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Raise my son to be a good man

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Momzilla2 Years later...

My son has hit 13 as of the beginning of August. I have been writing and updating periodically on here (I believe the last time was nearly 2 years ago). I watch him grow and I am proud of his development. So far, I think we are doing a good job. He is an amazing brother still. He values time teaching his little brother and makes special effort to include time with him each day. He values honesty and friendship. He makes concerted efforts to put others first. In the last couple of years we have had a problem with lying here and there. Sometimes he cops an attitude. He is by no means perfect, but still, he is an amazing human being. He is who he is supposed to be.

I watch the lessons that he is learning and I often think to myself or discuss with my husband, his father, about what he will learn from this or that. I will not mark this as complete until years have passed and he has grown into a man. However, I do think about the goal from time to time and think of my own mistakes in raising him. Have I forced him to move too much? There have been a number of times that he has been forced to leave behind friends, family, or belongings because we have moved somewhere else. He has lived in 4 states now and with just about every move he has faced it as an adventure. He is malleable and aims to please. I wonder if this will be to his detriment and how to teach him to balance out his people pleasing ways so that his voice can be heard from time to time.

I worry about his own wants and happiness. He is such a people pleaser. He wants others to be happy at his own expense. I want so much for him in this world, still. I watch him grow older and I freak out. There is only so much time that I will have to cram these lessons in his head but to do so in a cohesive and natural way. Why did this parenting thing not come with a book? Ha!

I have hope. I still have hope. There is so much good in him that he makes this goal easy. Everyone thinks their kids are the best. I do too, of course. But this goal isn’t about him being the best or the greatest. Those are second. Third. Who cares. I care about him being happy. I care about him living a life he is proud of. He makes me proud every day. 7 months ago

fnldeegan 19 months ago

johnsteKant's imperative and Buddhism

I didn’t want my son to live in fear of going to hell. I raised him religion free.

He’s now 22 and has just gotten his master’s in theoretical physics (his dad’s genes, not my Right Brain).

Kant’s imperative: if everyone in the world did what you’re contemplating, would the world be a better place?

Buddhism: not as a religion, but a way of thought. Life is suffering, whether physical or mental. Even if it’s suffering from fear or worry or boredom. The 8-fold path leads you effectively in ways to deal with it. 2 years ago

johnste 7 years ago

MomzillaHe's 11 now...

When I started this goal my son was a boy and I only had him. Now I have had nother son, but this goal refers to my first son, Tristan. Not that I don’t want to do this with the both of them, I want them both to be good, adjusted, strong, stable men… and all of that… I have learned so much from this goal though – I have made my errors on my oldest, unintentionally of course, and navigated the parental maze thus far.

I watch him growing every day. He has a gap in his two front teeth just like I did when I was his age and he’s built like my brother. He’s a big brother, a boyscout, and now has golden hair. He’s an amazing person – this light in my life. When I am at my darkest, he is the sun shining through – the small light at the end of the tunnel that I can grasp on to and pull myself out. He doesn’t even seem to notice.

I see him growing into a man. He’s no longer my little boy but (thankfully) he still needs me. He loves me. He hugs me. He’s not afraid to show his feelings. He’s honest with himself even when he’s not when others. He’s a honorable human being and I see his values, virtues, and beliefs taking hold of his inner self and I am proud of what I see. He stands up for what he believes in and he challenges me. He is fiercely protective of his brother and will be a good guide for Felix if something happens to em. He struggles with areas of his life but he tries. He always puts forth an effort to better himself and to help those around him. He’s incredibly compassionate and I worry that this will end up being a hard lesson for him to learn. His sensitivity and intuition are some of his greatest assets, but will also be his greatest barriers.

I will continue to try to guide him into adulthood to use them to his advantage and help him to be himself with his heart on his sleeve… but how to guard it if need be. I need to teach him how to protect himself and how to survive in a hard world. I need to still give him the tools to deal with his emotions. I need to figure out finances so that one day I can teach him. I will continue to love him unconditionally and do my best for him. I want him to shine. 2 years ago

Jenny Greenmy little man

so, i always try to talk to my son in a way that i would like him to talk. you know, the golden rule type stuff. treat people the way you want to be treated. so when he wants something and is crying about it i say “Angel, can you say please Mommy?” My son is obsessed with this song called “Willy was a whale” and he wants to listen to it constantly and i had reached my breaking point when he suddenly said, “MOMMY, please, Willy?” lol. so i had to give in and let him have his way for being a good boy and using his manners. 2 years ago

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