I’ve had one week so far without anyone telling me what i should and shouldn’t do all the time and checking in with me constantly, stressing me out in my worst time.
It’s been nice. I stopped grinding my teeth as much, i applied to 20 something jobs at my own pace, i’m figuring out how to survive and its a little more peaceful inside my mind.
I’m still scared and sad and alone sometimes, but its better to feel it when i want to instead of constantly getting beat down with negativity and reminded of my own responsibilities. And having all of my decisions judged and dreams and spirit messed with and shattered.
I miss talking about normal things like… something educational or funny or interesting news or spiritual… things that would raise my spirit. But i guess that relationship will never exist again, so i’ll just move on. It’s obvious i’m not invited or wanted or important or worth the effort to consider my feelings. Basic ones and respect that any human being should have. Personal boundaries and respect of space.
I was sick of being judged. How fat i was all the time, how many times a week i work out, how many hours of sleep i did or didn’t get, if i paid my bills, etc. My blood tests say i’m healthy, i work out as often as i can, my bills are barely paid, i try my best and miraculously things come together sometimes and really it’s none of your business and my life. Are you helping me pay my bills? No. It was constant and circular and i freaked out.
I don’t have any assistance with food now, so i’ll try a food bank.
It’s also my birthday soon. Happy birthday i guess?
Constant nerve damage.
Getting food from a food pantry that truly cares and has compassion and gives it freely for the right reasons is how the world is supposed to work.
It’s sad strangers are nicer and more compassionate than family members sometimes.
I hope i can heal from all of this quickly and move on in the right direction already.
It would be nice to hear an i’m sorry for meddling with your life and stepping all over your personal everything despite your constant “no, please don’t”s but i know they’ll never ever see it that way. 9 months ago