149 as of this am. i am going to mark this goal completed and create a new goal to be 140 lbs. i think at 140 I will be a “normal” bmi at the dr’s office. 13 months ago

150! the best part about my period (besides all the sucky parts) is losing weight during it. I’m hoping I get down to 149.

:)

I think if I get down to 149 I might mark this goal completed and re-write it slightly differently…

like “write an entry every day with an idea how to lose weight until I weigh 149 at the doctor’s office” something like that. I think I would have to weigh about 140 at home to weigh 149 at the doctors.

:)

ok. idea for today

I am considering using the idea i read from cynthia sass about not eating after 5pm. i would probably get pretty hungry though, because i usually go salsa dancing at 8 or 7 and sometimes even later than that.

however i want to do most of my exercising in the morning and most of my eating in the morning and usually go to sleep early. i want that to be my pattern.

so i guess i will try to shift my eating to earlier in the day. part of this is having food available at home. and just planning and forcing myself to eat during the day which is harder if i’m stressed.

I should note though, that my dance teacher had a birthday party last night and i decided to treat myself and have some cake (normally i never eat sugar but i decided hey, it’s ok to have little treats once in a while…)

so i had a really small piece of cake, and i only ate 1/3 of it. ha ha. nobody really commented although jessica (my teacher) wanted me to take the rest of the piece home, but i said no.

eh.

anyways, it was cool how i could eat a little sugar like that. i never used to be able to eat small portions of desserts, it was my binge food (chocolate) it was either HUGE amounts or none at all. so being able to really savor it is a new experience.

:)

anyways…

so my idea today is not eating after 5pm (and obviously eating healthy before that)

and cooking my own food and cleaning my house which is getting quite messy. (but still no ants thank god) 13 months ago

I am considering lowering the time of day when I last eat a meal to 5pm. perhaps i will allow myself to eat after that but only small snacks like an apple. 13 months ago

edit: slept a little more and re-weighed and it went down to 151.

152

i was hoping to still be at 151 this morning but that’s ok. i went to bachata by the sea yesterday and it was fun at first but then it got a little overwhelming, it gets so crowded and stresses me out a bit. i guess it would be ok if guys would come and ask me to dance but they probably see that i am looking stressed and freaked out and don’t want to dance with me because of that. sigh.

aaaaaanyways… i will probably get another massage soon too, i am really liking those :)

i also need to work on really keeping up my sunblock dedication now that we are getting into serious summer sunny weather, yesterday was super sunny and i actually got a sunburn on saturday. even though i put sunblock on! i need to buy a higher spf… well i have some that is a higher spf that i can use i guess, i don’t really like that brand though but whatever. it’s better than getting a burn.

and i have a really good quality stuff for my face, i’ll use that every day when it’s sunny. right now its really cloudy and foggy but it’s still early.

and i want to make sure i take my vitamins and eat well for weight loss and also for skin health.

since i’ve lost weight my skin is loose and baggy. i’m hoping because i’m only 31 it will tighten up but… i need to start taking good vitamins and make sure it has the nutrients it needs. and wear sunblock!

ugh.

sooo… weight loss idea for today?

work out in the morning. yoga at 9:30

breakfast? i would love some oatmeal but i drank the last of the milk yesterday and i hate outmeal without milk. i just want something warm and comforting on a cloudy cold morning. maybe i’ll take a bath and then just eat some yogurt.

with tea.

and go for a walk this afternoon, after my therapy appointment.

note:

already missed my yoga, but lost 1 pound during my extra sleep session! (i totally believe in the power of sleep for weight loss :)

i will go to core yoga this afternoon at 4.

i also want to focus on cleaning the house and getting the yard cleaned, for clarity of mind and de-stressing purposes. 13 months ago

ugh feeling bad. not good. not happy. pms.

kicked out of meetup group.

mom is back with her yuckola sleeze machine ex-boyfriend. yuck a rooni.

going to make a list of reasons why i am lucky later…

but for now…

idea for how to lose weight…. argh.

1) go to yoga “kevin’s” class… but he is recovering, so ther’ll be a sub. but whatever. go anyways.

2) ride my bike? no just feel too sunburned. ugh. i could slather on the sunblock… no i am just not feeling it.

3) go to the bachata class at the boardwalk. wear a hat and cover up my sunburn and wear sunblock and bring water. it’ll be fun. just go. or not. not if i dont’ want to. i could go for a hike in delaveaga instead. i wish they had rent-a-dog. or that i could hang out with matt and his “rent-a-dog – actually his friends dog” i wish i actually had more female friends. well at least i tried!

4) relinquish guilt. 13 months ago

well last night i was strong (semi-strong) and resisted restaurant burrito and ice cream and instead went to the grocery store and made delicious home made burrito probably way healthier with turkey black beans and whole wheat tortilla. and fresh tomato. no veggies but at least fruit.

today i ate more of that for breakfast and no real fruits or veggies yet… i guess still depressed but mood is better went to tai chi this am (rode my bike!) and did googling about stressers and triggers which was extremely cathartic and stress reducing. 13 months ago

I am having the worst day. i had a terrible family therapy session with my mom where i found out she is getting back together with this horrible guy she used to date.

yuck.

i am so depresseed.

i totally want to comfort eat.

i promised myself i would go out dancing tonight to make myself feel better but i’m afraid if i do go i won’t be able to be a normal socializing person. i have total PMS and i just feel yucky.

i just want to go buy a big burrito and watch tv all night.

i was thinking about going and buying turkey as a burrito compromise and making homemade turkey burrito with veggies too.

:)

and then maybe afterwards i could go to the dance party at 9.

or just stay home… it’s ok to rest sometimes.

or f it maybe i will allow myself to comfort eat… i don’t know.

i don’t want to be in the comfort eat’in pattern and i definitely remember gaining serious weight from night time burritos.

the turkey is probably a better plan.

i don’t know… 13 months ago

152

idea:

eat a lot of fruit. get some protein! go to the grocery store, but have recipes planned BEFORE I go. actually making cool food. (healthy, but REAL cooking – with ingredients and herbs and making an effort). not just banging 2 things together. look up recipes on self.com – maybe make curry scallops? i’ll think about it.

think about getting a g.f. grill. where would i keep it?

keep stress minimized. 13 months ago

idea for today:

relax and get a massage today to lower cortisol in my blood. being less stressed will help me lose weight.

just relax as much as possible today.

R&R today

:) 13 months ago

how to keep from gaining weight while i have a houseguest:

1) eat homecooked food
2) eat lots of fruits & veggies
3) get a lot of exercise
4) take time to relax
5) put myself first (don’t become her servant) 13 months ago

152

happy to be at 152. i really want to be at 149 though. i just want to not be in the 150s!!! ever! all month long!!! someday…

more fruit. more water

ok idea for today:

exercise in the morning!!

i have said this before but i’ll say it again: I really want to start doing a lot of exercise early in the morning. it’s important for a lot of reasons. it gets the metabolism going, makes you feel good, makes you eat less all day, makes your body process food differently… makes you happy…

:)

maybe just a few sit ups and a little jumprope but just something first thing to kick start. 13 months ago

I was at 152 yesterday, and i was stoked, but then last night i ate sweetened cranberries and a big bowl of popcorn right before bed and guess what?

i woke up to 154 on the scale. ugh.

no more eating before bed!!! from now on just a lot of water before bed.

(and if i have to wake up in the night to pee so be it)

which means eating a LOT during the day so i’m not hungry at night.

I find that eating a lot earlier in the day – as well as drinking a LOT of water

tends to help me lose weight.

also no eating at night is really helpful for weight loss (probably because if i eat at night it’s usually junk food. unless i have a lot of delicious fruit in the house…

my goal of eating more fruit (and since reading that people who eat a lot of fruit usually have lower bmi… i’m working on that one)

soooo…

gonna hit the grocery store

buy more fruit, and buy stuff to make a curried tuna wrap because i’ve seriously been craving rich delicious indian food but i’m hoping i can solve those cravings with a healthier version.

i’ve also been craving pizza, so maybe i can make a healthier pizza at home too.

there is a pizza company in my town that literally won the WORLD pizza championships and every since that happened i have totally been craving their pizza… but the more you give into your cravings the more you want to give into your cravings.

ugh.

ok

weight loss idea for today:

“try to be a little healthier each day than the day before”

i.e. try to exercise more and eat better.

obviously this is what i am doing… but i’m just summing it up.

:) 13 months ago

152! super stoked! possibly due to power yoga and also being more careful about not eating late at night :) if I can drop even more weight once I get my period maybe I could even get down to 149 again which would be AWESOME :)

anyways…

my mom (who is skinnier than me) gave me a pair of lululemon capri yoga pants because she had an extra pair, and they are REALLY NICE, and she said she thought they would fit. i squeezed myself into them, but when i took them off i was kinda sad because they were a little stretched out. they were a size 6 and I am more of a size 10 (maybe an 8? if its stretchy…) but definitely not a 6.

my mom is 130 pounds and I am 150 pounds… I would need to lose 20 pounds to fit into her clothes… yea it would be nice to lose 20 more pounds… but it’s going to take a lot of time.

i seem pretty stalled here at 152… but I don’t mind hanging out here for a while, as long as I am losing weight slowly. I just want to keep trying and have it slowly come off. it gets frustrating sometimes to think that i wish i could just be my mom’s size all at once (130 pounds!) and to feel like my 20’s and 30’s are wasted because I have been so heavy during them.

ugh.

ok. weight loss idea for today:

go to yoga at 9:30, (warm up first…,)
11:30-12:30 go for walk on westcliff (hopefully will be some sunshine then?)
therapy from 1-2,
home at 2:30, eat a meal
cook broccoli salad
go to salsa class at 7.
(eat dinner at 6, maybe some fruit afterwards, but nothing big just water)

:) 13 months ago

154

I have had some trouble lately staying motivated… (however probably after I get my period my weight will drop down at least 3 pounds or so… – I can hope!!)

but there is usually a lot of water retention the week before.

anyways…

other than that, probably due to PMS I am having a lot of food cravings… last night despite not needing food, I just wanted to eat and eat.

luckily I was able to say “no” -

probably due to the fact that I did a moving meditation/ecstatic dance video, which was very calming and centering…

I think it was helpful. I might consider taking classes in this in “real life” – they offer them here in Santa Cruz.

I think it would help with weight loss as well as mental health.

anyways… I would like to work on my weight loss motivation.

so I am going to journal about all the reasons why I want to lose weight and post them up.

:) 13 months ago

ugh! 155! i haven’t weighed this much in a long time…

i feel like a beached whale!

i ate a LOT of food before bed last night… so i need to make sure no late night snacking. my rule is no eating after 6:30 (when i take my meds)

I might extend that to 7:30 and start taking my meds at 7:30… since it’s getting darker later anyways.

and on days like today when i don’t really feel like i get enough sleep… (10-5:30) then I can take a nap.

or go back to sleep.

i need to get a laptop that i can use “flux” with…

ok well idea for today:

-small meals! (lots of small meals)

-lots of water! 13 months ago

ugh i just ate a bunch of sweetened cranberries and 2 bowls of soup…

i feel so full!!!!!

i need to stop eating so much at one sitting…

and i need to start drinking more water. 13 months ago

154… hopefully just PMS weight gain that will drop off soon… but I have to get working on this.

I am going back to making homemade food, which always helps.

I cooked brussels sprouts and tabouleh yesterday, and today perhaps turkey soup?

I like having lots of homemade food ready in the fridge. It makes life easier… you don’t have to go to a restaurant every time you are hungry, you know where the food is coming from, it tastes better… it’s ready right away… it’s made with love… the list goes on and on.

anyways.

idea for today:

i’m thinking about getting a dog, which might help me be more active… it’s sort of a stressful process though… which is why i am putting it off.

in the meantime I might get a fit desk for my birthday which would help me get exercise during all my computer time (there’s a lot of it)

so I think it’s a good idea.

but that was an old idea…

new idea????

ummm…

well i def want to start exercising in the morning… as soon as i wake up do some cardio stuff like dancing and some sit ups.

once i get the fit desk i can continue my computer routine & exercise at the same time.

I would like to buy a good commuter bike… I have a great cruiser that is great for slow comfy rides but I’d like to buy a good commuter bike for getting places faster. something that isn’t showy but i can ride around town on.

soo… 2 bikes i want to buy: indoor exercise bike and outdoor commuter bike 13 months ago

154! ugh! not sure what i am doing wrong… should get my period in about a week so that’s part of it… should lose a pound or two after that, but i was down into the 140’s a month ago or so…

i think a big part of it was what happened with a. grabbing my boobs… it affected me emotionally and sort of made me “scared” to be pretty…

i don’t know how to stop those feelings… and feel ok to be pretty.

I want to take the self-defense class again…

anyways, I am thinking about doing the “bike to work” thing and getting some breakfast…

and biking to yoga.

however, today was going to be my “hang out at home” day… i need to clean the house…

however i would like to get some yummy new leaf breakfast…

umm…

i am feeling like i lost all my weight loss motivation. probably PMS stuff… but also just ugh.

i don’t know what?

ok:

I am craving: bacon.

solution: buy a pack of bacon, but freeze most of it (buy ziplock)

and cook brussels sprouts with small pieces of bacon and cranberries.

I am going to do that today.

aaaaand…

what else am i craving?

banana bread…

I will buy some ripe bananas (somewhere?) maybe at trader joes…

buy: walnuts, vanilla (unless i have some…), dates,

I would really like something warm and baked… out of the oven… but i don’t want to make a whole baked thing… then i will want to eat all of it.

maybe i can buy a whole grain bagel… with low fat cream cheese and lox (of course!) (just a little cream cheese…)

that might satisfy my “baked” cravings… i can ask for it toasted.

i hate to shop at restaurants though.

I haven’t had much energy lately too…

what i really need to do is keep the computer OUT of the bedroom. it just shouldn’t be allowed in there at all. and i should be in bed ready to sleep by 9.

soooo….

what is good motivation to keep the computer OUT of the bedroom?

how can i reward myself tomorrow if I keep the computer OUT of the bedroom?

ok, if the computer stays out of the bedroom, (all day & all night) then I get to… what? not food.

ideas for rewards:

1) buy a new book
2) cook a new recipe (healthy)
3) go on a date (eg if I keep the computer out of the bedroom all day & night today then… I get to ask giovanni to dance next week & ask him to get a taco??) or at least to dance…
4) going for a walk is a good reward! I can walk with my friend!

:) 13 months ago

154…

feeling frustrated. will be getting PMS soon which always makes it harder to lose weight.

really want to be down in the 140s and it’s feeling like it’s never gonna happen.

I feel like I have to make a dramatic change… but i don’t know how. i guess i just have to keep trying… and it’ll eventually happen.

don’t give up!

weight loss goal for today:

I did not go to the weight loss support group (I wasn’t sure how much it cost…) but I emailed the director and I will probably go next month!

:)

idea for today…

clean out the fridge.

cook vegetables (brussels sprouts w/ cranberries & bacon)

plan to cook a “real” food every week… i.e. a flavorful healthy recipe. 13 months ago

152

I would like to get into the 140’s… I’m not sure what it would take to get there…

I am going to talk to my mom about getting the fit desk so when I am at my computer I will be exercising…

and I want to work on eating smaller meals… no more of that “stuffed feeling”

so I am eating to get that sort of “eating rush” or “eating high” that you get after eating a big meal. or that good feeling from eating junk food…

obviously after you eat a healthy meal you feel good, so it’s not like i want to remove all pleasure from eating… I want to eat beautiful, healthy meals and enjoy it… but I just also want to no longer eat more than i need to get that “stuffed” feeling which is satisfying, but not necessary.

i think this would really help with weight loss. it’s hard because it really feels natural to eat a LOT… as much as i can basically… but i want to change that habit. 13 months ago

152…

would love to get down to 149. it seems really hard. i feel like i need an extra kick in the pants. i think if i had a fit desk that would really help. i am going to talk to my mom about it in our family therapy.

:)

our next appt is on friday. 13 months ago

151 this morning…

since it’s summer and there’s lots of ripe amazing fruit (melons) I want to really take advantage of it and eat as much fruit as possible. I read that people who eat fruit actually have really low BMI’s and close to ideal body weight.

soooo…. I want to really eat a TON of fruit. Every time I go to the grocery store, I want to just hang out in the fruit section and really look at all the fruit and think… what looks good to me?? and just eat a ton of fruit. yum. 13 months ago

edit: re-weighed myself, at 152. 13 months ago

back to 154 this morning!? how can i gain 4 lbs overnight? i guess because i ate a HUGE bowl of fruit right before bed…

and i only slept 7 hours. less than usual. I am considering another meetup hike, this one even longer… 8 1/2 miles and 1,800 ft elevation change.

I’m not sure I can do it… but i want to.

idea for losing weight:

*go to hike today
OR
go to tai chi & bike to bluegrass festival (I would kind of rather do this) & bring a ton of fruit…

OR
clean the whole house (for relaxation…) 13 months ago

down to 150! only 1 pound away! if I can get down to 149 I’ll be at a healthy BMI!

woo!

yay!

so things are pretty good.

idea for today:

landscaper is coming at 8:30… and at 10:30

-go for a little walk before 8:30, clean the kitchen.
-buy mouse traps so I feel safer in the kitchen
-make a new goal for 10 min abs in May.
-Think about joining “the healthy way” or going to a nutrition consultation w/ jocelyn. 13 months ago

bmi 13 months ago

Feeling good to be at 151… can’t wait to be in the 140’s!!!

not exercising today though… today isn’t much of a “healthy” day… instead focusing on my finances, which is good too. going over old health bills. and thinking about paperwork and cleaning the house.

sitting on hold…

still, dealing with money stuff means less stress ultimately (hopefully)

sooo…

weight loss idea for today:

-take a nap
-go to massage
-put out mouse traps even though i think the mouse is gone… just in case!
-eat veggies & egg 13 months ago

152! down 2 pounds from my 154 of yesterday which is a BIG relief. whew! 154 was getting SCARY.

My BMI is still just a little too high. Maybe my goal is too vague? It’s hard to know exactly where I want to be, because I’m not sure I want to be at 149 on my home scale, or “really” 149 on my home scale (means re-taring my scale to zero) or 149 at the dr’s office… even tougher.

but i’ll settle for around 149 or lower (maybe 145) at home for now… or even 149.

ideally i’d like to be 149 at the dr’s office.

that’s my ultimate goal. to be 149 at the dr’s office i need to weigh probably about 140 on my home scale (even at the tare it’s at now)...

which means losing another 12 pounds. it’s a lot!!

anyways…

weight loss idea for today!?

is…

eat a healthy breakfast: eggs, black beans and asparagus.

eat a BIG lunch (?)

and small dinner.

keep up with the food journal! 13 months ago