There was a 5K race yesterday morning. It was a benefit for a local food bank. This food bank does a lot for those in need all through the year around here. It is a good organization and needs the support. I had been thinking of running this race for a few weeks.
All of my friends and family will be busy with other things on race day, so this is something I would be doing by myself. The weather is forecast cold and rainy for race day, so this becomes another reason to just say never mind and skip this event.

But the more I thought about it, I really needed to get out and do this race. I need this first step to get out, doing something, even if I am doing it without any of my people with me. I need to get back to doing things I like, even if no one else wants to.

Yesterday morning, as I was about to leave the house, I am still hesitant as it is raining and dark. It would be so much easier to just go back to bed rather than get outside and run. No, I am going.

And I do. I get there, park, donate my canned goods, find a bathroom, (I always need a bathroom before a race.) warm up with a short jog, get to the start line, line and run. There a lot of people here, about 1000, which is a good size for a 5K around here. Of course I line up too far back in the crowd so I am jammed up with slower runners at the start. (Not that I am fast, just a little faster than those in front of me at the start.) It is not a big deal as I am not looking to win anything here. The pack thins out and I can run my pace. It feels good once we thin out. Even though I do not know anyone, it is nice to have people around. I like that about these races; having people around me. I catch up to someone I do know. I pass her and say hi, She says hi back. And we both smile to each other. That is nice.

There is the finish line now. Of course I have no kick for the end. I never do and a few people pass me. That is OK. They are all younger than I. The race promoter is at the finish line calling out encouragement to all as they finish. She knows me and actually mentions my name as I cross the finish line. That is nice and makes me smile. Thanks Ellen. My finish time is OK, nothing great but decent for me, faster than I have run in some time.

So I did it. I got out. It felt good. I did not hang around long after the race, just long enough to drink a bottle of water and talk a bit with the person I passed in the race. (She is running the Richmond marathon next weekend. I wish her good luck.)

It is a good first step for me. Sometimes that first step is always the hardest. I need to go shopping for some clothes. Maybe that will happen soon now. 6 months ago

when doing things alone was never an issue. If I wanted to do something, I would decide, “Yes, this is something I want to do.” and then just go do it. There was never any real thinking about it. It was just a natural thing to do.

Somewhere along the line, I started thinking I needed to do things with others. That this is the only way to get full enjoyment and satisfaction out of any activity. It got to the point where even going to the store, I felt I needed someone to go with me. That is not right.

So I need to take a few steps back. To get out and just do what needs to be done, whether someone is with me or not. Sure, it can be very nice to have someone with you when doing things. And one should not do everything alone. But it is OK to just do things by myself. I can’t wait forever for a companion. I might be waiting forever. 12 months ago