start living

Okay, so I think , since I have nothing else to do, I think I’m going to stop permanently I need to stop playing Sims, that games is so addicted but I’m going to try to stop that and do that other things, that can’t be name.LOL But the thing that is motivating me is that life is short, and that is my motivation. So I need to have more will power I guess.Life is a constant struggle , and I don’t want to quit, not now and not ever. So, no more playing Sims, that is my number one thing right there, and no more doing other stuff, that I tried a thousands time, again and again to quit. This is the new me, that positive, gurl, and don’t lose her temper all the time. I’m gonna start living. Everyday is another chance to turn your life around.

Okay, heres what I know about myself, I suffer from depression. And I know I do and I don’ t have anything in my life to be depress about. I thought I was done with this , but I am not. I know for a fact that if I ever had a baby, I will truely suffers from depression. I don’t want to waste my life. I need a wake up call , and I need to do it for myself, I can’t keep wasting my life. I know that. I need to start living . I need to make the impact to want to change my life and start changing it, so for now on, I’m going to try to be more optismitis and not waste a day of my life, or be held up in this room, I don’t care how much I love it. I need to be the change that I want in my life. Its gonna be a constant battle, because I need to save my life and start living, because no one is going to live my life for me. So I need to make the change. WISH ME LUCK

i have figured out tons of thing each day that i want to or should be doing, but for some reason i lack the energy or motivation to get out of bed and do any of it! i want to just START living !!!

What do you do when you thought you had the answer; but you have just been living a lie. I exist, I go through the motions, my boyfriend of over 16 years is a crack addict, I thought I understood the disease but he relapsed again and it just keeps bringing me down, I wanted to support him in his recovery but I feel like he isn’t even trying anymore, no he is once again homeless I know I can not have him live with me, he just brings me down even more because I feel helpless, so thats my life, I do nothing anymore, I work, I pretend to be happy I don’t visit with my family, I lost touch with all my friends, I’m 41 years old, and well thats it

I feel like poop. I’m depressed and bummed out and hurt. Why all those things? Because I feel left out/left behind by my friends. So on my bus ride home tonight, I’m going to call my friend Amy. Neither of us have been good at keeping up with one another, and I hate it. I hate how non-existent our relationship has become. I need to change this. I also just emailed a friend to see if she wanted to meet for lunch some day soon.

My friend said to me today “In life, I want to be the flame, not the moth.” I need to adopt this.

I am slowly working on this goal; I feel it is an all-encompassing goal, like the title of an opinion piece in a newspaper, and my other goals are just the by-lines.

It’s now been exactly two months since he broke up with me. I didn’t think I’d survive this long. And it’s scary to think this much time has passed. Most days I feel like an amputee, or a dog who’s lost his master; I wander through the hours accomplishing what I must, but always searching for that which I miss most. Him.

I still don’t have enough money saved up to buy a car; which is my first goal. Not that I think my life will change drastically when I get one, but it will give me a sense of greater freedom. I need to get out of the house more. Not that I want to go cruising bars or anything like that; but if I don’t, my parents will drive me insane. I figure the more I stay out of the house, the less they can become dependent on me. We’ll see if this plan works.

I know I need to rekindle friendships, and I feel the need to make new friends. All my my “old” friends are getting married, moving to the edges of the city, and just don’t have time for our old group anymore. They also don’t understand my situation. I had originally told them I didn’t want to talk about it, and now that I do, they don’t want to hear it. Or, that’s how the situation appears to me.

I also know that I’m unhealthily wrapped up in this whole me & FB thing. I need to devote more time to ME. That’s one of the reasons we fell apart in the first place; I tried to make him my everything. And now I’m so focused on us getting back together….although I can at least see the error of my ways here. I’m going to do my best to not call or email him for three days. I emailed him last night; I called him today….so now nothing until Wednesday. So expect a lot of posts here. ;-)

Ultimately, I know that if I want to see change, I have to BE change. It’s just hard to take the first baby steps out of one’s safely constructed cocoon.

I have realised that I hate my life. I hate most things about it. I want to start again. Totally new, like a re-birth but in doing that I would have to let go of the one thing I love in my life. In order to leave behind the life I’m living now… The life I hate and contemplate ending the final way… so many times a day… I really need a re-birth but there are so many things that are a part of me physically that I dont think I can ever recover… But I want to try… I want to try and start again with my boyfriend… start my life over again, and this time make it good… not give in to the things in my head telling me to hate myself and my life… I want to fight them and I want to start now.

i want to start loving my life . first go get a life . i want to smile more often than what i do now.
i want to become a child again.
go bak in time .
re -do things which has spoilt my today.
i want to read .Read all the books that were ever written.