Live life!

Done a lot of this, and its nice not to have to worry about new clothes, etc. and just spend my money on enjoying myself with other people.

i wanna do the first thing that comes up to my head ..just live life with all my heart >>feel life every day..

My next social event will be a BBQ with john and party in the park with agnes. Will be amazing. I can’t believe I’m having not one but two (albeit joint) celebrations for my day of birth.

Done a lot of this and its really the best remedy. Only last week I organised my first social thing with people from my course with a great turnout of twelve and only a few dissappointments. But completely worth it. Well happy with myself about this!

I’ve been down lately. When I got down, I crawl into my turtle shell and that only compounds my loneliness.

At my best, I am vibrant, creative, fun-loving, warm, a good listener. I notice beauty in unlikely places, an abandoned building, a dandelion, a old man sitting on a park bench. I feel filled up with joy like in that scene from American Beauty.

But when I lose sight of balance in my life I get sad and anxious and down.

My main goal is to get more “healthy” habits to keep me in check. I’m a directionless 20-something right now. Floating along. I need to find some love and community and an outlet for my wild spirit.

All of my other things are working toward this big goal.

I purposely made this goal “live life” rather than “be happy” because you can’t be happy all the time. You need to feel pain, sadness and loss. But I do want to feel content and full.

Maybe not like it might be my last day but I want to do more then just exist in this lifetime. I have things that I want to do and I don’t because I’m afraid of change. I stay in relationships where change isn’t going to happen – that’s not me…that is not what is ingrained into me. I need growth. I need to grow so that when I’m a grandma and my grandkids are asking me “grandma what did you do when you were 28” – I will have something to tell them…

Life is what you make it. Live, Breathe, Life…

do something I care about and fuck what the world thinks

To go to club nights/events/exhibitions/music things such as cough cool, crystal nights &c. &c. &c. I need friends to go with who would be interested. All my friends can’t be bothered with this kind of thing/find it pretentious/ leave early/ act awkward. John is impatient and prefers to do more solipsistic activities that do not involve social interaction. Jahed is shy and unlikely to attempt to make new friends in a new environment. Selina would come if I persuaded her but when I’m with her I find it easy to go off by myself and she’s not good for making new friends, or less I feel like if we’re meeting up I should be spending my time with her. The only one who it works to go out with is Osama. Even with him, he generally knows someone everywhere, but ussually just looking for hot girls.

I have done a lot of this lately, at the expense of my academic work maybe. Anyway, went to so many of those post grad fun things, even though they are getting a lesser turnout and the fact that I didn’t last very long today. Going to Sean’s cocktail party tomorrow and might also try to get in a film before. Finally, been went to the film/fashion show thing. It wasn’t very good. But had drinks with Sam before/during/after and that was worthwhile.