achievements

I am used to the night shift, I have always loved nights.
I have adjusted to not seeing my girls as much as I used to or want to but I am making more effort to call, text, email and make dinner dates.
I have made some acquaintances and a friend or two with some of my peers and I am comfortable with them.
I am looking forward to school next week and this Jazz class. It will take all of my attention for the next month but the subject matter is exciting to me.
I have a great exercise plan that I am tweaking to make work.
I have some great books to read regarding some of my goals and still very excited about a lot of them.

working issues

I still need to make more friends or get in touch with old ones. Since I made manager some of those people I used to work with are not the best candidates as it could create some conflict.

Finding it difficult to get excited about fixing up my apartment when all I can think about is buying a property of my own. Torn between buying new furniture and saving for a house.

Still think there is an underlying depression that I can not pinpoint. Lack of motivation, difficulty starting and finishing projects I don’t feel sad, that’s what makes it so difficult to understand. Or perhaps I just won’t let myself feel that sadness. I think sadness scares me. I think that since I have had nobody ever to lean on, that I could not trust anybody to really be there for me, that I am afraid to let go as nobody will catch me when I fall. I know I can catch myself but that it still scares me. 10 months ago

getting there, yes I am getting there. 11 months ago

there is some validity about major life change events and the toll they take on you.

I am feeling a bit depressed without a whole lot of reasons why. I have a great new job, making a lot more money, attending a school I love, my girls are all happy and working at being successful in their own life. I HAVE changed shifts and this is a major change for me, I no longer see friends I used to see. And K and I breaking up has left quite a void in my life.

Not sure which of these events is making me feel so depressed, (lonely might be a better word) but free time is not equaling fun.

I have joined a bunch of meetups but they all seem to do things on Friday and Saturday which are the days I work. The one daughter who was very proactive about spending time with me works the completely opposite shift, Sun, Mon, Tues to my Wed, Thus, Fri and other Sat.

Yah, I can see where the holes are, not sure how to fill them, not even the how but the ‘with who’ that stumps me. 13 months ago