This goal on hiatus until after Easter. Need to Mourn G. 2 months ago

I don’t know if this goal is don,e but it may be close on its way. I’m pretty sure I have a boyfriend. I may ave gotten tricked into a relationship, even though it’s the very very beginning. I like G. I think he likes me too. I won’t need to hang out with more grown up boys because he really is one. 5 months ago

So M just messaged me on fb. MY first reaction was that i was pissed. It was so nonchalant and like “here’s my number, oyu can call if you want. It infuriated me. He went crazy dramatic last time i texted me and now he’s like, “yea text me anytime”. And i think he’s still with his girlfriend, so it makes me think that he’s annoyed with her and talking to me to get back at her or something? or jhust hasn’t heard from me in a while and is curious? espeically since it’s the holidays, maybe he’s in CT. I dunno. It was weird, bt more importantly, real pisses me off. Deep down i know the best revenge is to not answer. Hey, I really can’t until I get back frmo Thanksgiving. Ugh. M just pisses me off now…but a little part of me is curious…. 6 months ago

So I’m really liking G. We’ve been seeing each other for about a month, and have hung out….maybe 8 or 9 times. Friday was a little bit of an off night for both of us, so I got worried that “that was a wrap”, but I should have trusted myself and our conenction more than giving up just when it went off one night. We hung out yesterdya and just went shoes shopping, walked around the mall. It was a really good time. Hopfeully I can hang in there until Dec, maybe the 14 is a stretch…..but still….haha 6 months ago

S is such a grown up boy. Such a man. He really impressed me last night, taking me out to Max’s Oyster Bar. I really like him. Can’t believe the awful timing of it all : ( 8 months ago

Went out with S tonight…...please don’t let this be a reason I regret Virginia….. 9 months ago

So last night was amazing. I ran into S, my first boyfriend from when I was 14 years old at the bar. He was so sweet, treated me with so much respect, but also has grown up and really stepped up and treated me like a man. and I was able to fall back into that feminine womanly role with him around. It was also cool to see N and G, they haven’t changed all that much in the past 10 years. It has literally been over 10 years since S and i dated and we got to spend last night together : )

He’s also taking me out to dinner on Wednesday. A part of me was really sure that I could up and move to Virginia in a manner of weeks with no regrets. I have no boyfriend, my family doesn’t particularly need me here, and I love my friends but they will be fine…..but meeting S again…...well I might just move to Virginia with him as that one regret….. 9 months ago

Last night I hung out with M. It literally been exactly a year since I last saw him. I thought I’d be fine. I thought we’d be “just friends” hanging out. But I have real feelings for him. I have “marry me” love towards him. First we played pool together for a couple of hours. I won 9 games, he won 2. Haha. Then we went to his old high school. He got to listen in on people screaming from a family that he used to know pretty well. He seemed intrigued. Then we played truth or dare, talked a bit, and took a walk around the track a few times. It was a great night, and I’m nervous a bit becuase ALL of my feelings towards him came back. ALL of them. And it hurts that things will never work out because of where we live. And it hurts that I don’t think he will ever “come get me”. But last night, like other times in the past, I had recognized him as my husband. Now I realize how pale every interaction has been with other pmen in the past. And he’ll leave tommorrow and it will be another year until I see him again. So this is how it’s got to be. Puzzling. 11 months ago

Last night at pool there was a guy on the other team that I thought was sooooo attractive. I don’t believe he was there with another girl, I think that he was single but I couldn’t be sure. The entire night I was so aware of him in the room. I alwasy knew where he was. I kind of exchanged a few words with him but nothing that he will probably remember. I was also tired and bummy and wasn’t playing that well. And the fact that he was there…...I was just so intrigued by him. If I ever see him again I want to make more of an impression. As for now, I just wished I wasn’t so scared to interact with him. I kept looking at him then dropping my gaze, I hope nobody noticed. 12 months ago

So today at the gym I had the first “real” conversation with E. IT was nice because I’ve been so damn aware of him every since I “re introduced” myself to him. and this convo didn’t seem fake or rushed or anything. IT was nice. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself, but it was a quick “getting to know you” convo. 15 months ago

Ok so since I (re)introduced myself E I talked to him again today. Althoguh the weirdest thing was that even though I’m intrigued by him, I find myself controling hte conversation and ending it prematurely. I’m sure it could annoy him. Why do I do this? IT’s like I need to control the situation beucase I’m a little nervous becuase I think he’s cute. MEh. Maybe I do this quite often. Lately I have not been open to talking to other guys. At least I’m talking to some guys with no expectations of it going anywhere. I need to keep this mindset and just be open to love. Like Ben F The Bachelor was talking about last night. haha. I know it;s a silly reality show, but I bet if I did a little more self reflection I oculjd see that I haven’t realy been open lately. Must work on this. 15 months ago

Today after class I had a nice conversation with C. Someone told me once a while ago that he was in a committed realztionship but thats fine. I’m not looking to pursue him. It was just ncie to talk to him, he’s very attractice and mellow/quiet. It was probably the first real conversation we have had. He went our serperate ways then there was another guy and we were waiting for the elevator together. I ended up saying something completely stupid. Idon’t even know if he understood what i meant to say, but I felt so embarrassed about it later. I’m doing some self reflectionand realizing that it really is harder for me to talk to guys. I need to practice more to expenad my comfort zone, even if I feel silly or say something stupid. 15 months ago

This goal also includes learning to befriend men and not xhange myself for them. Today we picked group members to be apart of, and in my calsses it’s always OVERLOADED with females. I have a cute Scottlish guy in my class and when I changed seats to get together in our gorup, I could fel a subtle shift in my personality. Like, I wanted to impress him. He innocently led our group to assume he was married or in a committed relationship and I reacted to it. I don’t even know if I would like him, it’s just that he was….availible and there and I feel myself changing becasue of his presence. It’s hard to articulate but to remedy this I need to become friends with more men. Just friends, with no expectation of anything more so talking with them (NOT dating them) becomes more natural. 16 months ago

So on Friday night S and I tried going out in West HArtford because appartently that’s where “grown up boys” hang out. We went to Cuvee (which I kinda loathe) for some food and martini’s. It was ok, but we didn’t talk to or meet anyone new although I did run into C.

Then we went to an irish pub afterwards. I really enjoyed it. S had a stick up her ass and kept commenting on all the young people there. Well that’s becasue she only focused on the younger people! Her atitiude drives me nuts sometimes. 16 months ago