Seriously thinking about this lately. What does this mean? What is it I’m called to do in the world?

I’ve been teaching ESL for a long time, and there are things about it that I love. I feel like it’s important work. But increasingly lately I don’t feel like it’s my dharma. Not my path. Not what I’m meant to be doing, at least not at this time in my life.

That’s a hard realization, especially since I’ve been doing it for so long, and especially since it’s the source of most of my income. Especially for someone who’s slow to change. I’m not ready to quit, but I’m not going to just push the idea aside, either. It’s been a long road to this particular job, and it seems the work is either fun and rewarding but does not pay well, or it pays better but it’s difficult and stressful.

Teaching yoga – now that feels meaningful. And I see a number of related paths that could work for me.
^{And the thing I’m not ready to say yet, but I turn 35 in April and if I’m going to be a mother some day, it has to be soon. And if that happens, it may turn out to be my sacred duty for a while.}

Anyway, for the time being, I’m going to try doing exactly what I’m doing for one more semester and see how it goes, and then I’ll make some decisions for the next school year. C is behind me; he wants to see me happy and is willing to accept that my income might be lower in order to do what I feel I’m meant to be doing. He has suggested this himself without my saying anything…

I have a feeling things will be clearer in the next year with regards to this question. In the meantime, I will rest for a month, and then I’ll try it all again and see if it goes any better the next time. 5 months ago

Some of my thoughts. But there is more… I will try to post when I can get my thoughts together more. 8 months ago

In the workshop I took at Kripalu, Stephen Cope said that living your dharma usually does not mean making a radical change to your life. Usually you are in the right general area of your dharma, but until you find your unique calling in this moment, you will suffer.

If I am completely honest with myself, I love teaching ESL at the college, but it drains me. I am afraid of what it would mean to do it full time. It offers security, but my instinct is that it is drawing me away from my path and not towards it.

I love teaching yoga, but something is missing currently, and I don’t think it’s just because I’m a new teacher and I’m still determining my unique style and building my career. I think this is close, but not quite there yet. I think it is part of my dream job toolkit but I don’t think it’s my dream job.

It’s hard to put my finger on the problem, but I think this is a major part of it. When you have a group of students in class, you have this amazing group energy – but you also cannot give each student a personalized practice, and I think to be maximally effective, we need this. So often, I see students in classes that are not appropriate for them, or trying variations of poses that are not appropriate for them. As a teacher, you do your best to encourage people to learn and make better choices, but it’s imperfect at best. I think the healing power of yoga can be unlocked in a combination of one-on-one and group practice, and the slower, more alignment-focused styles draw me. I was recently told that it’s pretty difficult if not impossible to make a living teaching slower styles of yoga. So the question for me is: does that matter? And if it does, how do I make it work?

I’ve become increasingly interested in the anatomy and physical alignment piece of the puzzle. I’ve been reading a lot of posts from Katie Bowman, Susi Hately, Judith Lasater, and others. Katie’s stuff is very specific and goes into how a lot of physical ailments trace back to alignment. Fixing alignment can free people from a huge range of physical ailments! I feel there is a great need for this work, but I also feel that working only with the body is not enough for me. The mental/ emotional/ spiritual work of yoga is very important to me.

I think learning more about alignment-based therapeutic yoga might be the next piece of the toolkit. I know I don’t want to own a studio, but I’m envisioning some kind of yoga-based consultation practice. Something that combines alignment specialist and therapeutic yoga training. Something that gives people real tools to improve their health on all levels. It’s all kind of nebulous still. I think I was on the right track with that toolkit goal, though. If I keep building skills in areas I’m passionate about, surely it will all come together eventually. Right?

P.S. Bad news? More training expenses. Good news? Way cheaper than another degree. 11 months ago

I got an email from the studio about the demo. They said that they strongly feel that I have potential to teach there, and they recognized my confidence, knowledgeable presence, and love of yoga.

The Director of Teacher Development is coming to my class at the other studio one Sunday this month. (Hope I have some students as those classes have been small.) She says they want to see me teaching in an environment where I’m comfortable and at ease. In other words, I clearly blew my demo but they know my potential and they’re going to test me another way (and make sure I don’t get that nervous teaching my regular students). This is awesome because I can showcase my Vinyasa, Hatha, and Restorative yoga teaching within this blended class (it’s called “Vinyasa and Deep Rest”) and I can give the Director of Teacher Development adjustments without feeling the time pressure and will be able to really shine, I think.

Thank you to all the powers that be for second chances. I am so very, very, very grateful.

On this path effort never goes to waste and there is no failure. Even a little effort toward spiritual awareness will protect you from the greatest fear. Those who follow this path, resolving deep within themselves to seek me alone, attain singleness of purpose. For those who lack resolution, the decisions of life are many-branched and endless.

It is better to strive in one’s own dharma than to succeed in the dharma of another. Nothing is ever lost in following one’s own dharma…

I think it’s going to be OK. 11 months ago

http://www.ievolve.org/2011/08/what-is-my-dharma-by-sally-kempton/

One clue to discovering whether you’re following your dharma might be to ask yourself whether you feel that the universe supports you in what you do, or whether your actions and way of life helps you feel connected to some sort of universal truth. Most traditional teachers agree that dharma is connected to the underlying order of the universe. I would add that to follow your dharma is to align yourself with the most evolved level of your own consciousness.

The text [Yajnavalkya Samhita] offers four clues to correct dharma, and one overall “rule” that trumps them all. Here are the four: 1)”The Vedic scriptures and other sacred texts, 2) the practices of the good, 3) whatever is agreeable to one’s own self, and 4) the desire which has arisen out of wholesome resolve—all these are known to be the sources of dharma.” Then the passage goes on to tell us the real bottom line: “Over and above such acts (as) . . . self control, non-violence, charity, and study of truth, this is the highest dharma: the realization of the Self by means of yoga.” 12 months ago

This past weekend I took an amazing workshop with Stephen Cope about the Bhagavad Gita. We focused on the ideas of finding and living your dharma. I’ll write some more about this later, but for now I’ll just say that I found the work we did very inspiring, and it has motivated me to think again about the question of my career. I’ll write more about this too… for now I’m thinking about discerning more precisely where my dharma lies and moving forward to be sure I’m fully aligned with it and living it out in my life. 13 months ago