To be honest, I am an awesome mom and this has been my number one goal ever since I had kids. I also work with kids and I’m one of those people who just intinctively cares for kids. So, after going through some challenges and coming back to this site after years away, it struck me that this was not listed as one of my stated goals. I might as well give myself credit for the great job that I am doing, and be more intentional in the self corrections that I need to make in my relationship with them. The one that stands out right now is to be firmer with them. They’re great kids, but they need to be held accountable a bit more now that they’re getting bigger and our home life has really stabilized. I’ve gotten way better at working with my husband to parent consistently. I was’nt willing to be less lenient until he came around to being less dictatorial and more nurturing. Now the balance is there. Both kids need more of a nudge with learning activities and chores. They also just have to accept times when our family activities aren’t what they would prefer to do. Gotta dos before wanna dos is what I say to them. I am also trying to point out to them times when they do something that shows maturity, good judgement, consideration, resilience, and independence. I work on thinking out loud in front of them when I do something that models this. 15 months ago

I remember way back to ‘82. I was scared to have kids. What if they were like me? Or my brothers?
Right up until my departed wife went into labor I was scared shitless.
But things went pretty smoothly. I enjoyed being a parent most of the time. I enjoyed having a second child. And then helping them grow up, going to their activities. Being a Dad.
And my wife was a natural Mother. Even when she faced the challenges of mental illness, with some help, we got through the dark times.
Of course, I’ve changed a lot from my teen and early 20’s years.
I had to. Responsibility can be your friend in these matters.
And now our family is one less.
The coroner could offer no explanations. Toxicology way take 6 to 7 more weeks. No death certificate until that’s done.
That means no progress with her estate, life insurance and other affairs.
It’s a good thing that we could pay for her funeral and pick up the slack until the day arrives where affairs can be taken care of.
I sense the irony of my being scared to have kids. Because we have all carried each other at times during the last 2 weeks.
I started this account during a period of darkness in my life. The contemplation of striking out by myself after decades of togetherness. Through my entries here, I came to understand myself quite a bit more. Our separation in mid 2006 seems mild compared to our permanent separation on July 25 (I believe the date to be 5 to 7 days earlier. :(...)
I am grateful that we decided to have children. To teach values and concepts and have those teachings be adopted and expanded upon.
It’s a whole new set of circumstances now. Strange how the subtraction of one from the equation makes for such complicated feelings and tasks. I am proud of my time with her and our friendship after we split.
There are a lot of thoughts and words left unspoken. It looks like they always will be…22 months ago

involving taking care of myself so I can be there, helping when help is needed and making a new will.
Both of our kids really stepped up and handled the situation.
I am bursting with pride.
What more could any parent wish for in a difficult situation?
I love both of them dearly.
And haven’t told them that nearly enough. 22 months ago

I’ve decided to have my statement read by the officiator of the ceremony. Because I don’t think I can speak the words.
And I am first up.

So here is what will be read. A tribute to someone I spent much more than half my life with.

“Linda told me many times about her health issues. In fact, countless times she warned me that she was worried she wouldn’t live a long life. Unfortunately, that was true. Perhaps not a long life, but certainly a rich one of raising 2 caring, responsible and contributing to society adults, being there for those who needed her and keeping a well ordered household that was a welcome stop for friends and family. Linda was a force in many lives including mine. I’m convinced I would not have had the success I have in my life without her help and love. In many ways, she molded me into the man I am today. RIP Linda. You will never be forgotten” 22 months ago

Another amazing masterpiece. 22 months ago

will be there in person for the service.
My daughters quilt. 22 months ago

available at last. No store I went to showed availability on CD.
Out of print?
I Tunes rules. was able to download the entire CD and burn it.
Her favorite CD of all time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgkk0Hdwmo8

For some reason, there were no pictures anywhere of the quilt Linda will be wrapped in. We took care of that yesterday. My old Canon camera takes better pictures than my newer Sony at half the megapixels.
Anyway, I took 11 with each camera.
It is beautiful almost beyond description… 22 months ago

There will be an opportunity to speak before the group
in Eulogy.
How shall I be able to do this?
I have always been a man of few words
choosing carefully.
And in front of a mostly hostile audience.
Linda’s family didn’t care much for me
just like they didn’t care much for her.
I will get up and talk
of her success as a Mother
an artist
and a Human Being.
We may have failed as a couple
but we had success with children, our own family
and most of all, respect.
I will do it because she needs those words
to prove to those unbelievers that she was a shining light to those that mattered.
And it will be the hardest thing I’ve attempted in my 55 years on this earth.
May the powers that be allow me to be successful in my communication23 months ago

Tuesday was a grueling marathon.
Got up and urged myself to get ready.
My daughter and her boyfriend spent the night at my son’s and girlfriends house. Togetherness during hard times knits healing into the human spirit.
Went over there to meet them.
We all had to go meet the contractor that will clean and remove all contaminated items.
Had to go by Jamie’s to get the documents to complete the Death Certificate.
2:00PM appointment with the funeral arranger of our choice.
We made the right choice. They bent over backwards to fulfill every request we made. Professionalism at its finest.
We went over every detail, arrangements, obituary, obituary webpage that is interactive with photos, reception room, hostess, Non Denominational minister / officiator.
We are going to have a lot of her artwork, quilts and many pictures
for those attending to view.
Those wanting to speak in Eulogy will be welcome to do so.
We went by my sons work to pick up some food for fuel.
Sunflower Market is feeding us for free during this week.
I thought it was a wonderful gesture.
We retired to Jamie’s to look through all the photo albums for nice shots of Linda’s life doing the things she loved.
I came home and looked through discs for photos of many of her finished quilts. Success. I will have them converted tomorrow.
She will be cremated not in clothing, but her greatest creation. An amazingly beautiful Applique quilt that had the most detailed sewing.
I have no pictures of it (shame) but will take many tomorrow before we drop it off at the funeral home. 23 months ago

As of tonight, the coroner hasn’t released her, but they will, I have spoken with them.
We visited funereal homes, asked questions and are ready to commit to one of them 2:00PM appointment.
Her family has been pressuring my daughter about everything. Arrangements, the drugs she took for depression, being with us for the whole ordeal. But they had little interest in being with us, her or them before. How strange.
My daughter Jamie enlisted one of Linda’s sisters as a go between and news passer onner for her family. That sister is one of the few I respect from that family. I even gave her my cell phone number.
She’s the only one from the family that has it.

An interesting development. Linda desires Cremation and a scattering of her ashes. Much of the family is Catholic and will raise Holy Hell.
Linda’s wishes will be followed to the letter.
People causing problems will be forcefully asked to leave.

We had to go over to her condo to get some valuables and important papers. It has been very hot here for the last few weeks. Her air conditioning was not turned on. The coroner had told me she had been deceased for a few days. Multiply that by 3.
I was the first one in. I surveyed the scene. I had to haul out the upper portion of the couch. It was poison. I never want to see or smell that again. But I was tough.
For her and her immediate family.
Those that are closest to you touch your life in ways too complicated or innumerable to begin to catalog.
We removed all valuables, papers, creations of art and pictures.
A cleaning crew enters tomorrow.
We have all the personal effects to begin planning a tribute to her life… 23 months ago

while I was driving back to the building. Didn’t recognize the number so it went to voice mail. When I had a chance, I called my voice mail.
A businesslike voice told me he was contacting me for the City and County of Denver, in regards to Linda.
Not an ominous sign at all.
He called back 10 minutes later.
We exchanged the information that we each needed to.
My wife and mother of my children, found dead July 25, 2011.
Probably deceased for a few days beforehand.

And so, work won’t be happening for the rest of the week.
There are family matters to be taken care of now… 23 months ago