Recover from my love addiction

it’s been 2.5 years since I fell for this guy. i tried too many things in between.. i stopped communication.. I got married.. I talked to him directly to get refused… and still i am not over… what is wrong with me? Why isn’t any measure working? I am feeling like I am terribly cursed.

DELETED ALL CONTACT DETAILS, IN CASE I FEEL TEMPTED.

I’M MADLY, TOTALLY UNDER HIS SPELL, NOT IN CONTROL OF MY FEELINGS AT ALL. TEXTED AND CALLED SEVERAL TIMES EARLIER TODAY, BUT FINALLY SENT A MESSAGE TO APOLOGIZE (WHO AM I KIDDING, THAT WAS YET ANOTHER CONTACT) AND PROMISED TO STOP HARASSING HIM.

MY INSIDES ARE SCREAMING FOR HIM, I CANT SEE LIFE WITHOUT HIM. AND STILL I KNOW ITS NOT HIM I WANT, IS THE FEELING OF BEING TOTALLY IN LOVE AND TOTALLY LOVED. iT COULD BE ANYONE I GUESS. AT THE MOMENT IT IS HIM!

This is a revelation to me! I didn’t know until a week ago I’m a love addict!

Ordered literature, looking into internet and SLAA, I’m in the very beginning.

Thank You for the other who’s entries I just read.

I was actually on YouTube, favoriting videos, when I came across Tori Amos’ “China”. Great, heartbreaking song, sang along with it back in high school. I scrolled down through the comments. Someone commented that this song was about being in love with “what we clinicians call a ‘love avoidant’”. Huh? Googled Love Avoidant (reminds me of my current relationship….) and one thing led to another led me to this site, to this topic. And now I am overwhelmed instead of just meloncholy on a Friday night.

I feel like crying reading these entries - I’m really not the only one! I go to Al-Anon meetings, but it’s not the same. Nobody there understands Love Addiction, it seems. And when I say love addiction to some people, they think I’m talking about sex addiction! Arrgghhh. Jadexjess - everytime my guy calls me, I think he wants to get back together again. And when I ask him his intentions, he says “I don’t want to talk about it!” And I let him back in again. My self-esteem takes a dive, because he disappears two weeks, three weeks, maybe a month afterwards. I’ve quit my job so I don’t have to see him everyday. Wish me luck. I don’t think I can ever trust him again, so why do I think we can ever get back together again? It’s CRAZY. It hurts. Ugh.