not be afraid of roaches

I went outside last night to check something and there was one of the big roaches on the patio. I wasn’t scared at all, I just stepped on it and when I removed my foot I could see the icky white guts (ugh) oozing out of it. It was interesting that I felt no fear.

So the really weird part is that I then felt kind of bad for taking its life.

i’m soooo freaked out of roaches, once this big cockroach ran over my sister’s foot in this hotel in texas, and it was on the wall in the morning, i was literally squeezing up against the other wall to avoid it. eeeeeeeeeew! i need practice.

I am so scared of roaches. There is a reason they are here though. Outside in the forest, in your backyard, anywhere outside.. They eat the fallen leaves on the ground and this may seem gross but when they go to the bathroom (not pee) they fertilize the soil. One time I was playing on the computer and this big tree roach came up on my desk. It turned around and kinda looked at me. I have a swivel chair and i backed away then it started flying toward me then when it got halfway there i slapped it onto the ground then i got my flashlight and raid spray and looked around for it and i sprayed it and put the can on top of it. I cant beleive i actually touched it!! GROSS!! Usually I stay clear of roaches. I’m afraid to open the door or go outside at night. I’m also afraid of Junebugs.. I do NOT know why.. They just look creepy.. Anyway, I usually don’t even want to kill them. I have to get someone else to do it usually..

I have an irrational fear of roaches. I’m fine with other bugs, but not roaches. I scream and have to kill them when I see one. Not content to use bug spray, I use paint stripper or tile cleaner. I know, I feel very bad causing the critters to suffer like that, but that’s why it’s a phobia that I need to over come.

I got up in the morning and discovered a huge one in the bathroom tub. Thankfully it stayed in the tub. (It could have flown at me. Yuck!) I got my can of Raid and sprayed it over and over again. I did not do more because John would be home soon. He works nights. I hung out in living room waiting for John’s arrival. He dealt with the problem and I didn’t need to do anything.
I can’t allow the roach to just crawl away. I have to know it is dead and flushed. I always figure it is a pregnant female come in to lay her eggs to populate my home.

At Uni, there are roaches everywhere at night. At first, I was a little freaked out. Now I can walk right past them. :D

I have experienced near-total roach relief in the past few weeks. My landlord hired someone new to handle trash disposal in the building, and the problem disappeared overnight.

HOWEVER, yesterday, as I was cleaning up my bedroom, I discovered a roach the size of a mouse. My roaches were all very small before! I jumped, I screamed, I shook uncontrollably. I can normally squash roaches, but this one was way too terrifying. All I managed was to squeal, “please leave!”. Then I ran out of the room. Hopefully, it left. I haven’t seen it since.

So, the roach update: Landlord (big evil corporation) claims that building (owned by separate big evil corporation) is responsible for pest control. Much drama about who I should call. I send fax to landlord and say “just fix it, please!” Strange man is sent to my apartment. Strange man is not an exterminator. Strange man is the super of the building down the street. Claims he is doing me a “favor”. Claims he can do nothing about roaches, but tells me to call my super and “take a day off from work while he fixes the situation.” Huh? Strange man asks me what I pay in rent, and claims that I have a good deal. He tells me that he, his wife and 2 kids all live in an apartment smaller than mine. I feel awkwardly guilty that my apartment is so large. Strange man messily repairs a broken tile in my bathroom.

Roaches disappear mysteriouly one day later! No exterminator ever visits. Since the landlord, the super and the strange man do not have keys to my apartment, I know that no extermination has happened. Maybe the roaches just feel sorry for me? Maybe the strange man was a healer of some sort?

Landlord sends new lease. Rent is much higher. Begin to suspect conspiracy.

I know my fear of those dog-sized minions of Satan is irrational. I have even done enough work to know why I have this phobia. I’m tired of working on it, though. This is the one problem I have that I could really leave behind if I moved so why spend anymore time and energy erasing this problem when I have so many other fears that really mess with my life every day.

Who refuses to be helpful, and doesn’t return calls! I need a professsional exterminator! Am calling landlord again this morning.