Seriously thinking about this lately. What does this mean? What is it I’m called to do in the world?
I’ve been teaching ESL for a long time, and there are things about it that I love. I feel like it’s important work. But increasingly lately I don’t feel like it’s my dharma. Not my path. Not what I’m meant to be doing, at least not at this time in my life.
That’s a hard realization, especially since I’ve been doing it for so long, and especially since it’s the source of most of my income. Especially for someone who’s slow to change. I’m not ready to quit, but I’m not going to just push the idea aside, either. It’s been a long road to this particular job, and it seems the work is either fun and rewarding but does not pay well, or it pays better but it’s difficult and stressful.
Teaching yoga – now that feels meaningful. And I see a number of related paths that could work for me.
And the thing I’m not ready to say yet, but I turn 35 in April and if I’m going to be a mother some day, it has to be soon. And if that happens, it may turn out to be my sacred duty for a while.
Anyway, for the time being, I’m going to try doing exactly what I’m doing for one more semester and see how it goes, and then I’ll make some decisions for the next school year. C is behind me; he wants to see me happy and is willing to accept that my income might be lower in order to do what I feel I’m meant to be doing. He has suggested this himself without my saying anything…
I have a feeling things will be clearer in the next year with regards to this question. In the meantime, I will rest for a month, and then I’ll try it all again and see if it goes any better the next time. 5 months ago