Yesterday appears to have been more emotionally draining that I thought. The stress of ending things with G and not having the PP process go as would like have affected me more than I thought. Yesterday’s talk with the ADHD doc brought up a lot of old emotions too, so getting out of bed this morning was difficult and addressing my to do list was almost impossible. My elephant had nothing to give today… 1 week ago

My Elephant didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. In fact, I think I’d probably still be there except for the need to pee. Sigh. I don’t know why. Yesterday was very productive and my Rider took care last night to prep the path against many of my Elephant’s issues. But this morning, my Elephant couldn’t be budged and now my schedule’s gone all to hell. 3 weeks ago

today. A series of small frustrations made the day progressively more frustrating until the Elephant refused to go to the Transition Seminar being offered one of the placement companies I’ve been working with. It is in Alexandria which would have been an hour’s drive one way and I was just done after the hair appointment.

I’m not sure if I missing out on a networking event or just an evening of rehashing how to present myself to potential employers. I was just at the end of things and with the rain, the Rider just didn’t have the fortitude to override the weariness, uncertainty and skittishness of the Elephant. 4 months ago

It’s weird. It seems as if the world has shifted and all the old hard things have become easy. I don’t remember doing anything differently; things just seem different. I remember this after the accident. It just wasn’t the same in a good way. I understood that shift better, nearly dying can put thing in perspective. But this, I don’t. There’s less internal bickering and convincing required. Things that would have sent me into fits of rage or made me turn around and leave, don’t.

Elephant is happy. Rider is happy. Path is working.

I’m happy. 9 months ago

I’m supposed to go to a Meetup.com thing in about 1.5 hours and I’m reconsidering because I don’t know how to the Metro station. I’ve been there several times, but either in the company of someone who knows the way or by cab. This time I’d be walking alone and the last time I tried to take a local cab, I couldn’t communicate with the cabbie. So although I’d like to meet some other local English speakers who aren’t a part of my company; both elephant and rider are intimidated by the path to get there. 11 months ago

It’s been a stressful 2 weeks and a taxing (but not bad) day today. Nearing midnight and not feeling tired, I’m still having trouble doing my color game which means I’ve run out of self-control for today and should probably go read in bed. The funny thing about my elephant is she can still stubbornly insist on doing things the rider is telling she doesn’t have to do. Elephants are stubborn like that.

_{And that’s probably a self-control issue in and of itself…}11 months ago

Elephant was in a fowl mood today. Nearly didn’t get out of bed, thinking work was going to be even more quiet and boring than it had been the previous 2 days. Not even close. The phone and e-mail both exploded, giving Elephant a really good opportunity to skip out on the tire change plan for the day. That also was upsetting with the level of difficulty in conveying the nice Korean man: take of the winter tires/wheel; put on the summer tires/wheel, finally replaces those tires with the new ones. Being told it wasn’t possible and that the didn’t have the right equipment. Huh? I left written instructions which were followed up with 2 more phone calls, explaining again what needed to happen with the tires on the car, those in the car and the new ones. I’d never have guessed tires were so complicated…

Now Elephant has decided to forego healthy dinner for junk and deeply considering not cleaning the pile of dirty dishes from the uneaten yet cooked dinner. She is nursing a nasty swelling and bruising on the right index finger and thinking it’s nothing a little alcohol on ice won’t fix up. Ugh, what a day. 12 months ago

I got up on time this morning and called my mom. I got to work as planned and although I skipped out on the exercise I had scheduled (I’m blaming the rain and chill for not wanting to swim), I got my other 3 must do’s done. I’m feeling ultra productive and positive, which is weird for me, and wondering how long this will last. 12 months ago

It seems that when I feel positive about life in general, my Elephant seems more malleable and cooperative. Another reason to keep a positive outlook? 13 months ago

Each morning there’s an argument which my Elephant wins for most of the morning: Why should I get out of bed? My Rider can say, “Because the alarm is going off,” or “we have a lot of stuff to do,” or a million other different AND TRUE things which my Elephant scoffs at. My Elephant knows how long the alarm goes before it self-snoozes and how many times it goes off before it turns off. Plus she’s really good at just staying asleep as it goes off. From year’s of watching my Elephant’s behaviors, I know there is very little I can do (alarms, having coffee auto-brewing, etc) which will catch her attention and make her want to leave the lovely snuggliness of bed. So the question is what new thing can I use to shape the path so my Elephant is happy to get out of bed when my Rider wants? 13 months ago

I almost drove into Seoul today. I know better but taking the bus seemed like such a hassle so I almost drove to the hospital. Good thing I didn’t. I had to forgo my morning coffee for the blood work and then the slight invasive procedure was really invasive. I wouldn’t have been much for navigating Korean road ways after. I made a great choice today to ride the bus. That way neither my Elephant or her Rider had to deal with anything until noon. 13 months ago

equals self-love. I just realized it’s very important to do things to keep my Elephant healthy and in shape. If I don’t, she’ll eventually wither up and I won’t be to experience or enjoy the emotional side of life. My Rider will end up bitter because she has to do all the work herself and won’t have the joy of riding the Elephant in wild and crazy fits of passion. Wow. 13 months ago

Yesterday, I should have picked up the phone and asked the boss to give me the day off. My Rider is tired of the stupidity going on around me at work and my Elephant fights the path that leads to work every day. If I’m lucky it’s only for about 15 minutes. On Friday, it was a 3 hour battle intertwined with ugly, nasty dreams. I should have just acknowledged my Elephant wasn’t going to be at all cooperative with anything yesterday, but my Rider felt responsible. I went in to work… and my Elephant lost it. It’s been a while and I’d forgotten just how strong she is, so it was a good thing T dragged me from the office in the afternoon and watched over me for the rest of the day. It’s good to have friends when Rider and Elephant are both too exhausted to go on. 13 months ago

Rider and Elephant. It’s called color match and it SUCKS!!! But it also seems to be working. The word on the left is the color you’re looking for on the right. Left arrow if they don’t match; right arrow if they do. It doesn’t really seem like training that will synch up Rider and Elephant. The description says it does and they have been playing well together of late. 14 months ago

and the Rider and Elephant both seem very agreeable of late. I’ve been getting better about doing my daily tasks and have been getting up a little earlier every day. I’m very excited and feeling positive about this as a way to get my life in order. I don’t feel behind any more and I seem to have more personal time. Now I just have to use that time even more productively! 14 months ago

I’m exhausted. Today was particularly tough with the elephant running rampant with a nasty attitude. All the old habits were out in full public view. And I’m not sure why she’s going crazy or what to do about it… My rider is feeling pretty helpless at the moment. 14 months ago

As I again ignored my alarm this morning, it came to me: I’ve used up all my self control. I spent it getting up to go into a job I’d rather not do every morning. I’ve been forcing the issue for 6 years now. In fact, I just told S that it takes an act of inspiration every day to get up and go in to work on time. So I shouldn’t be surprised that my Rider has no energy left to convince my Elephant to go to the gym, the pool or for a run; she spent it all getting out of bed. 14 months ago

So I utterly failed to do any gym/exercise stuff today. Lots of little things sort of coalesced but what it came down to is that my Elephant didn’t feel like it.

I know I sound sort of crazy but this is part of the Switch book. It talks about human psychology which has gotten referred to a lot of different ways, example: the id, ego and super ego; consciousness and unconsciousness, etc. In Switch, they refer to it as the Rider (rational) and the Elephant (emotional) which explains why the rational side often loses out to the emotional side. The few bites of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia becomes the whole pint. One chocolate chip cookie becomes 5. The Elephant is bigger and stronger.

So this morning, the elephant ignored the alarm (yes, I can sleep through alarms going off or fall back to sleep fairly quickly) and this evening the elephant was cranky due to a walk in visit to the dentist for a cracked tooth. I’d like to say differently but my Rider was just completely taken out by the pain of having a hard piece of plastic shoved under my tongue 3 times and then the crack being pressed rather hard by the dentist…

So, here’s my problem, my Elephant doesn’t like going to the gym. My Rider knows how great I feel and look when I go to the gym and can explain the health benefits ad nausea but none of that convinces the Elephant. Furthermore, I can’t shape the Path well to keep Elephant on it without a lot of extra effort by the Rider. The gym and the pool are neither on my way anywhere. The pool is only available from about 1 PM to 7 PM and not on Tuesday so it’s more complicated to schedule which annoys the Elephant and taxes the Rider. Weight training is confusing to the Rider so she feels intimated by going and doesn’t have the energy to convince the Elephant to just go. I used to manage that with a personal trainer but that’s no longer an option. Plus the Elephant HATES the cold which is how it’s been here for the last 2 months. So that leaves me at square 1: how do I get the Elephant excited about swimming, running and doing weight training? I’m stuck. 15 months ago