have sex again

It’s been a long time but I can’t do it without being in love with the person… last time I had a one-nighter it was awful so no more of that.

not into the whole friends with benefits stuff someone always gets hurt…sooo its been awhile ..its not that i havent had offers its just im done just having sex i want to make love im ready and willing to invest time and feelings into something that i think is worth it…im sure it will be worth it

Not really giving up. It just has ceased to be a goal.

:-)

So, I honestly don’t see this happening for a long time. Honsetly I’m fairly ok with that. It would be nice- Then again so would a relationship, and I don’t see that in the near future eaither. I’m sort of coming to terms with the fact that Karen’s death has fucked me up in a lot of ways, and yes even in ways having to do with this goal. shrug My labido is definitely not gone though, so sometimes my ideas about this goal change.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I want it to be worth doing, and if I rush into things I simply don’t think that it will.

Totally worth it :-)

So, I was supposed to go out with this girl this weekend. That’s a step, right? Not that I don’t care about sex anymore, but it’s really not my number one goal. Top 43? Sure! I don’t see this happening for a while though and I’m pretty ok with that.

Woke up at 4 am. Went back to sleep till now.

I guess all my purging of the Ex is waking up some interesting parts of me…

I had three dreams, as follows:

1. Being (very!) intimate with girl – she was wearing jeans, and I couldn’t see her face but i knew she was beautiful. Only afterwards i realised it was myself.

2. A man (stranger) with the most lovely face (dark stubble under pale skin, beautiful mouth) was tenderly stroking my face. When i looked around me members of my family were in the room.

3. Kissing my Baby, Muse and Guru. Lots of lovely kissing.

Interesting dreams…

the laughter
the intimacey
the sharing
the weariness the next day
the hunger!!!
the touch
the heat
the whole damn thing.

but i don’t miss the bad after-feelings when it wasn’t a good idea in the first place.

next time and every time from then onwards i want the whole package. it’s only good when there’s love.

Made love with someone for the first time. Words fail. I can’t describe it. Better than sex. Different from sex. Hurray.