emphasis on three aspects in ahimsa:
1. loving your self
2. finding a balance in your life
3. not being petty
I’m great at letting things go. Always have been. In fact, some would say that I am too great at letting things be. I like to assume that people have a conscience and have their own minds. I tend to think that we are ultimately directed towards true north even though we often forget. I already know that when we get to the second yama, satya, I’ll have to challenge my thinking on some of this. How do we remain true and pacifist at the same time?
Balance is the area that challenges me the most I think. I have this idea of what the perfect schedule should look like and I think it would get me to places where I have never been but it is hard to perfect it. A part of this is that my priorities in life knock me off center without very many ways to recover. Taking care of my children and responding to their needs and wants get in the way of a balanced life. At the same time, I’d never have it any other way. I also have become aware of just how much time restaurant management takes away from my “other eight hours”. I have to work fifty and tend to work around 53. That’s an extra day. It makes it hard for me to have any time for anything but work, food, exercise and a fairly minimum amount of children. That has to change eventually. I’m knocked out of balance there because our debt level requires a fairly high income level on my part. If we could cut the debt, cut the needs, then I could cut hours. What would it be like then to pursue my dreams and hopes rather than living a fortress mentality where everything I do is about paying for the rent on the house.
The other balance issue that deeply affects me is relationship. I used to have so many friends. Now I don’t have time for them. I also don’t have much time for my spouse. This all wears away on my ability to live a quality life and then I find myself satisfying myself with momentary, cheap thrills (that sounds so cliche but it’s true). I kind of understand why yoga embraces a four stage development in life beginning with the learning stage and then moving through the productive stage to a stage of contemplation. It is hard to have time to ‘contemplate’ when work requires so much. Things will change alot in the next year and a half if we can conquer our financial obligations. If we can’t, we’re in deep trouble.
I spend so much of my time reflect on balance and developing and redeveloping a balanced schedule. Sometimes I think that it’s a waste of time. Other times I think I’m being too tough on myself, that I have to embrace the lesson that I lesson that I learned as a young adult that the body and our actions sometimes tell us more about our priorities and needs than we want to know. Until I have arrived at some more successful conclusions to my life goals and plans, I think I need to keep tinkering away, “trying to play a pretty tune without breaking my back”. 7 months ago