embrace ambiguity

.. and boy is it liberating, but hard.

My relationship with this incredible person is at a very vulnerable stage .. much like a small little sprout that needs careful watering, tending, tending tending.

But learning to be okay with calling this a “seeing each other” thing, and not trying to jump to the “serious committed relationship” place is a tad of a struggle.

It’s about keeping my own insecurities in check.

Also, being okay with my sister being both strong, and weak—at the same time. With her being grown up and wise, as well as naive in some ways and still learning. And then, ultimately with her being strong, and me also being strong. We are not opposites. We are our own persons.

And my friend, drinking-buddy-cum-good-friend who supports me but has really poor listening skills. She’s a good person, with a good generous heart, but is also a person with her own insecurities, who has poor listening skills. She values and cares for me as a friend, but also doesn’t demonstrate curiosity or care for me in the ways I’m used to valuing. And I can be okay with her being successful and strong, and I can also be successful and strong. This is not a competition. We can both be successful, and learning to be better at things we’re not great at, and be supportive … in our own ways.

And my old former friend, who I fired in a way, who probably does care about me in some way, but has some deep inner challenges that prevent her from treating me respectfully. I don’t need to keep this relationship in my life no matter how she feels. Harsh, but after 14 years and too many betrayals, I can’t let such toxicity enter my life again. We were good friends, and now we’re not. We can both be good friends, just not to each other right now. We can both be good people, but on separate paths.

this is something permanent which occurs – or it doesn’t occur – so I don’t feel the need to invest any energy in it.
It is rather a principle of thought – or of choices as to behaviour.

And e.g. towards my kinds it very much depends what kind of behaviour fits best the situation .

resolute.

It’s all a matter of degree.

nothing else.

and admit weaknesses

spark up conflicts and to settle disputes.
One of my favourites.
I tend to exaggerate as far as extreme positions go. But I am also capable of settling a conflict.

team-player and individualistic.

be cold.

Not at the same time. Sometimes being cold is inevitable. Whenever I talk about setting up limits or enforcing them, I tend to turn rather cold.
Being loving and caring, however, is better.

about having nothing to say.

touch and avoid communication.