Lifeluvver All people smile in the same language.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
(By
Erma Bombeck) – with additions by Moira
McArthur 27.11.05
I would have invited friends over to
dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
Well,
I don’t know about you but as you get past your forties you
kinda get into the way of saying take me as I am. We can always eat
out if you’re paying.
Memo
– Dull women have immaculate homes.
I
would have eaten popcorn in the GOOD living room and worried much
less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the
fireplace.
My
mum used to have a living room and a drawing room. At first only
visitors ie older relatives would be entertained there but was
gradually taken for space to lay out my brother’s train set and
store dad’s records and became a room for us to use when my
Grandpa wanted to watch the TV.
It
was a cheery room to sit in with its big bay window to watch for the
fox that went by at 4 pm (on the dot – must have had a watch)
in winter.
Memo
– Rooms are for living in and most families make a mess. No-one
ever won a prize for best kept living room.
I
would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about
his youth.
Fortunately
I did and can remember stories about him and his cronies following
the water cart on warm days to put their bare feet under the drips.
How they used to hop on and off moving drays. How my own dad started
working life doing a mail run to the hilltop farms before school and
going around with the pig lorry to pick up scraps after school.
His
last job before retiral? A Director of the Clydesdale Bank.
Memo
- Before you get ahead in life, you have to start at the bottom.
I
would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up! On a summer
day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I
have always said hang the hairstyle and when I had my Vitara I
usually had the roof packed away. Known as a ‘hairdresser’s
car’ I must have looked a failed hairdresser!! When I had the
Megane CC on loan I drove along Barrhead Main Street at 11.30 pm with
the roof down and the stereo blasting out.
Memo
– Always get the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
I
would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it
melted in storage. OK I’ve tried that
one. My little candle produced such a big flame it threatened to set
fire to something. Regretfully put it out – it took a while and the
house smelled of wax and scorched worktop.
Memo
– Just because it has a wick sticking out this doesn’t
mean it’s a useable candle. Don’t take things at face
value!
I
would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about the
grass stains. I did sit on the grass and I let
‘Bold 2 in 1’ take care of the grass stains. I got kidded
by some of the other mum’s but hey ho I and my kids have a lot
of good memories.
Memo
- To understand children you have to get down to their level. Not in
childishness, mind, but in height. Sitting on the ground is often the
best way.
I
would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more
while watching life. Ok I watch TV but I don’t
feel guilty because it doesn’t take up all my time. Usually I’m
on the web enriching my life experience by looking at faraway places,
learning about the universe, reading bad jokes to send to faraway
friends.
Memo
– Keeping the brain active is good whether you watch TV or surf
the internet. Plus if you are really into what is happening on the TV
it keeps you away from the kitchen munchies.
I
would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the
earth would go into a holding pattern if I wasn’t there for the
day. Mmm.. We’re all guilty on that one.
But hey, when I broke the leg – the world did go on and Chrissy’s
wedding plans went forth without my interfering tuppence worth!
Memo
– You don’t have to be on duty 24-7 for the world and his
wife. Let others take the reins now and then.
I
would never have bought anything just because it was practical,
wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. One
of the girls I work with expressed surprise that I was looking to buy
a convertible again. “But it’s so impractical”, she
said. I think she was missing the point and although I know she is
happy in life I can’t help but wonder why everything has to be
practical all the time.
All
my hoarded junk is impractical, my cups don’t stack and my
clothes are light colours and usually wear out after a couple of
months washing.
OK,
I confess, I buy Matalan and Asda and they shrink before they wear
out and not everyone wants to see my bellybutton so they hibernate in
the back of my wardrobe (the clothes not the people not wanting to
see etc.) waiting for the day I lose a ton of pounds and might fit
them again.
Memo
– It’s your money, buy what you want.
Instead
of wishing away the nine months of pregnancy, I’d have
cherished every moment realizing that
the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to
assist God in a miracle. I was astonished
every day and would inwardly point things out from the bus to little
Mac in my humungus bump of 1977 (in which I felt a large bloke was
honing his footie skills but actually turned out to be a darling
daughter turning somersaults and, in the end, sitting cross-legged
like a little leprechaun on the X-ray and totally the wrong way up
for me to give birth the natural way!)
Memo – if you have forgotten
the joys of pregnancy then look at what you produced. If
it’s not a pretty sight, look on the bright side – At
some point it’ll leave home to make its own way out into the
world.
When
my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later,
now go and get washed up for dinner.”
I
liked my kids impetuous kisses but sometimes washing hands is good.
Earthworms and tadpoles are not good dinner companions.
Memo
– Love impetuosity. Expect the unexpected.
There
would have been more “I Love You’s” and more “I’m
sorry’s” but mostly, given another shot at life, I would
seize every minute……..Look at it and really see
it……..live it. And never give it back. You
have to experience life to come up with the host of items we women
often imagine we have forgotten to do. Guess its an imperfect world
and if we’ve missed doing some things then we were filling our
lives with something else.
Memo
- We’ve all had unhappy times and happy times and if we only
just dig deeper into ourselves, we’d realise we’d not
made too much of a hash of life.
Here
is an angel sent to watch over you. I’d
like to think an angel is watching over my friends too. But I’d
prefer to think of them taking all the ‘guilt baggage’
they’ve carried around for years and dumping it off for good.
Imagined
guilt is added to by schmaltzy e-mails. Sure, I never got around to
taking my kids to Disneyland but they still talk about our shoestring
holidays – out of season in a Highland glen with water from the
stream and stories at bedtime.
Memo
– Spend more time looking back at the things you did, that you
accomplished. Let go of everything else. It doesn’t deserve a
space in your precious memories bank.
Pass
this onto anyone you like.











