Timothy —- ——,
I never thought i would be saying this to you. Or atleast saying this now, but i feel like i have to. I have to tell you before i regret forever not telling you. Because if i tell you, ill know you know exactly how i feel, but if i dont, ill always wonder what would of come if i had told you. So here goes nothing, and FYI if you are reading this, it took alot to give this to you, so appricate each word of this. I love you. I honestly and really love you, with all my heart. Not in the little girl i love you please tell me you love me back way, but the deep down honest to god love you. I have never felt this way about any other guy before. Not even justin and i dated him for 2 years. I love being with you, i love talking to you, i love your adorable dimples and gorgeous blue eyes. I love the stupid little half smile you make all the time. When i first met you i knew there was something about you, as you played basketball with alex i couldnt stop watching you, its not because you were stuningly gorgeous(no offense =P) but i could tell you were going to mean something to me in the future, i didnt know what or when but i could tell. I had never gotten that feeling before when i first met a guy, it was weird and quit annoying actually. I never spent more then 2 weeks on a guy, i found it quit pointless, i thought hey im young, why waste all my time with one guy when theres a million out there. But the more time that passed the more i fell for you. It was like, that occasional time i got to see you made me fall for you even harder. At first it annoyed me, because i didnt like being so attatched to one guy, but it got better and better. I slowly started to fall in love with you. But i refused to show it completely, i thought if you knew i loved you you would A) take complete advantage of that and hurt me B)Things between us would be awkward or C) you would stop talking to me because you didnt like that i liked to you so much. but now i dont care anymore whether you like it or not, i mean i hope you do, but if you dont oh well, thats life right? But im sick of hiding this, im sick of pretending, its not easy to love you. And i dont mean its hard to keep loving you, its just tiring. It kills me that i hardly ever see you. I wish i could see you atleast once a week. Its never been so easy to be with a guy like it is with you. You make me smile and laugh so easily, when its quit between us it isnt uncomfortable like it is with other people. Through all the shit I could never walk away from you, and that told me alot. Iv wanted nothing more then to make you happy, to show you what i can do for you, and be for you. Despit what anyone else thinks about you i think your absolutely handsom. Iv never found a guy as attractive as iv found you. I dont care what other people think about you because what they think doesnt matter to me, they dont have to be happy with who you are, i do, and i am. But despite all this, i cant keep playing this guessing game with you. You want to talk to me or you dont, if you dont wanna talk to me, fine, if you just wanna be friends, thats great, if you want to be something more thats amazing(i know that ones not true but i had to throw it in there) but it just drains the energy out of me sitting around guessing what you want me to do. Iv done all i can think of or know to do, just tell me what you want from me Tim because im outa guesses, i really really am. I want to do everything i can, but i cant just sit around and guess anymore, iv been doing that for 3 years. Tears, laughs, smiles and all im a tough girl, atleast i try, through everything iv been through with the asshole guys iv ended myself with, it takes alot to hurt me on the outside. I dont want excuses or bullshit just to not hurt me or sound like an ass, iv been doing this for 3 years, i can handle anything, to a fault i suppose. I dont know what else to say i guess. I still cant believe im writing this, i never thought i would have the courage to tell you all this, but i guess theres a first for everything, and here goes mine. I kind of feel like an idiot but oh well, atleast its all out there now. Again im not telling you this because i want you to tell me you love me or anything, I dont love you so you’ll love me, i do because…well hell i dont even know why i love you so much, but i cant stop as much as iv ever tried. Im just letting you know how i feel before i lose the chance to ever let you know. I guess im done.
Now lets see if i actually get the courage to send this to you.
No matter what happens ill always love you in one way or another, ill always care about you, and ill always be here for whatever you need.
<3 Allora —-—-—-
I feel better, and now, no matter what happens, i’ll always know, he knows how i feel or felt at some point in my life about him. Deff worth doing.
