, i can see that i always felt a need for something greater. A need i could scarcely acknowledge.

And then i met Her. She is the perfect complement to every facet of who i am, who i want to become. By demanding and accepting my surrender to Her, She completes me, and i Her. Although W/we exist 3,000 miles apart, O/our connection is so strong W/we marvel at the seeming impossibility of it all while accepting it all for the gift that it is. It is magic.

And it is real. The thoughts shared at the exact same moment, the feelings mirrored across the expanse of a continent, the needs and desires that tortured U/us as individuals but that bond U/us as Mistress and servant, are real. This connection W/we share is a connection of spirits. Drawn together by electrons that shimmer in the ether, held together by spiritual magnetism, W/we are uncertain of O/our destination but W/we cannot doubt O/our destiny.

People seek spiritual fulfillment from many sources, using a host of methods to conduct their search. i am not saying anyone source or method is right or wrong for any one person. But i know now, personally, that spiritual fulfillment is possible through surrender. i cannot tell another to whom one should surrender, or from whom one should accept surrender. But i feel certain that without surrender in the mix, there can be no fulfillment.

or even strong suggestions. It has never been my place to do so.

Until now.

Rest. Heal. Know i love You.

^{This is not a suggestion. This is an order i implore You.}

I surrender
I surrender
dear Lord, I SURRENDERRRRRRR
but first,
can you tell me how to do that

Be still, they say…
ask if there is anything to do
Listen, they say…
if you hear nothing..then recognize
there is nothing to fix

but, if you want me…if there is something I need to hear
can you speak a little louder
to make sure I hear

actually, yell

Surrender to life… The Dharma’s will be done.

Ever.

The most worthwhile, too.

A tear forms, escapes,
rolls down cheek, falls on pillow.
Longing in the night.

I want you to write an entry under the goal “Surrender” stating what that goal means to you, or what that surrender might look or feel like for you. Be detailed and honest. Tell our little world what it means to surrender to Me.

What is surrender? It differs from submission. Yes, i also submit to Mistress, but one may submit one’s body while one’s heart resists. Surrender freely given means i acknowledge my duty to submit and Her right to expect it. Surrender means i give myself to Her without condition, without limitation, and without expectation of reciprocation. Surrender at once implies and confirms Her superiority, and my acceptance; Her power and my abdication; Her status as Owner, and my status as Hers.

I surrender to Mistress. Not my Mistress, for i am owned, not she. I give to Her all that i am and will be. To the extent i can, i do so freely, but in truth i have no choice.

I surrender to Mistress because love compels me.

but there’s beauty too:

my son taking my hand, as he always does, knowing safety and connection in the gesture

the sound of the creek when i took my dogs for a walk

a message from someone dear, showing care for me

sad eyed lady of the lowlands

mexican chocolate cake with chile, right out of the oven

my eyes all puffy and sad, but mine